1 . There is a big difference between offering to help and helping. Almost all of us are guilty (内疚的) about the following _________: Someone talks about a problem, and we answer with _________ words, “Be sure to give me a call if I can help.” But we often do nothing to help.

Once I was in the situation where I _________ these kinds of offers of help—my son just started studying abroad. During those particular days, all I could _________ was the trouble my son would possibly face. It was a very _________ experience. However, there were very few who offered something really helpful.

_________. I had one close friend who took action rather than just saying to offer help. She called, “I know you must be going crazy. I think you need to get away from your _________.” She had already called a few of our friends and _________ a big dinner out. It was a wonderful night. I hadn’t even known how much I needed that break _________ I was there.

After that ____________, I decided I’d ____________ her example and reach out to others. I’ve been ____________ and even guessed wrong at times. But I was amazed when I cheered people up. So ____________ asking someone if they need help, and offer something ____________ then and there. It is a way to show the power of ____________ in an uncertain world.

3 . Every day, as I took long walks through North Vancouver, I would think about the potential joys of a physically closer network. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone who could join me at a moment’s notice? How good would it be to have more non-scheduled hangs instead of ones that had to be planned weeks in advance?

This doesn’t have to be just a dream. Although technology is making it easier to maintain long-distance connections, nothing can replace seeing friends in person. Researchers have found that happiness spreads “like an emotional contagion (传染)”, especially among those who live close together.

Friends who live in the same city could decide to move within walking distance of one another — the same neighborhood, block, or even apartment building. Doing so would likely involve a lot of effort, but the resulting community could pay emotional dividends for years. Doing so would make it easier to support one another materially and emotionally.

Moving close to your friends requires some masterminding. Cities can make doing so easier by ending single-family zoning codes and encouraging a variety of housing types in neighborhoods. But even without official policies, people can make it work on their own. Sam Unger, 32, a food scientist and a friend of mine, has created a chosen family like this in Montreal, where about 15 of her friends live within walking distance of one another. When someone moves away, they try to transfer (移交) their lease (租约) to other friends. And when pals based elsewhere in the city are looking to move, Unger will try selling them on the positives of her neighborhood and sometimes even look for housing for them. “It’s funny,” she told me. “The other day, I bought a fire extinguisher, and she’s like, ‘Oh, well, I have one. You could just call me if you had a fire, and I’d be right over with it.’”

4 . For lots of kids, toddlerhood (幼儿期) is an important time for friendship. Studies show that the earlier kids learn to form positive relationships, the better they are at relating to others as teenagers and adults. Playing together also helps these kids practice social behaviors, such as kindness, sharing, and cooperation.

Even so, how quickly your child develops into a social creature may also depend on his temperament(性格). Some toddler s are very social, but others are shy. In addition, the way that toddlers demonstrate that they like other children is markedly different from what adults think of as expressions of friendship. Research at Ohio State University in Columbus found that a toddler’s way of saying “I like you” during play is likely to come in the form of copying a friend’s behavior.

This seemingly unusual way of demonstrating fondness can result in unpleasant behavior. Regardless of how much they like a playmate, they may still grab his toys, refuse to share, and get bossy. But experts say that this is a normal and necessary part of friendship for kids this age. Through play experiences, toddlers learn social rules. That’s why it’s so important to take an active role in your toddler’s social encounters by setting limits and offering frequent reminders of what they are. When you establish these guidelines, explain the reasons behind them.

Begin by helping your child learn sympathy (“Ben is crying. What’s making him so sad?”), then suggest how he could resolve the problem (“Maybe he would feel better if you let him play the ball.”). When your child shares or shows empathy(同理心) toward a friend, praise him (“Ben stopped crying! You made him feel better.”).

Another way to encourage healthy social interaction is by encouraging kids to use words- not fists-to express how they feel. It’s also important to be mindful of how your child’s personality affects playtime. Kids are easy to get angry when they’re sleepy or hungry, so schedule playtime when they’re refreshed.

5 . In his 1936 work How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie wrote: “I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it.” This distaste for arguments is common, but it depends on a mistaken view of arguments that causes problems for our personal and social lives — and in many ways misses the point of arguing in the first place.

Carnegie would be right if arguments were fights, which is how we often think of them. Like physical fights, verbal (言语的) fights can leave both sides bloodied. Even when you win, you end up no better off. You would be feeling almost as bad if arguments were even just competitions — like, say, tennis tournaments. Pairs of opponents hit the ball back and forth until one winner comes out from all who entered. Everybody else loses. This kind of thinking explains why so many people try to avoid arguments.

