3 . One school night this month I quietly approached Alexander, my 15-year-old son, and patted him on the cheek in a manner I hoped would seem casual. Alex knew better, sensing by my touch, which remained just a moment too long, that I was sneaking (偷偷地做) a touch of the beard that had begun to grow near his ears. Suddenly he went stormily to his computer screen. That, and an angry look of his eyes, told me more forcefully than words: Mom, you are seen through!

I realized I committed a silly behavior: not showing respect for my teenager’s personal space. “The average teenager has strong feelings about his privacy,” said two young women experts. Ms. Frankel and Ms. Fox, both 17, are the authors of Breaking the Code, a new book that seeks to bridge the generational divide between parents and adolescents. It is being promoted by its publisher as the first self-help guide by teenagers for their parents, a kind of Kids Are From Mars, Parents Are From Venus that explains the language and actions of teenagers.

Personally, I welcomed insights into teenagers from any qualified experts, and that included the authors. The most common missteps in interacting with teenagers, they instructed me, result from the conflict between parents maintaining their right to know what goes on under their roof and teenagers striving to guard their privacy. When a child is younger, they write, every decision centers around the parents. But now, as Ms. Fox told me, “often your teenager is in this circle that doesn’t include you.”

Ms. Fox and Ms. Frankel acknowledge that teenagers can be quick to interpret their parents’ remarks a s negative or authoritative and respond with aggressiveness that masks their defenselessness. “What we want above all is your approval,” they write. “Don’t forget, no matter how much we act as if we don’t care what you say, we believe the things you say about us.”

4 . When she was 86, Mom moved to our city. My husband, Kevin, and I found a lovely apartment for her. I was happy to help take care of her _________ she arrived.

The day after she moved in, she called me to _________ about the food nearby. “The pizza was like rubber. I couldn’t _________ it.” “Mom, you’re complaining to me. Wouldn’t it make more sense to tell someone who can _________ the problem?” We hung up. This was only her second day here! And week after week, Mom found more to complain about.

When with my friend Beth, I spent 20 minutes sharing how Mom’s attitude _________ me. “She seems _________ . After everything Kevin and I do for her, all we hear is what she doesn’t like.” As the words spilled from my lips, I realized that I’d developed the same _________ of complaining that annoyed me so much in Mom.

I decided to keep a better watch on my _________. Things went fine for a few weeks. But soon I felt powerless to _________ by myself and couldn’t help complaining to Beth about Mom’s __________ again.

A few days later, I received a journal from my friend Torry. On the first page, he had written, “Jeanette, I use such a journal every day to __________ things I’m thankful for.” I wrote three things I was grateful for. When I looked at them, __________ filled my heart. Maybe this was it. It was a joyous replacement that helped me overcome the complaining — __________ .

Over the next few months, as I continued, I noticed little things I’d __________ . Life was handing out gift after gift, including Mom, complaints and all. I couldn’t change her; I could only __________ her.

5 . My daughter loved dancing until she didn’t find it attractive. After an _________ first year, I noticed her interest fading week by week. Then one day, she slowly walked to me before class and asked if she could just _________ it.

My first reaction was to advise her to “finish what you start”. _________, sticking with something difficult can teach perseverance, discipline and confidence. But watching mydaughter ____ herself into each ballet position, I started to question how much _________ that “blanket advice” made. Is it really in my kid’s best _________ or even practical, to make her stick to every commitment through until she reaches a bitter end? What if there are different but _________ valuable qualities, which can be gained by _________ the things that are not right for her.

After a few days’ consideration, she decided dance wasn’t for her - a choice I _________. Quitting is never a black and white issue. Sometimes, it means __________ a barrier in your way to love something else. In my daughter’s case, ending dance made space for her new hobbies, such as horseback riding and Girl Scouts. She’s into them for now, but it is okay if that __________ changes.

As adults, we are used to __________ the power of saying yes, but what about saying no? The ability to recognize when something isn’t an __________ investment of our time or energy is also important. As my daughter gets older, I want her to feel confident to __________ something that’s no longer meeting her needs. She shouldn’t be held back by the thought that she must finish something at any cost __________ because she has started.

