1 . Always the outsider?

One of the things I used to fear was being the new girl in the office — in the kitchen making coffee while the in-crowd chatted about the weekend. I worried that I wasn’t good enough or smart enough.     1     I’d struggle for words while trying to look cool. Back at school, I was best friends with Kate and Cathy until we had to walk across the road in twos, and guess who was left out? I’ve always been the outsider from school days to office life. Or is that the story I have told myself?

As in so many areas of life, the only thing you can control is your response. I remind myself of what Eleanor Roosevelt said:     2     The only person making me feel like an outsider is me. These are the lessons I have learned along the way:

●Starting anywhere new, you just have to find your people, the ones that get you.     3     It’s OK to take your time and figure out if you’re the right fit for each other. Have faith that you will find the right people for you.

●Very often it’s our belief systems that tell us we don’t fit in. We are replaying the stories from childhood and need to rewrite the script (剧本).     4     When are you assuming that you’ll be on your own? What fears are you projecting onto yourself?

●Practice self-acceptance. Remind yourself that it’s OK to have a different way of operating in the world.

●    5     Sometimes, interactions with random strangers can help us feel more confident in all our relationships. For example, volunteering can make us feel connected and give us a sense of belonging.

2 . We are all creatures of habit. We tend to wake up at the same time each day, brush our teeth, have morning coffee and travel to work, following the same patterns every day.     1    

Behavioral scientists who study habit formation say that many of us try to create healthy habits the wrong way.     2     Here are two tips, backed by research, for forming new healthy habits.

    3     For many of us, our morning routine is the strongest, so that’s a great place to build a new habit. While brushing your teeth, you might stand on one foot to practice balance. Many of us fall into end-of-the-day patterns as well. Do you tend to sink into the sofa after work and turn on the TV? That might be a good time to do a single daily yoga pose.

    4     Wendy Wood, a research psychologist, calls the forces that get in the way of good habits “friction”. In one study, researchers changed the turning of lift doors so that workers had to wait nearly half a minute for the doors to close.     5     Many people are therefore convinced that taking the stairs was easier than waiting for the lift. It shows how sensitive we are to small friction in our environment. Just slowing down the lift got people to take the stairs, and they stuck with it even after the lift went back to normal timing.

3 . Have you ever woken up at midnight with upsetting thoughts? Maybe you argued with your partner. Perhaps you are worrying about an interview. These are common in our life. But they can make it hard to see reality as it is.     1     And thus we may lose sleep and have trouble concentrating. The following methods are helpful.

    2     This method has the benefit of revealing the temporary nature of your thoughts. It can also help to make it easier to let them go. There are many mindfulness practices that might help with this. For example, a simple breath meditation may do the trick. Thoughts can still come into your head as you practice this.

Try to move preferably outside. Physical exercise can be helpful.     3     Walking in the woods can reduce rumination (沉思) more than walking along a road for the same amount of time. If we go out walking, it may help to keep our attention on our surroundings and prevent troubling thoughts from cropping up.

Stop feeding the fire and redirect your attention. If we’re ruminating over things, we may need to focus on better things. We can take a break from social media and practice gratitude for the good in our lives. We can also take action with like-minded people.     4    

Talk to a trusted person or maybe a therapist. We can turn to others for help. Whether they do it with humor or by offering wisdom, sometimes getting an outsider’s perspective can help us a lot.     5     If we don’t have such kind of people, seeing a therapist might be our best option.

5 . While I admit my love for the convenience of modernity,     1    . I daydream of sitting in the writing letters to a sister, pages filled with script and the sound of an ink- dipped metal nib (钢笔尖) scratching along the paper.

    2    . And I was surprised to hear from parents at other schools that their children weren’t learning how to write in script. And indeed, in 2010, the Common Core standards stopped requiring the teaching of cursive (草书) in public schools.

But it appears the tide is turning, and the curlicued (花体的) linked letters — and block printing, too, my personal print of choice — will not go down without a fight. A number of states are now requiring the teaching of cursive in schools, a revival encouraged by educators, researchers, parents, and politicians.     3    . While typing and digital files have been great in preventing a tide of paper waste, when used properly, writing things by hand has the benefit that we should not ignore.

A report in Psychology Today describes the importance to brain development of learning cursive, during the course of which “the brain develops functional specialization that integrates both sensation, movement control, and thinking”. Brain imaging shows how engaged the brain is while learning cursive: “To write clear cursive, fine motor control is needed over the fingers. You have to pay attention and think about what and how you are doing it.     4    . Brain imaging studies show that cursive activates areas of the brain that do not participate in keyboarding.”

    5    . But some traditional skills are too lovely to lose, especially when they come with so many benefits that don’t require an office full of electronics to receive.

6 . How to Make a Marathon Feel Easier

Marathon runners get to influence their effort-based decision making in two ways: firstly by increasing their motivation and, once that is maxed out, by reducing perception of effort, which can be better thought of as “making it feel easier”.     1     But here are some techniques to make that marathon feel more achievable.

