1 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

3 . Having a good sense of humor makes you more enjoyable to be around.     1     . Here’s how you can develop your sense of humor.

●Surround Yourself with Humor

You learn more effectively when you fully expose yourself to a subject. Similarly, you can improve your sense of humor by surrounding yourself with humor. Watch stand-up comedians. Listen to programs that amuse you.Read humorous books.     2     .

●Learn What Amuses You

    3     . We amuse our friends by praising a change they made. However, when it comes to being funny, don’t change your sense of humor to amuse other people. Instead, start with what amuses you.Then, if you think the other person will also be amused with it, share it with them.

●Think About Timing and Audience

You don’t have to be funny all the time, so don’t expect that of yourself. When you catch yourself trying to be funny, slow down. Simply speak slower so you’re not as likely to stop and repeat yourself. Try speaking at 60-70 % of your usual rate.     4     .

●    5    

You don’t need to seize every single opportunity to be funny. If you’re in the middle of a bad joke, just end it. “You know what, now that I’m telling it, it’s not as funny as it sounded in my head,” can be a bit of an awkward end and hurt your pride a little bit, but it saves everyone time and patience. In the long run, they’ll respect your taste.

4 . When I was nine years old, I was desperately in love with a man who was 40 years my senior. Don’t worry; Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees didn’t even know I existed because he’d stopped being an actor 20 years earlier. But that didn’t stop me from decorating my books with love hearts.

The Monkees were entirely manufactured, but as a product they were a success: they used the media to develop a bond between an audience member and her target. In their TV show, they regularly broke the fourth wall, throwing knowing winks (眨眼) to camera, and shared their funny behind-the-scenes lives. They made us think we knew them, as a friend.

This kind of “parasocial relationship” (准社交关系) has long roots in media. Radio characters like Lonesome Gal started her program with, “Sweetie, I love you,” speaking directly to her listeners in the the 1950s. Each individual felt he had her undivided attention. She was an entirely virtual girlfriend, at a time when the word had nothing to do with technology.

Parasocial relationships have become a means to an end in the digital age, now that selling yourself has become a way of life. Using these relationships is how you gain followers, credibility and influence. But once you start to gain a critical mass, the relationship necessarily transforms—at least in the eye of the digital personality. You can speak directly to one fan, or even five. But it’s not possible to respond to the 10, 000 people who subscribe to your TikTok. What was once a close and friendly relationship turns into a business transaction (交易).

Rising social media stars have to manage themselves and their boundaries. That’s one of the most undeveloped skills in the digital age. Today’s parasocial relationships are surfing unknown territory, so it is expected that they—we—will make mistakes. And who is there to help when we’ve put ourselves out there online?

6 . Ways to Always Be Yourself and Live Happily

Don’t aim to please others.     1     This is why you shouldn’t please others but yourself. Pleasing others can be a nice thing to do, but know where your boundaries are. Instead of always aiming to please others, you should do things for yourself as well every now and then.

Don’t worry about how others view you. Occasionally thinking about how others view you may make you change for the better.     2     You should change if you want to, and change into what or who you want to change into.

    3     Do you know who you really are? Ever since you were young, you have been conditioned to be one way or another. It may be unusual just to spend a day being your spontaneous(自然的)self, but sometimes it is the only way that you can learn how to be yourself.

Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for thinking negatively. Forgive yourself for talking without thinking twice. Don’t think negative thoughts about yourself for taking wrong steps or making wrong decisions. This kind of thinking puts your focus on the problem and not the solution. It’s better to say good thing about yourself than to say negative things.     4    

Strive for what you want to accomplish. Being yourself does not have to mean that you have to be stuck in the status quo(现状).     5     And strive for that accomplishment. You can improve yourself while still remaining true to yourself.

8 . After exactly a year of staying at home, we have adapted to socializing digitally, in short bursts of time.Remember in Before Times you could head to the gym after work and then get dressed for dinner and a night out? The pandemic(疫情) has changed this. Our social batteries have run out of charge. It's been a long time since we had to perform our social role for an extended period.

For 23-year-old Hafsa, the excitement of her friends and family to restart their social lives has left her astonished. “ At the minute my parents are planning a trip abroad and I keep postponing getting back to them with a date,” she explains. “They don't know it's because of all of this. Just the thought of being in a room full of people is scary, it's like going back to school.”

Heather Garbutt, psychotherapist of the Counselling & Psychotherapy Centre says communication is key to recharging your unused social battery. “Take it slowly and don't immediately organize a large get-together,” she advises. “Go for a walk with somebody for no more than half an hour and gently get used to being with people again. It may actually be a shock to our system which has been shut down to some degree to cope with absence. We may have that longing to be with others, but that doesn't mean we are free from anxiety. It would be good to start off with a conversation about what it's going to be like when you are all together again.”

She says finding some causal topics to discuss also works. Acknowledge that many of you may feel a bit awkward after being physically apart for so long. It's a bit like learning to walk again after you've broken a limb. It may all be off-balance to begin with but you will find a new steadiness with practice. Whatever happens post-pandemic, your loved ones can't judge if you want to take it easy and not engage in the festivities immediately. We are recovering from a post-pandemic stress disorder, after all.