6 . My father told me a family story about his mother, my grandmother.

In 1949, my father had just returned home from the war. On every American highway you could see soldiers in uniform hitchhiking (搭便车) home to their families, as was the custom at that time in America.

Sadly, the excitement of this reunion with his family soon disappeared. My grandmother became very ill and had to be in hospital. The doctors told my father that she needed a blood transfusion immediately or she wouldn’t live through the night. The problem was that Grandmother’s blood types was AB-, a very rare type even today, but even harder to get then because there were no blood banks or air flights to ship blood. All the family members had their blood tested, but not one member was a match. So the doctors gave the family no hope; my grandmother was dying.

My father left the hospital in tears to gather up all the family members, so that everyone would get a chance to tell Grandmother good-bye. As my father was driving down the highway, he passed a soldier in uniform hitchhiking home to his family. Deep in sadness, my father had no inclination at that moment to do a good deed. Yet it was almost as if something outside himself pulled him to a stop, and he waited as the stranger climbed into the car.

My father was too upset to even ask the soldier his name, but the soldier noticed my father’s tears right away and asked why. My father told this total stranger everything.

It got very quiet in the car. Then this soldier reached his hand out to my father, in which rested the dog tags from around his neck. The blood type on the tags was AB-. The soldier told my father to turn the car around and get him to the hospital.

My grandmother lived until 1996, and to this day no one in our family knows the soldier’s name. But my father has often wondered, was he a soldier or an angel in uniform?

8 . It was several days after my mom had passed away and I was at a loss how to carry on with my life. Therefore, when I received an email from a friend about a race benefiting cancer research, I ignored (忽略) it. It seemed to be heart-breaking, as cancer was the disease that had taken my mother away from me.

But a general responsibility for game organizing made me obliged to agree. In the weeks to come, I managed to re-enter t ho world of the living. I choked our team’s website daily. Feeling proud each time a donation added to our total. I knew my mom would have wanted it that way. She was the type who never got defeated. It was this very spirit that helped me get by.

When the race ended, I noticed the runners all had one thing in common: There were big smiles on their faces. They made it look so rewarding and effortless. I wanted in,

Therefore, I enrolled in another race two months later. Considering I could barely run a mile, it was ambitious. But my friend and I made a training plan so I wouldn’t come in last. I followed it religiously and didn’t let anything got in my way.

Running up and down the city’s hills, I was flooded with memories. I had lived there after college and my mother had visited often. I passed Bloomingdale’s, recalling the time she and I had gotten into a screaming argument there.

I was about to beat myself up when I remembered what Mom had said after her diagnosis (诊断) of cancer. “I don’t want you to feel guilty about anything.” Her paper-thin hands had held me tightly. A wright lifted from my shoulders.

When the race day arrived, I gave it my all for my mom and for all she had taught me and continued to teach me. As I ran, whenever I felt like slowing down, I pictured her cheering me on.

Crossing the finish line, I was filled with her love and a sense of peace.

9 . Eugenie George was a financial writer and educator from Philadelphia. When she first heard that her friend Jean passed a financial counseling exam, her heart _______ . She’d failed the same test weeks earlier, and she _______ the certificate to advance her career.

But then, instead of being _______ , she called Jean. “I told her I failed and _______ I was envious,” she said. George hoped that being honest would reduce her _______ and she was surprised that when she shifted her _______ she could share her friend’s happiness and experience her own, in turn. “I congratulated her and told her she _______ me,” she said. Jean was impressed by George’s honesty and _______ that George would share her joy. Jean expressed her gratitude and shared with George her _______ in preparing for the exam and offered some practical methods. “You can ________ me whenever in need. And I am ________ sure that you can do it next time,” Jean told George. Although the two were in different states talking on the phone, they felt they had never been so ________

Finding pleasure in another person’s good ________ will make the relationship more close and enjoyable. ________ someone else’s joy can also develop resilience(适应力), improve life ________ and help people cooperate during a conflict.