However, there are ways to win an argument every time. When you state your position, formulate (阐述) an argument for what you claim and honestly ask yourself whether your argument is any good. When you talk with someone who takes a stand, ask them to give you a reason for their view and spell out their argument fully. Assess its strength and weakness. Raise objections (异议) and listen carefully to their replies. This method will require effort, but practice will make you better at it.

These tools can help you win every argument — not in the unhelpful sense of beating your opponents but in the better sense of learning about what divides people, learning why they disagree with us and learning to talk and work together with them. If we readjust our view of arguments — from a verbal fight or tennis game to a reasoned exchange through which we all gain respect and understanding from each other — then we change the very nature of what it means to “win” an argument.

6 . How to keep a good friendship

It’s not easy for everyone to make friends. Once you have friends, it takes contributions and work on both sides to keep the friendship going. In order to keep a good friendship, you will have to take time to develop your friendship.

Work at keeping a two-way street with your friends. If only one person is attempting to be a good friend, the friendship isn’t going to work. It has to be a partnership where both contribute equally.     1     If you only take and never give, the friendship will fall apart.

    2     Don’t stand by and watch your friend make mistakes. If you think your friends is making a mistake, express your concerns. Be honest about how you feel, but be careful not to criticize your friend.

Try to avoid fighting and arguing. Naturally there will be times when you disagree with each other, but don’t blow things out of proportion(小题大做).     3     Most situations people argue over aren’t worth ending a good friendship.

Never date each other’s boyfriend or girlfriend. This is something that can tear a friendship apart. Friends should have enough love and respect for each other not to do things to hurt each other.     4    

Be there for each other through good times and bad times.     5     Give each other room to grow, and give the friendship room to grow.

7 . For some people charm (吸引力) is a natural gift, but for others being charming is a skill that they need to acquire in order to survive. If you want to charm someone, here are some ways on how to do it.

1.     1     In order to charm someone, you must learn some facts about that person. Determine what his likes and dislikes are. Then try to find the person’s soft spots. In this way, you can easily avoid the things that he doesn’t like and put an effort to show that you are interested in the things he likes.     2    

2.     3     Eye contact is one of the best ways to connect to a person. It helps you create an image that you are confident with yourself and show that you are interested in him. By establishing eye contact with the person you want to charm, you are actually starting a conversation with him.

3. Show respect. By showing respect, you are expressing sincerity to that person. Learn how to politely introduce yourself. You don’t want to create an impression that you are overconfident. A handshake may be the most common way to do it. However, other traditions involve other forms of introductory gestures.     4    

4. Always smile. Smiling is one of the basic ways to charm a person. By smiling a lot, you are creating a positive image for the person you wish to charm. Smiling is also a way of showing that person how glad you are to meet him. Remember to show a sincere and honest smile.     5     Faking a smile can make the person you want to charm think that you are not really interested in meeting him.

8 . Individuals tend to befriend others similar to them for a range of physical factors (e. g. age, gender).To test whether friendship is connected with increased similarity of real-time mental responding, researchers used fMRI (功能性磁共振成像) to scan subjects’ brains during free viewing of naturalistic movies.

Forty-two students participated in the study by Professor Carolyn Parkinson of the University of California, Los Angeles. During the fMRI study, each subject watched the same collection of video parts. The videos covered a variety of topics and genres (e.g. comedies, documentaries, and debates).

The current results suggest that nerve responses when viewing audiovisual (视听的) movies are exceptionally similar among friends, and they are quite alike to one another in terms of how they perceive, interpret, and react to the world around them. These data also demonstrate that it is possible to predict whether two individuals are friends based only on the similarity of temporary patterns in their nerve responses during free viewing of complex, real-world scenes.

A follow-up study analyzing the social relationships of 1,186 children in 49 classrooms showed that similarity of the social brain varied by friendship distance: shared friends showed greater similarity in social brain networks compared with friends-of-friends and even more remotely connected peers.

“Although the results of the current study suggest that friends have incredibly similar nerve responses to naturalistic stimulation, due to this study’s cross-sectional nature, we cannot figure out, based on these results alone, whether nerve response similarity is a cause or consequence of friendship,” Dr Anna Machin, an evolutionary anthropologist(人类学家)said. She described how two tightly bonded people mirror each other’s behavior. Best friends may have similar heart beats, body temperature and hormonal responses.“ It’s as if every part of your body is engaged in having a relationship with that person,” said Machin. “That for me sums up how important best friends are. We wouldn’t have developed this way if those relationships weren’t critical for survival.”