1 . We’ve all had things to apologize for. Whether on the playground or at the office, intentionally or not, we’ve hurt people. Research shows that apologies benefit us in many ways, which can reduce stress and ease heart rates, as well as boosting relationship well being and cooperation.     1    

Like so many other habits that are good for us, apologies must overcome our own mental barriers. When people know they’ve made a mistake and hurt somebody, they may still remain silent in the face of their wrong doings.     2    

First, the offender (冒犯者) may not be concerned with the relationship, especially if they have little empathy for the other person. The second barrier is the perceived threat to one’s self-image. Some people fear that apologizing will be both humbling and prove that they aren’t a good, moral person.     3     They worry that the offense is too great or that the offended won’t forgive them.

While this too is a possibility, in most cases the opposite is true, because people have a tendency to overestimate the negative consequences of apologizing and underestimate the benefits of apologizing. But once we’ve actually apologized, we both feel better, and it can really have a positive impact.

    4     Sometimes, it’s only the beginning of a settlement, for the other person may need time to forgive, or forgiveness may not come at all. That’s okay, because a true apology doesn’t come with the expectation of forgiveness. It’s not a confession (忏悔) by which you clean your morality by unburdening your mistakes on another.

    5     It says you’re sorry you hurt them, that the relationship is important to you, and that you will do better in the future.

2 . How to Deal with Nosy People

They can come in the form of friends, relatives or strangers. The thing about nosy people is that they don’t understand personal space. Things can get confusing when your family members or friends become nosy. You don’t want to hurt them, but you may not want to share everything, either.     1    

When someone starts asking personal questions one after the other, you might get confused as to why he or she is asking all those questions and what you should do. This confusion can then turn into discomfort. When you are in this situation, remind yourself to slow down.     2     Instead, be mindful of the situation and try to respond consciously.

One great strategy is to give a satisfactory answer without giving away too many details. You will satisfy their curiosity and maintain your personal boundaries at the same time.     3     For instance, your loved one might ask, “Hey! I heard you had a fight with your husband. What happened?” In response, you could say, “Oh, nothing serious. We are fine.” This will let them know you are doing fine.

Sometimes, you just don’t feel like answering the other person’s questions. It could be because they have no business knowing the details or because the question annoys you. So, if someone asks you a personal question, you could politely decline to answer.

    5     It tells the other person whether you are interested in talking to them. So, if you want to communicate that you don’t appreciate them being nosy, you can do so with your body language. How do you do this? Just show a lack of enthusiasm.

5 . Acceptance, love, and respect are valued by all.     1     It is about making connections with others at work, in friendships, and by sharing interests. Simply feeling part of a group is healthy for mind and body, and for those around!

According to Forbes, love, belonging, and social connection are an important part of psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy (等级) of needs. A sense of belonging comes right after Maslow’s basic physiological and safety needs are met. This type of social connection is found in a group.     2     It can also be found in a couple, family members, or friends. This is because humans love to be loved. And without this sense of belonging, people may feel depressed, lonely, and socially anxious.

    3     A PLOS ONE study looking at both children and adults found that those who were part of multiple groups had higher personal self-esteem. This is because people get meaning from belonging and take pride in their group memberships.

It’s also essential to be genuine when joining a group. Being genuine signals openness and can help in building trust with others. Being open also brings out empathy, which can lead to a feeling of belonging.

Another tip is to embrace a group that shares a common purpose.     4     People will come, the sense of togetherness will be established, and the feeling of belonging will be developed. Belonging to a group often leads to long-lasting relationships with others.

Connection brings meaning to one’s life. Those who belong to a group feel like they are contributing to something larger and more important than themselves.     5    

6 . Boundaries are personal guidelines that define what is and isn’t okay in your interpersonal relationships. As everyone has different needs and comfort levels, they may appear different for each person. Having healthy boundaries may provide such benefits as avoiding burnout, boosting self-esteem and maintaining personal space.     1     After setting your boundaries, it’s helpful to review them on a regular basis to remain relevant to your life circumstances.

    2     The way you set them reflects your attitude to taking responsibility in life. Taking the time to think about your wants and needs in different situations will help you understand how your values influence boundary-setting. Once you have made the list of your values, needs, and wants, use that knowledge to establish clear boundaries that respect yourself and those around you.

