The Best Response to Criticism
When someone criticizes you, your natural reaction is mostly to feel bad about it or defend yourself. If you lack confidence or if you have no clear opinion about yourself, you may also feel pain and even accept the criticism as true. Living in this world, we have to deal with the opinions of others and keep ourselves safe from their negativity.
Sometimes, you will face genuine criticism from others. If you are too caught up in defensive attitude and not being open minded, you may not receive the criticism well and may not perceive the truth in it. When you are criticized, remember that your opinion of yourself is probably more genuine than the opinion of another who does not know you as much as you know about you.
Yet, we give so much importance to what others say and what they think about us. It is natural because we prefer to be approved and accepted by others, or at least respected and acknowledged for who we are. The truth is, in many respects, criticism is a reflection of the person who indulges in it rather than you. A critic’s criticism reveals more about him and his judgment rather than the object of his criticism.
Criticism is a personal opinion of the critic. It very much depends upon the person, his or her thinking, beliefs, knowledge, attitude and values. It is a product of his worldview, upbringing, values, beliefs, likes and dislikes, knowledge and ignorance. It also depends upon his relationship and attitude towards the person for whom the criticism is intended.
A criticism which is not based upon true discernment(识别能力)and purity of perception and judgment should not be considered true criticism. You can ignore it or use it to know the people who criticize.
Every criticism helps you know about you or those who engage in it. Use it to improve yourself or your relationships. If you understand this truth, you will accept criticism as a blessing and an opportunity to become a better person with better awareness.
1. According to this passage, what is the natural reaction when one gets criticized?2. Why do we give so much importance to what others say and what they think about us?
3. Please decide which part is false in the following statement, then underline it and explain why.
Since every criticism is a personal opinion of the critic, it is not helpful for us.
4. How do you usually respond to criticism?(In about 40 words)
2 . We are often reminded of Oscar Wilde’s saying that “sarcasm (讽刺) is the lowest form of wit” while forgetting the following “but the highest form of intelligence”. Parents or teachers of teenagers, in particular, may find it hard to believe that it is actually a sign of a flexible and inventive mind.
Yet that is exactly what psychologists and neuroscientists have been arguing. They have found that sarcasm requires the brain to jump through numerous hoops (圈) to arrive at a correct interpretation, requiring more brainpower than literal statements.
If you’re still not convinced that your teen’s love of sarcasm is a thing worth celebrating, consider a recent experiment from Li Huang, a psychologist at Insead’s business school in Fontainebleau, France.
In the experiment, participants were presented with a candle, a pack of matches and a box of tacks (图钉). Their task was to find a way to attach the candle to the wall so that it could burn without dripping wax on the floor. The correct answer is to empty the box of tacks, pin it to the wall, and then place the candle inside a solution that will only come to mind if you are prepared to think about the functions of each object.
Before working on the problem, some participants were asked to recall a sarcastic interaction, while others remembered a sincere or neutral exchange. Quite amazingly, the sarcastic memories more than doubled the participants’ success rate, from around 30% to more than 60%.
It may initially feel like a shock when parents notice their children using sarcasm——a sign, perhaps, of a more adult-like cynicism (愤世嫉俗) that conflicts with their impressions of their children’s youthful innocence. Parents may feel particularly helpless when dealing with a teenager who uses it in almost all interactions, as if they struggle. to express any sincere emotions.
But should we blame teens for applying this handy tool? Perhaps it’s better seen as the useful practice of a vital ability. Penny Pexman, a psycholinguist at the University of Calgary agrees and it is for this reason that she has produced Sydney Gets Sarcastic, a storybook that provides multiple examples of sarcasm and the reasons it was used. In a recent experiment on 5-to 6-year-olds, she showed that children who read and discussed the story found it easier to detect sarcastic statements in a following test.
1. Why does the author refer to Oscar Wilde’s words at the beginning of the text?A.To give a definition of sarcasm. |
B.To stress the significance of sarcasm. |
C.To express his concern about sarcasm. |
D.To show the misunderstanding of sarcasm. |
A.They tended to stay long with participants. |
B.They offered clues to the problem to be solved. |
C.They could force participants to face problems. |
D.They contributed greatly to participant’s success. |
A.It shows their innocence. |
B.It helps them express emotions. |
C.It is not appropriate for their age. |
D.It allows them to behave like adults. |
A.To urge parents to learn from their children’s sarcasm. |
B.To teach parents how to respond to their children’s sarcasm. |
C.To show parents the positive side of their children’s sarcasm. |
D.To remind parents to teach their children to use words properly. |
3 . Suppose you are out shopping and come across an acquaintance who starts telling you a story that seems to be dragging on and on. You want to seem interested, so you offer the occasional “Oh” or “I see”. To your surprise, though, this person angrily stops in their tracks and says, “Sorry if I’m boring you!”
Where did this come from? Clearly, your body language must have betrayed you. The idea that verbal (口头的) and nonverbal messages can conflict was the inspiration for a recently published study from Yale University’s Lueylle Armentano. As part of her study of communication in relationships, Armentano’s research also examined communication channels in people meeting for the first time.
