1 . Behavioral scientists have found that good listening is one of the most important things we can do to improve our relationships.     1     At its core, listening in a one-on-one conversation is about taking an interest in another person and making him/her feel understood.    2     But some recurring (重复出现) features include attentiveness, conveying understanding, and showing a positive intention towards the speaker.

In addition to actively attending to a speaker’s words, good listeners also use questions and body language that indicate their understanding and their desire to understand. This might feel awkward at first, and what’s most effective might depend on your relationship with the speaker.    3     Another great way to show your understanding is by summarizing what you just heard and asking if you have missed anything. Summaries like this show the speaker that you’re truly trying to understand him/her rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. But while a good conversation requires back and forth, planning out your response while the speaker is talking is a common way to miss what’s being said.    4     This might feel embarrassing, but asking for clarification actually shows that you’re committed to understanding.

    5     It’s okay to ask for a moment to formulate your response and taking a beat to think can help speakers reflect on their speech as well.

These might seem like small changes, but together they make a big difference. And when people feel heard, they report more satisfaction, trust, and connection in their relationships.

2 . PEER PRESSURE

Have you ever been forced to do anything? Have you ever felt that you are in a tight corner because of someone’s comment?     1     Peer pressure is the influence a social group has on him or her.

    2     We all want to be part of a group and feel like we belong to our community. Peer pressure can happen when we are influenced to do something that we would not usually do because we want to be accepted by our peers. Children and young adults feel social pressure to be in line with the peer group.

Peer pressure can influence how people dress, how they talk, what music they listen to, what attitudes they adopt and how they behave. Teenagers want to be liked, to fit in and to be accepted.     3     People who are low in confidence and unsure of themselves may be more likely to seek their peers’ approval by going along with risky suggestions or choosing the “wrong” path.

Students can do a lot to avoid peer pressure. The most important thing is to build up self-confidence, so that it is easier to say “no” to the peer group.     4     It’s a good idea for teens to surround themselves with positive role models—people who don’t make fun of them, but accept them and are confident themselves. It’s also important for young people to think about the consequences of their actions.     5     If they stop and think about the consequences, they might make a different decision.

4 . Do you feel like an outsider, like you don’t belong anywhere or that you just don’t fit in? Here are some tips for you to deal with these feelings.

    1     Often it’s really only your own mind and emotions that tell you that you don’t fit in. Actually, you may fit in fine. Feeling like you don’t belong isn’t always a bad thing either. Remember, it’s the people that are unique in this world that make the biggest impact. You don’t want to change yourself just to fit in with a certain group of people.     2     They end up wanting to gain approval from others and end up losing themselves in the process.

Let go of past anger. We’re so angry at people that we can’t relate to anyone or only expect the worst from others. Once I figured out how to let go of my past, I became much more comfortable being me.     3     Maybe because I didn’t care as much what they thought of me but more likely just because I think people are more affected by the “aura” you give off.

Focus on your wants and desires. Instead of focusing on the problem that you don’t feel like you fit in, try turning it around. What do you want to explore, what goals do you have, or what do you want to learn?     4     There are so many incredible and inspiring things in this world to explore. Focus on the positive and the beauty of the world rather than getting caught up in a negative situation.

The key to handling the situation of “I feel like an outsider” is really all in how you react to that feeling.     5     As those who have gone through the same feelings show, there can definitely be an advantage to being unique. You truly are special and there is no one else quite like you. You just need to be willing to share the real you with the world.

5 . It seems that friends often have similar body odor. Dogs greet other dogs using their noses first, as they are sniffing each other. People are not quite so open about the process of sniffing each other out.

    1     There is also evidence that human beings can infer kinship, deduce emotional states and even detect disease via the sense of smell.     2     They think they have shown, admittedly in a fairly small sample of individuals, that friends actually smell alike.

They have also shown that this is probably the case from the get-go, with people picking friends at least partly on the basis of body odor, rather than the body odor of people who become friends subsequently converging.

As they report in Science Advances, these scientists started their research by testing the odors of 20 pairs of established, non-romantic, same-sex friends.     3     The e-nose used a set of metal-oxide gas sensors to assess T-shirts worn by participants.     4     Those in the other group were asked to rate the odors of individual T-shirts on five subjective dimensions: pleasantness, intensity, sexual attractiveness, competence and warmth.

The e-nose results and the opinions of the second group of smellers were then subjected to a bit of multidimensional mathematical analysis, emerging as simple, comparable numbers.

All three approaches yielded the same result. The T-shirts of friends smelt more similar to each other than did the T-shirts of strangers.     5    

7 . When a Houston dad found out his eight-year-old son was being bullied (欺负), he didn’t get mad at the classmate who teased him. Instead, he talked with the so-called bully and realized that the boy was struggling, too.

Aubrey Fontenot’s son, Jordan, told him a boy named Tamarion was teasing him. Fontenot decided to sit down with his son and Tamarion to understand what was going on, and something unexpected happened.