Studies have found if we learn to accept unpleasant feelings as something that must be suffered, we perform better and our perception of effort reduces. Before a marathon we do this by “preparing ourselves” for the discomfort ahead. The aim is not to make it too scary but try to control or resist the fears.     2    

You have a long day in front of you, so you may as well try to enjoy it. You can distract yourself from the miles ahead by looking for things to make you smile.     3     Anything that gives you a relief from the discomfort in your body is fair game.

    4     Chunking is a technique where you break down the distance into bits that feel much more manageable and have a goal or a -treat for each one. You can chunk into distance, landmarks, places you’ll see supporters or based on nutrition consumption.

Finally, keeping in mind your technique, create your instructional secret, which is the short phrase you repeat in your head to remind your body how you run at your best.     5     Mine is “head up” but yours might be about your body position, placement or technique. So, head up into your marathon, smile when it gets tricky and pick a tool to make it feel easier.

7 . People perceive happiness differently, with some seeing the glass half full while others half empty. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a social psychologist, explained that happiness comprises positive emotions and life satisfaction.     1     Can you change your set range to be a happier person? She believes that we can change how we think and how we behave and also we can change our habits or develop a new habit. Happy people tend to have such certain habits.

Go with the “flow”. Be absorbed in what you do. “When you’re so fully engaged in what you’re doing that you don’t notice the passage of time, you are in a state called ‘flow’, which is associated with joy,” Lyubomirsky explained. “    2     On the contrary, try something as casual and relaxing as completing a group project at the office or enjoying a hobby with your partner.”

    3     When it comes to your happiness level, personal relationships have a bigger impact than money, a job title or even your health. “Spending more quality time with your partner, spouse, or kids, or reconnecting with old friends, are sure-fire ways to increase your own and others’ average levels of joy.” Lyubomirsky said “pick a relationship in need of strengthening, and invest time and energy in healing, cultivating and enjoying it.”     4    

Practice random acts of kindness and express gratitude. Take a moment to do nice things for others. “Being kind to other people brings on a lot of positive results. It makes you feel generous and capable, leads you to feel grateful about your own situation, and gives you a greater sense of interconnectedness with the world,” Lyubomirsky said. “    5     And, in turn, the benefit helps nurture your own self- esteem and help get you through the rest of the day or week.”

We hope these three tips help you elevate your happiness game.

8 . Benefits of Exploring New Places

Discovering unfamiliar places can often be frightening, but it’s also an adventure that offers many benefits. Whether you go abroad or plan a pleasant, local staycation (就近度假) , traveling gives you the opportunity to step away from your busy schedule to clear your mind and center yourself.     1    .

It improves mental health

It may come as no surprise to learn that exploring new places is good for your physical happiness, but do you know that it’s also good for your mental and emotional health?     2    . It also keeps your brain active as you learn and explore new places, meet new people and live through new experiences. By taking advantage of the freedom that comes with traveling, you’ re accepting a healthy, positive and optimistic mindset.

It lets you disconnect from your daily life

    3    . Traveling offers a great relief from the stress that comes from work and daily demands. A weekend trip or stay cation can help you unwind and explore at a slow and relaxing pace. By taking a break from your daily responsibilities, you’ re giving your body and mind some time to heal and renew.

It helps you step out of your comfort zone

New experiences can often bring forth new challenges.     4    . But once you step out of your comfort zone, you’ll gain a renewed sense of strength and independence. Doing things differently from your daily activities will also help improve your productivity, gain problem- solving skills and build your confidence.

    5    

Traveling can teach you many things about a destination, including its history, people and languages, which a book simply can’t. When you meet with new cultures and people, you’re improving your creativity in the process. Involving yourself in other people’s traditions, beliefs and real- life experiences will teach you new skills and insights, while sparking (激发) your creativity.

10 . How many times have you shrunk yourself because you fear being judged?

There is a term in social psychology called the ‘spotlight effect’.     1     The reality is that everyone is so concerned about their own life that they rarely spend much time thinking about ours.

I have a folder in my laptop where I keep encouraging messages for myself. I want to share one I come back to often: Don’t let others stand in the way of your success.     2     These people are everywhere, and they may feel impactful in the present moment, but they will not matter soon enough as you progress in your journey. This is your life so stop letting other people decide it for you.

    3     We tell ourselves “I can’t do this” or “I am not good enough” or “there is too much competition”. I think it’s a sign of courage and confidence to go for something that is scary, uncertain, and difficult. So, If your heart is set on doing something that you truly believe in-go for it. If it doesn’t work, at least you tried. Find the strength to really believe that you belong in every room you walk into. What you have to say is just as important as anyone else in that room. Most importantly, remind yourself that confidence doesn’t happen in leaps.     4    . Consciously do the work every day until you truly believe that you belong in every room you walk into.

Do the same for yourself as you do for others—reflect on your best qualities, celebrate your strengths, make yourself laugh, treat yourself to things, nurture your own happiness.     5     Just remember to serve yourself from time to time the same way you serve others. To truly give the world your best, you must also treat yourself as your best self.