I was lacking in everything needed to start a new friendship.

My parents moved to the town when they decided to look for new jobs but they didn’t realize I was really hurt when I said goodbye to my old friends. It felt awful to be a new student in the school and when my classmates were chatting, what I could do was to be caught up in my thoughts watching the clouds outside the window. I was not good at math or history; nor was I good at drawing or dancing. I was shy and timid (胆小的). I had a few friends back at my hometown and it seemed that they were the only ones who I could be friends with for my whole life. I felt I had achieved a point of saturation (饱和) with regard to having friends and I could make no further addition to my friends list. I was ashamed of myself, so I believed I deserved (应受) no notice from others until Emily came to my world.

Emily was fearless, outspoken and easy to go. She was everything I was not and I was too shy to come out of my shell. I met Emily in school almost every day and ye I never talked to her. We were in the same class but we were like poles apart. How I wished I could be like her or at least be a friend of hers!

It was another ordinary day. I was on the school bus back home, when I got up to get down the bus, my schoolbag was stuck in the armrest (扶手). I didn’t notice it and stood up with all my strength. Unfortunately, my schoolbag was torn apart and all the contents fell on the ground. I knelt down to pick them up. Suddenly, I saw a hand passing me some of the books.

I looked up and found it was Emily who was helping me.

3 . Resolving (解决) Conflict in Friendships

Conflict is surely a common problem in life and friendships.     1     That’s because there isn’t enough depth to guarantee all the trouble it takes to smooth over the disagreement. Unfortunately, even when the friendship reaches a deeper level, conflict continues to happen and can break apart a relationship. Here are some resolutions.

Resolve it the day it happens. One rule my parents follow in their marriage is that they don’t go to bed angry with each other. They always attempt to resolve things the day it happens so that in the morning, it’s a fresh start with no past grudge (怨恨). I’ve found I need a short cool down period so that I don’t act in anger. For some, counting to one hundred before saying anything may be an option.     2    

    3     Sometimes if you sit down and talk things over, you begin to see where the other person is coming from. Realize that everyone has been created differently with various talents, abilities, and personality traits. For example, you might be a leader while your friend is more of a follower. You may be frustrated with him or her for not being very decisive. Yet it is important to understand that each person is unique and needs to be appreciated.

Initiate resolution.     4     Even when you think the other person is wrong, it’s not a bad thing to say “I’m sorry if I offended you in that way.” If you’re honest and genuine in delivering your words, there’s a good chance your friend will respond positively.

Most importantly, be loving in what you do. Try to focus on peacefully resolving the disagreement. It is not a most pleasant task to resolve conflict in any friendship.     5    

4 . You’ll make new friends in each stage of your life. Some of them will come and go, while others will last for the rest of your life.     1    .

    2    . According to experts, many people regret not keeping friendships going and end up living a life with no close friends or even enduring mental and physical sufferings. So making time for your friendships is vital to a healthy life. People who have healthy friendships tend to enjoy life more and may even live longer.

If you are lacking in good friendships, it’s not too late. There are a lot of ways to make new friends that can stay with you for the rest of your life.     3    . If you have kids, join a mom’s group, or sign your child up for classes where you’ll naturally meet other parents. It is also a wise choice to make friends with people you work with.     4    .

Sometimes it’s a good idea to let a friendship go, even if you’ve been friends for a long time. If one party isn’t making an effort to keep things going, it can lead to feelings of hurt and betrayal.     5    . While this can be sad, it can actually improve your quality of life. Besides, it can encourage you to focus on the partnerships that are healthy and where both of you are committed to keeping it going for your entire life.

8 . When Charles Barkley’s mother passed away, Barkley’s hometown came to the funeral. But a(n) ______ guest also came. He wasn’t a basketball player or from Barkley’s hometown. More ______, he was my dad—a scientist.

My dad said he ______ about Barkley long before he met him. Whenever we held dinner parties, he would talk about Barkley. Basketball has never been my thing. I ______ some key words into a search engine to ______ something about Barkley. He seemed pretty famous and ______ not like anyone who would be friends with my dad.

But the friendship was real.

My dad ______ made a slide of photos of him and Barkley together for our community’s Chinese New Year party. These photos were totally irrelevant to the ______. I asked him what made them become friends.

“As an Asian in the U.S., we had a good ______,” he said. “We agree on many views.” They believed the color of their skin didn’t ______.

Then on a Sunday afternoon my dad passed away. Everyone was astonished as Barkley attended the funeral. “It gives me great memories and ______ to know I was a friend of his,” Barkley said. “Just hearing about him at the ______ — what he accomplished and what he was trying to help others ______, touches me. I wish he would be known to many people.”

At the funeral, people ______ memories of my dad. I realized that even after he passed away, I would continue to ______ things about him.

The story of his friendship with Barkley was not just a relationship with a famous person—it threw light on the possibilities of this world.

9 . America is a mobile society. Friendships between Americans can be close and real , yet disappear soon if situations change. Neither side feels hurt by this. Both may exchange Christmas greetings for a year or two, perhaps a few letters for a while then no more. If the same two people meet again by chance, even years later, they pick up the friendship. This can be quite difficult for us Chinese to understand, because friendships between us flower more slowly but then may become lifelong feelings, extending(延伸)sometimes deeply into both families.

Americans are ready to receive us foreigners at their homes, and share their holidays and their home life. They will enjoy welcoming us and be pleased if we accept their hospitality(好客)easily.

Another difficult point for us Chinese to understand Americans is that although they include us warmly in their personal everyday life, they don’t show their politeness to us if it requires a great deal of time. This is usually the opposite of the practice in our country where we may be generous with our time. Sometimes, we, as hosts, will appear at airports even in the middle of the night to meet a friend. We may take days off to act as guides for our foreign friends. The Americans, however, express their welcome usually at home, but truly can not manage a great deal of time to do with a visitor outside their daily routine. They will probably expect us to get ourselves from the airport to our own hotel by bus. And they expect that we will phone them from there. Once we arrive at their homes, the welcome will be full, warm and real. We will find ourselves treated hospitably.

For the Americans, it is often considered friendlier to invite a friend to their homes than to go to restaurants, except for purely business matters. So accept their hospitality at home!

10 . How to make friends at a new school

Starting with a new school can be difficult. Everything seems to be different，and you don’t even know where to go for your own classes.    1     However，if you use these skills，you can quickly make new friends.

    2     If some people don’t accept you，they’re not the kind of friends you need. People often stay together because they have similar interests.

    3    

Remember to be nice and friendly to the people you meet at your new school. Also，remember to be as helpful as possible!

A smile goes a long way. When you walk in the halls, don’t keep your eyes on the floor. Raise your head and make eye contact (目光接触) with other people.    4     Introduce yourself. Tell them your name and where you’re from.

    5    

You like it when people use your name，and so do other people. People may become angry if you just begin by saying “Hey” each time. Besides，ask them in a kind way if they have a nickname (昵称). You’d be surprised how often this might come in handy.