Tamarion told Fontenot he was being teased at school, too. “I asked, ‘By who? You are big. You are huge. Who is teasing you?’” the father said. “He said, ‘Just all the other kids, man. They are making fun of me.” Fontenot learned that Tamarion was getting teased for his clothes and shoes—his clothes and shoes were old and dirty. Fontenot then spoke to the boy’s mother. “She kind of confirmed it,” Fontenot said. “And she said, ‘That’s the kind of situation.’”

He felt sympathetic to the young boy and wanted to help. So he asked Tamarion’s mom if he could take her son to do some shopping.

Fontenot posted videos of their trip to the mall on social media and they went viral. Tamarion eventually smiled, and then the two were laughing and singing together on their shopping trip. Just as if he were taking his own son to do some shopping, Fontenot got Tamarion new clothes and shoes, and shared words of wisdom with him.

Then, the dad united the two boys. He said it was awkward at first—just a day earlier, they didn’t get along well at school. But the two classmates started playing sports games together and soon became friends.

It was not just about the clothes and shoes. Tamarion gained a friend in Jordan, and a mentor in his dad. Fontenot said he was also bullied when he was a child, so he knew it was important to listen to Tamarion’s story. He chose kindness instead of anger and brought the two boys together. “I wouldn’t say that was the goal, but that was the reward,” Fontenot said.

8 . When romantic partners argue over things like finances, jealousy, or other interpersonal issues, they tend to employ their current feelings as fuel for a heated argument. But thinking about the future helps overcome relationship conflicts, according to a University of Waterloo study just published online in Social Psychological and Personality Science. Alex Huynh, a doctoral candidate in psychology is the lead author of the study, which he published with Igor Grossmann from the University of Waterloo, and Daniel Yang from Yale University.

Previous research has shown that third-perspective reasoning can be a positive strategy for reconciliation (调解) of interpersonal struggles. Huynh and his collaborators investigated whether similar benefit can be induced by simply thinking about the future. Study participants were instructed to reflect on a recent conflict with a romantic partner or a close friend. One group of participants were then asked to describe how they would feel about the conflict one year in the future, while another group was asked to describe how they feel in the present.

The team examined participants’ written responses through a text-analysis program for their use of pronouns — such as I, me, she, he. These choices of pronouns were used to capture participants’ focus on the feelings and behaviour of those involved in the conflict. Written responses were also examined for forgiveness and reinterpreting the conflict more positively, both of which implied the participants’ use of reasoning strategies.

The researchers found that envisioning future relationship affected both participants’ focus on their feelings, and their reasoning strategies. As a result, participants reported more positivity about their relationship altogether, especially when study participants extended their thinking about the relationship a year into the future.

“Our study demonstrates that adopting a future-oriented perspective in the context of a relationship conflict — reflecting on how one might feel a year from now — may be a valuable coping tool for one’s psychological happiness and relationship well-being,” said Huynh.

9 . Treat People with Respect

Respect in interpersonal relationship(人际关系) means honoring and valuing other people even if you do not agree with their views or actions. Being a respectful person is a valuable quality that will help you both personally and professionally. You might even find that acting respectfully towards others encourages them to treat you with more respect.

    1     If you want people to treat you with kindness, treat other people with kindness. If you want people to talk to you calmly, talk to others calmly. When you notice something you dislike in someone else, ensure that you don’t treat people in that same way. Instead, extend the kind of words and behaviors you’d like people to give you.

Put yourself into other people’s shoes. It can be hard to be respectful of other people’s views if you cannot relate to them. For example, if you’re in conflict with someone, imagine what it would be like to have their experiences and feelings. This can help you understand their point of view better.

    2     While your opinions are reasonable, people may not want your opinion on everything. Get into a habit of only giving your opinion when it is asked for. This means allowing people to make their own choices, even if you disagree with them,

Value other people’s opinions. Listen to people’s ideas, opinions, and advice with an open mind. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with them, consider their words without immediately disagreeing with them.

    3     If you constantly judge or criticize a person, they may not be open to your words, and instead feel as if you are bullying them. If you have something to say, do so in a way that encourages them.

10 . One Saturday evening, there was a knock at the door of my clinic. My friend Jacqui was standing there holding a towel _______ around something. "I saw him hit at the crossing," she said, very _______. "It's an echidna(针鼹); he may lose a leg."

Nursing birds is my usual _______. I know a lot about local varieties that live around the park I manage. People often _______ injured or sick birds for me to nurse back to _______, and I do well, but I'd never _______ an echidna. Some insecure, I carefully undid the towel and, to my _______, saw all four legs were complete. I attached a small oxygen mask(面罩) to his nose. The next morning, I _______ the mask. His condition was much improved and he seemed _______, keeping his eye on me.

We had a large empty cage, and inside it was a bath with much leaf litter. The bath was a very __________ place for the echidna, for he could dig and bury himself in — the animal's routine, and I __________ him there. When I checked on him the next day, only the leaf litter piled up was __________. There was no echidna. I finally found him attempting a(n) __________ under our front gate. He was __________ ready to go home, so Jacqui and I drove to where she __________ him, and watched as he happily walked off.