9 . I recently read Pablo Picasso’s quote, “I’m always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” It reminded me of myself — and how I do, learn, and improve. I recalled one of my earliest memories of doing before learning: baking scones (烤饼) when I was 10 years old. I wanted to bake scones for my mom.

I always sat at the kitchen table when my mom baked, and I had observed her process numerous times. She always used a recipe book and followed the process carefully. As I started to try, I didn’t know I shouldn’t handle the dough (面团) with my hands too much once I had added the baking powder (发酵粉). However, I knew exactly how to roll out the dough and use a cookie cutter to cut the scones, because I had repeated it in my mind hundreds of times.

As my mom arrived home, the smell of freshly baked scones welcomed her into the kitchen. They were baked to golden brown perfection — flat, as a result of over-handling the dough, but they tasted OK. My mom praised me for my attempt, rather than blaming me for the state of the kitchen, which was a surprise! That night she told my dad how proud she was, and what a good job I’d done. Over time, she taught me the finer tricks of baking and cooking.

My habit of doing before learning still stands me in good stead. Whatever computer program or application I have to learn, I do so by simply starting to use it. I learn as I go on, and I’ve often been able to help others because I’ve gone through the process of learning from beginning to end. What I discovered from my experience is the wisdom to know when it’s OK to do and then learn, and when it’s probably better to learn and then do!

10 . “I’ll be there in a few minutes. I’m playing a game with a friend, a guy named Snoopy,” my 15-year-old son shouted from his room. “Oh, what is Snoopy’s real name?” I asked. “I have no idea,” he said. “Where is he from?” I continued. He responded, “I think somewhere in Canada. Oh, wait, it doesn’t even matter because Snoopy just left the game and he has been replaced with a robot.” “Your friend is replaced by a robot?” “It doesn’t matter, Dad. It happens all the time! The game continues.” My son doesn’t mind playing with a person or a robot, which is typical of gamers these days. I wonder whether the face-to-face experience of friendship that I grew up with will be lost by our ohildren.

Aristotle, the great Greek thinker and educator. has pointed out that shallow friendship is easily formed but also easily quit because such bonds are weak and uncerturn. Deep friendship, by contrast, is when you care for your friend for his sake, not for any benefit you can get. This is selfless friendship. You can have only a couple of these friends because they require lots of time and effort. You must make sacrifices (牺牲) for each other.

Presence in friendship requires “being with” and “doing for”. Perhaps the most typical feature of deep friendship is “doing for”, as my friend has my back in trouble or brings me soup when I’m sick. Only strong bonds have the power to motivate real sacrifices. But it is unclear why online “friends” would bother to do the hard work of friendship. When I asked my students whether they had people in their lives who would bring them soup when they were sick, they laughed at my Stone Age question and said they’d just order soup online.

Digital life fills and absorbs waking life time so that people do not join in example cases of friendship, like sports, collective arts, free range childhoods, etc. In this way, digital life may produce false friendships.