To test the role of verbal-nonverbal mismatch on emotional communication, Armentano and her partner created experimental conditions to see what happens when someone asks for help from strangers. The research team created videotapes of a fellow Yale student expressing nervousness in his words, bodily gestures, or both. The bodily gestures included running his hands through his hair, grabbing his arm, and facially expressing uneasiness. The key question was whether the other participants, another 82 Yale students, would believe the student and provide the help he was requesting. They needed to give their responses.
Turning to the findings, those nonverbal cues (提示) of nervousness had a greater impact on helping behavior than the verbal cues. Surprisingly, helping behavior was the highest when verbal expressions of nervousness were low but nonverbal cues were high.
Recognizing that your body language can outweigh your words means that you need to be mindful of what your body is doing when you’re interacting with others. Generally, when someone is speaking to you, you want to look like you’re interested. Not only should you maintain eye contact, but you should keep your body still and face toward the other person. If you’re not trying to look interested, it may be more polite to say you have to be somewhere else.
1. What is paragraph 1 mainly about?A.The obvious advantages of body language. |
B.A situation where body language is a must. |
C.An example of verbal-nonverbal mismatch. |
D.The proper way to interact with old friends. |
A.Express nervousness in their words. | B.Identify the types of body language. |
C.Try to win the nervous student’s trust. | D.Respond to the nervous student’s request. |
A.His sincere verbal expressions. | B.His bodily gestures of nervousness. |
C.His positive attitude to nervousness. | D.His good manners in front of others. |
A.Make a prediction. | B.Offer suggestions. |
C.Present some facts. | D.Give some warnings. |
4 . Honesty is important. However, not everyone seems to think so. Lies and the hiding of truth are commonplace. But when examining the case for honesty, you realize it’s a better option. Here are the reasons why the value of honesty is beyond measure.
It is easier to understand.
You are more likely to get what you want. We often hide our true desires or preferences rather than speak out the truth. But when we are completely honest with ourselves and others, we encourage the right actions that lead to what we want.
It is better for your inner peace. Lying doesn’t come easy for most people. When you cheat others, it can feel like you are going against your values. Not only that, but as soon as you lie, you will live with the fear of that lie being discovered. That’s a mentally tiring thing.
A.Telling the truth is simple. |
B.It is the best way to prove your honesty. |
C.Instead, it is so hard that no one can do it. |
D.When we speak up, the other person is more likely to listen. |
E.Honesty, though not always easy, doesn’t carry such burdens. |
F.When you are clear in what you think, there’s no grey area for confusion. |
G.Actually, it can be hard when you tell others what they don’t want to hear. |
5 . They caused the first wound, but you are causing the rest; this is what not forgiving does. They got it started but you keep it going. Forgive and let it go, or it will eat you alive. You think they made you feel this way, but when you don’t forgive, you are the one creating the pain on yourself.
Whatever you do — don’t wait to forgive someone until they apologize, ask for your forgiveness or even admit they have harmed you. If you are waiting for someone to admit they have hurt you, you could be waiting forever and it puts them in the power position, where you need something from them to move forward in your own life.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with how wrong someone else was; no matter how wrong they are, when you forgive a person, you break the ties with their ill deeds that keep you in pain. Forgiving breaks the unhealthy bonds between you and the one who hurt you, and redefines you as an independent victor in your own life. Whether they accept their responsibility or not, you are no longer dependent on their participation for your healing (治愈). You can forgive them, and you can then move on. Boundaries are an essential part of forgiveness.
It is easy to hold a grudge (记仇). It is easy to blame. But these experiences are a lasting role of a powerless victim (受害者). When you hold grudges the victimization continues.
It takes emotional bravery to forgive. It takes a huge determination toward self-care to let go of painful past events and not let them identify your future. There is no self-love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without self-love. Forgiving others may be the ultimate act of self-love. Through forgiveness you can protect yourself from suffering from the lapses made by others.
1. According to the author, if you don’t forgive, you’ll _____.A.suffer further | B.keep your pride |
C.become stronger | D.receive an apology |
A.It counts a great deal. | B.It is tied to you firmly. |
C.It is nothing important. | D.It decides whether you forgive. |
A.decisions | B.mistakes |
C.contributions | D.apologies |
A.To advise us not to blame others. |
B.To tell us it is difficult to forgive others. |
C.To tell us the importance of forgiving others. |
D.To advise us to learn to forgive others for self-love. |
6 . Everybody wants to hang out with fun people. Nobody wants to be classified as “boring”. It’s just that some of us need a little help in this department. Being fun to hang out with fun people starts with developing healthy self-esteem (自尊) , an adventurous spirit, and a kind personality.
Be confident.
Show interest. Listen and show kindness to others during conversation. If people think they can talk to you about anything, they’ll invite you to hang out more often.
Smile. Looking the part of a fun person is half the battle, and it’s not even really much of a battle because once you get the hang of it, smiling just becomes a reflex, and an attractive one at that.
Learn how to “hang out”.
