I don’t look like the rest of my family. As a matter of fact, I stand out quite a bit with my white skin and blue eyes. When people see us together, it is clear that I am adopted. I am happy to have such a loving and caring family, but sometimes I wish I knew who my birth parents are.

My friends often ask, “Are you sad that you don’t know your real parents?” I know that they are just curious and concerned about me — I’m fine, for the most part — but I feel like there’s something missing in my life, like a giant hole in my heart. My mother listens when I tell her about my feelings, and she feels that it is important for me to be in touch with my culture. Because of this, she and I go to Chinese Heritage Camp (CHC) each year in Snow Mountain Ranch.

CHC is a two-day camp where hundreds of adopted kids like me spend time with each other. We talk about how it feels to be adopted, and we participate in fun outdoor activities. It’s great because we can talk about our feelings without having the conversation get too intense. Confusion, occasional disappointment and anger are no longer strange; they are normal here. It makes me feel like I am not alone, and there is someone out there going through the exact same emotions. Whether we’re talking, laughing, crying, or dancing, CHC is always an experience to remember. I like all of the new people I meet, and I will keep them in my heart forever, because it always feels good to know there are people out there just like me.

In this way, my journey to find my roots continues for several years. I also gradually come out from the shadow of a seemingly inseparable teenager. Camp has changed the way I look at things. Each year seems to open up new surprises, adventures and friendships.

CHC teaches me to learn that being adopted doesn’t mean that I’m strange.

I also sincerely love and thank my parents.

2 . Binge-watching (刷剧) is when a person watches more than one episode of a show in a row. With developments in the speed and connectivity of the Internet, increases in technology and the rise of on-demand entertainment companies, people can now have their favorite shows stream (流播) directly to their television at their convenience.

This behavior is nothing new. In fact, binge-watching has been officially listed in dictionaries since 2015. The entertainment companies recognize this behavior and many take steps to encourage it. Often, instead of releasing each episode on a week-by-week basis, an entire series will become available concurrently. Once the episode finishes, many platforms will display pop-ups with “you might like” suggestions, or will automatically play the next episode.

However, recent research suggests that out of the more than half of British adults who watch more than one episode of a show back-to-back (一集接一集地), almost a third have admitted missing sleep or becoming tired as a result; and 25% have neglected their household chores (家务活). Next we’ll be missing work!

Bingeing has other connections — binge eating, binge drinking and binge smoking. All of them are often associated with a lack of control and a possible route to addiction. Lindsey Fussell, consumer group director, said, “The days of waiting a week for the next episode are largely gone, with people finding it hard to resist (抗拒) watching multiple episodes around the house or on the move.” If people find binge-watching hard to resist, are we witnessing the birth of a new type of addiction?

The countless number of information and entertainment that television and online media can bring us is, many would say, a good thing. However, when the activity begins to bleed into other areas, causing us to stop functioning, then it becomes a problem. So, what’s the answer? Moderation! Neither a tiny amount, nor too much. After all, as the old proverb says, “A little of what you fancy does you good.”

7 . Search “toxic parents”, and you’ll find more than 38, 000 posts, largely urging young adults to cut ties with their families. The idea is to safeguard one’s mental health from offensive parents. However, as a psychoanalyst (精神分析学家), I’ve seen that trend in recent years become a way to manage conflicts in the family, and I have seen the severe impacts estrangement (疏远) has on both sides of the divide. This is a self-help trend that creates much harm.

“Canceling” your parent can be seen as an extension of a cultural trend aimed at correcting imbalances in power and systemic inequality. Today’s social justice values respond to this reality, calling on us to criticize oppressive and harmful figures and to gain power for those who have been powerless. But when adult children use the most effective tool they have—themselves—to gain a sense of security and ban their parents from their lives, the roles are simply switched, and the pain only deepens.

Often, what I see in my practice are cases of family conflict mismanaged, power dynamics turned upside down rather than negotiated. I see the terrible effect of that trend: situations with no winners, only isolated humans who long to be known and feel safe in the presence of the other.

The catch is that after estrangement, adult children are not suddenly less dependent. In fact, they feel abandoned and betrayed, because in the unconscious, it doesn’t matter who is doing the leaving; the feeling that remains is “being left”. They carry the ghosts of their childhood, tackling the emotional reality that those who raised us can never truly be left behind, no matter how hard we try.

What I have found is that most of these families need repair, not permanent break-up. How can one learn how to negotiate needs, to create boundaries and to trust? How can we love others, and ourselves, if not through accepting the limitations that come with being human? Good relationships are not the result of a perfect level of harmony but rather of successful adjustments.

To pursue dialogue instead of estrangement will be hard and painful work. It can’t be a single project of “self-help”, because at the end of the day, real intimacy (亲密关系) is achieved by working through the injuries of the past together. In most cases of family conflict, repair is possible and preferable to estrangement—and it’s worth the work.

It had been a challenging week, marked by a sudden large increase in oil prices coinciding with a sharp drop in temperatures in Boston. It was nearly below zero degree. With three missed workdays under my belt, my upcoming paycheck was going to be lower than normal. The stress weighed heavily on me as I carefully sought for every conceivable opportunity to save pennies, ensuring that I could afford both groceries and keep the house warm.

My eight-year-old son didn’t understand when I told him we were struggling that week. He had his heart set on a particular brand of yogurt, but I didn’t have the extra three dollars to buy it for him. It was the kind of yogurt decorated with a cartoon child skateboarding on its packaging, containing a mere two spoonfuls per cup. Such products, designed to lure children with their flashy marketing, only served to make me hate advertising.

However, a bunch of parental guilt gripped me as his innocent eyes met mine, silently questioning, “Why is yogurt such a big deal?” Determıned to sweep his disappointment, I made a sacrifice typical of single mothers. I returned an item needed to the shelf, ensuring that he could enjoy his favorite yogurt.

On the journey back from the grocery store, a sight caught my attention—a homeless man, holding a sign by the roadside. My heart ached, and I turned around, observing   passers-by purposefully steer (绕开) clear of him, avoiding any meaningful interaction. Even my son didn’t seem to care much. either. Yet, upon closer inspection, I noticed the man—bare hands grasping a piece of cardboard, snot frozen to his face, a worn-out jacket. And there I was struggling because I had to buy oil and groceries. But I decided to help. I pulled over to the man and handed him a five-dollar bill.

Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.

On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn’t have done.