Once you have identified your boundaries, it is important to communicate them effectively.     3     Express your ideas in an open and straightforward manner; speak up for yourself so that others can hear, understand and respect your needs. Additionally, take a step back if tensions arise during a conversation about setting boundaries. Allow yourself or the other person to cool down before restarting the conversation.     4    

When learning how to set healthy boundaries, it is essential to learn how to say “no”. Saying “yes” to everything can lead to stress, burnout, and frustration. It is important to understand what you consider acceptable and unacceptable, setting limits that reflect those standards.     5     If the situation persists, remove yourself from it respectfully. You deserve more than surrounding yourself with people who don’t value your values.

7 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5    

8 . A workable and pretty easy solution to improving your listening skills is that you begin to realize how much of your ability to be an effective listener is really about you, not the other person and how fascinating or boring they are.     1    

We tend to assume that listening is little more than showing up and paying attention to the other person.     2     It’s worth noticing how we instinctively (本能地) listen in conversation and whether or not that given listening mode is really what’s called for.

You need to identify your personal “hot spots”.     3     Whether it’s talking about climate change or Father’s Day, when you are not interested at all, you realize it is hard to concentrate. That kind of self-knowledge comes by having a scientific approach and observing yourself in action.

    4     For example, your surrounding environment, the topic at hand, or even particular company may affect your ability to listen. When you do this, you can more easily see what gets in the way of your ability to listen and understand. Thus that makes many of our work-related conversations much easier.

In a performance review or heated debate, you can remind yourself if you’re having an emotional response to feedback and are having trouble hearing the other person out. Observing and learning from your behavior, and noticing how you are affected by your surroundings help you uncover your unique needs for doing your best listening.     5    

9 . Your neighbors are probably the first line of defense in case of any problematic situation.     1     It gives you an assurance that you have people close by looking out for you. Here are easily applicable tips on creating stronger neighbor relationships.

The first step is introducing yourself when you move to a new neighborhood or when a newcomer moves in. Leave them a note under their door to introduce yourself.     2     It doesn’t have to cost you a fortune and opting for a potted plant or baked biscuits will do. These actions present excellent opportunities to connect with them.

Be respectful of your neighbors. It’s in poor taste to have regular insensitive parties at your place causing disturbances. Before your party, it’s good practice to notify your neighbors. Besides, avoid chatting them up for hours on end, which may be inconvenient, especially if you don’t know their schedules.     3     When you borrow anything, return it in due time. If you accidentally break their things, replace them without being asked to.

    4     You could offer to babysit your neighbors’ kids, help with snow removals or even keep an eye on their home when they’re away. Such acts of reaching out to your neighbors make for stronger relationships.

As Emma Seppälä put it, “social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop (圈) of social, emotional and physical well-being.” It feels so easy to just stay home without having to engage with your neighbors but connecting with them is worth the effort.     5    

10 . How to Handle an Argument with Your Family Members

We’ve all been there. A relaxed evening with our family members. A lot of laughing. And then, as if someone had sat on the TV remote and changed the channel, the mood shifts. No more warmth. Suddenly there’s shouting, a ping-pong of accusations(指责), deadly stares, and hostility(敌意) streaming from eyes like red laser pointers. Having a conflict with your family members is frustrating, and you may feel sad and depressed.     1    

Do remember that as much as it might feel this way, you’re not in a court of law with your family members.     2     .It is to restore kindness and connection. Think of it this way —if somebody wins, both parties lose.

Do try to be an advocate of others’ feelings.     3     try to stand in the shoes of your family members. Try to understand their immature ways.

    4     .This might frighten your family members, making them feel accused and in turn, act defensively. Example: “I was on the phone with my sister and then suddenly you started acting like crazy out of the blue.” Talk about the way you felt instead. Example: “I was on the phone with my sister and then I suddenly felt scared when I saw you looking at me like I was in trouble.”

Don’t try to explain yourself. You often want to explain yourself when having conflicts with your family members, but you don’t have time. You’re being cut off and attacked again.     5     .The more you talk, the less your family members seem to understand and the further away you get from an agreement.