A.Be positive |
B.Hold the conversation |
C.Don’t control the conversation |
D.Have a healthy sense of self or good self-esteem |
E.Hanging out means the same thing to every person |
F.All of this will make you an ideal person to hang out with |
G.Hanging out can mean different things to different people |
7 . When you are communication, you spend nearly 60% of your time listening to other people, but most people only remember 25% of what they hear.
Be more present. When you are listening to someone, put everything else aside and give your full attention to the person. Make sure you keep eye contact with the person at all times.
Ask more questions. Being a good listener doesn't just mean that you sit quietly and let the other person speak.
Train your emotional intelligence. Your emotional intelligence influences your ability to listen to other people.
Make a note of the conversation.
A.Try to think carefully. |
B.Be in sympathy with the person. |
C.The good news is that you can train it. |
D.So why can't most people be great listeners? |
E.You also need to inquire about something meaningful. |
F.So what can you do to listen more and become a great listener? |
G.When you finish the discussion, don't move on to the next thing immediately. |
8 . Talking to someone on a train, bus, or subway can be risky yet exciting, as you never know when they’re going to get off. Starting a connection can be fun as the costs are fairly low and you can easily start and stop a conversation, or get off if things become awkward.
Make eye contact. Making brief eye contact can show the persons that you’re interested and help you judge whether they are interested in you. Glance at the persons and try to hold your gaze (注视) for just a second or two.
Smile at the persons. If you’ve successfully met their gaze, smile at them.
If you want to start a conversation with the persons, smiling is a great way to get somebody’s attention.
Approach the persons to start talking to them.
A.Use open body language. |
B.Mind your manners while talking. |
C.Notice how they respond to your gaze. |
D.Don’t worry because you can follow some tips that make you smile. |
E.Once you’ve read that the persons are interested in chatting, make a move. |
F.A small but sincere smile makes you appear interested, friendly and approachable. |
G.Therefore, try to get someone’s attention and start a conversation by following the tips. |
9 . When romantic partners argue over things like finances, jealousy, or other interpersonal issues, they tend to employ their current feelings as fuel for a heated argument. But thinking about the future helps overcome relationship conflicts, according to a University of Waterloo study just published online in Social Psychological and Personality Science. Alex Huynh, a doctoral candidate in psychology is the lead author of the study, which he published with Igor Grossmann from the University of Waterloo, and Daniel Yang from Yale University.
Previous research has shown that third-perspective reasoning can be a positive strategy for reconciliation (调解) of interpersonal struggles. Huynh and his collaborators investigated whether similar benefit can be induced by simply thinking about the future. Study participants were instructed to reflect on a recent conflict with a romantic partner or a close friend. One group of participants were then asked to describe how they would feel about the conflict one year in the future, while another group was asked to describe how they feel in the present.
The team examined participants’ written responses through a text-analysis program for their use of pronouns — such as I, me, she, he. These choices of pronouns were used to capture participants’ focus on the feelings and behaviour of those involved in the conflict. Written responses were also examined for forgiveness and reinterpreting the conflict more positively, both of which implied the participants’ use of reasoning strategies.
The researchers found that envisioning future relationship affected both participants’ focus on their feelings, and their reasoning strategies. As a result, participants reported more positivity about their relationship altogether, especially when study participants extended their thinking about the relationship a year into the future.
“Our study demonstrates that adopting a future-oriented perspective in the context of a relationship conflict — reflecting on how one might feel a year from now — may be a valuable coping tool for one’s psychological happiness and relationship well-being,” said Huynh.
1. What do romantic partners do in face of most disagreements?A.They lose faith in their future. | B.They focus on their present feelings. |
C.They look forward to a fierce conflict. | D.They care more about financial problems. |
A.Caused. | B.Explained. |
C.Reduced. | D.Improved. |
A.All the study participants described how they felt both in the present and in the future. |
B.Study participants described their recent relationship with their romantic partners or friends. |
C.A text-analysis program was employed to examine participants’ use of negative words. |
D.The reasoning strategies in participants’ written responses were well worthy of note. |
A.You have a year to solve your interpersonal problems! |
B.Thinking about future is essential for relationship maintenance! |
C.Your current feelings are the real cause of your heated arguments! |
D.Beneficial reasoning is a positive strategy for reconciliation! |
10 . How often do you have a conversation with someone, and think you are paying attention to him or her, only to realize shortly afterwards that you can't remember what he said? Or, perhaps you get distracted while he is speaking and miss the message that he is trying to deliver.
But how can we listen more effectively?
First of all, be present. When we listen mindfully, our focus should be on the person we are listening to without distractions. Then develop empathy (共鸣). We often see the world through our own experiences. When we're empathetic, we can understand a situation from someone else's point of view.
In conclusion, the rule is straightforward: simply “Listen”! Listen carefully and attentively. Pay full attention to the other person, and don' t let other thoughts, like what we are going to say next, distract us.
A.Finally, listen to our own “cues” |
B.What can we do with mindful listening |
C.But how can we apply mindful listening to our life |
D.At last, “cues” helps us understand the speaker's ideas |
E.In today's busy world, modern life is full of distractions |
F.Besides, it allows us to choose not to let them block communication |
G.Professor Jon Kabat - Zinn put forward the idea of mindful listening |