2 . All of us have taken an instant dislike to someone, and then felt guilty about being too judgmental. But now it seems we should place more trust in our first impressions. Most people can correctly judge a total stranger following a short meeting, according to scientists.

And in general, the more confident the people are, the more likely they are to be correct in their assumptions. Jeremy Biesanz, who led a team of researchers from the University of British Columbia, said: “Many important decisions are made after very brief encounters — which employee to hire, which person to date, which student to accept”. Although our first impressions are generally accurate, it is necessary for us to recognize where they may be not good enough.

The researchers arranged for two groups of more than 100 people to meet in a meeting. Much like speed-dating, the volunteers spoke to everyone in their group for three minutes each. At the end of each three-minute chat, they were asked to rate each other’s personalities, and how well they thought their impressions “would coincide with someone who knows this person very well”.

To find out what the person was “really” like, the scientists had his friends and family fill out his personality reports. Generally speaking, the more confident the volunteers felt in accurately rating another’s personality, the closer their ratings were to those of the other person’s friends and family, the researchers said.

However, the participants with the highest accuracy were those who rated themselves moderately(适度)accurate — those highly confident of their judgment were less successful. The scientists concluded that, although we know people are different from each other, a good judge of character knows that in many ways people are mostly alike. For example, almost everyone would prefer being kind to being unfriendly.

Therefore, while first impressions can be generally accurate, they are not conclusive in working out whether somebody really is “better” than someone else.

3 . Picking up after your dog is interesting, but it must be done. Most dog owners understand the importance of picking up their dogs’ waste, so it can be especially frustrating to see dog owners that obviously refuse to perform this duty.     1    , but by asking them the right way, informing them of the risks and consequences of not picking up after their dogs, and providing them with the right collection tools, you may be able to get them to change their ways.

Ask them directly. Talking to another dog owner about picking up their dogs’ waste can be uncomfortable. However, asking the owner directly to pick up after their dog will often work to fix the problem.     2    . Maybe they think no one notices or that their actions don’t directly affect those around them. Asking the person directly lets them know you, and others, have noticed their actions and are being affected negatively by them.

Use a friendly tone. Although you are probably fed up and mad at a dog owner that isn’t cleaning up after their dog, approach them in a friendly manner. Yelling at them may make them defensive and angry.     3    .

Give them a reason. It’s possible this person doesn’t realize how their neglect in picking up after their dog is negatively affecting those around them.     4    , give them a reason why you want them to do so.

    5    . When facing someone on this issue, don’t exaggerate (夸大) the truth or make up reasons they should comply with your request. Be honest with them about why you want them to pick up after their dog and what could happen if they don’t.

4 . Your manager stops you and says she needs to have a word about your performance in the recent project. She begins by praising you for the good work you’ve done on the project, and you wonder if this is the praise that starts off the typical “feedback sandwich”.     1     Say something nice, say what you really want to say, say something nice again.

However, when feedback becomes such a routine, employees can start to perceive positive feedback as simply a form of sugarcoating the negatives, thus decreasing its value. Instead, positive feedback should not simply be seen as something to cushion the negative.     2     Below are three tips to help you make positive feedback count.

    3     When positive and negative feedback always appear to go hand in hand, the positives can become devalued and ignored. Ensure there are times when positive feedback is given for its own sake and resist the temptation to offer constructive criticism.

Cultivate a “growth mindset”. Many of us tend to focus our praise on the end result and seeming inborn talents. For example,     4     However, research suggests that by focusing on the process of box things are done, we can encourage the development of new skills and the continued enhancement of talents.

Create a culture of offering positive feedback. Make giving positive feedback part of your team culture. Don’t just wait for special moments to give feedback. Offer informal positive feedback when making small talk.     5     Encourage peer feedback among team members and colleagues and actively ask them for positive comments on each other’s performances on tasks.

5 . Only about 20% of U.S.adults say they have a best friend at work.Should the other 80% start looking for one?Yes and no.    1     ,says psychologist Catherine Heaney. That support can come from a coworker who has become a close friend,but it doesn’t have to;interactions with managers and friendly acquaintances can also boost your well-being, Heaney notes.

    2    : having friends in the workplace can improve wellness.It’s linked to a lower risk of burnout,better mental health,and maybe even a longer lifespan.Meanwhile,research is equally clear that loneliness is bad for your health.    3     , given its links to various health problems.

But if becoming best friends with your coworkers feels too daunting (使人气馁的),or just not your style,you can still benefit from social support.When most people hear “social support”,they think of emotional support,like venting (发泄) to a coworker over coffee, Heaney says.    4     :when someone steps in to help you on a busy day,for instance,or shares advice.Even relatively minor interactions,like a manager allowing you to leave early to pick up your sick child,can buffer (缓解) the negative effects of stress, Heaney explains.    5    —although it is great if you do—but rather to promote “a sense of being in the right place” by becoming part of a community.

6 . Initial conversations can have a huge impact on how relationships develop over time. People are often stuck in the impressions they think they might have made the minute they finish speaking with someone for the first time: “Did they like me or were they just being polite?” “Were they deep in thought or deeply bored?”

To find out whether these worries are necessary, we have conducted nearly 10 years of research. In our studies, participants in the UK talked with someone they had never met before. Afterward, they were asked how much they liked their conversation partner and how much they believed that their conversation partner liked them. This allowed us to compare how much people believed they were liked to how much they were actually liked.

Time and time again, we found that people left their conversations with negative feelings about the impression they made. That is, people systematically underestimate how much their conversation partners like them and enjoy their company — a false belief we call the “liking gap”.

This bias (偏见) may seem like something that would occur only in initial interactions, but its effects extend far beyond a first impression. Surprisingly, the liking gap can constantly affect a variety of relationships, including interactions with coworkers, long after the initial conversations have taken place. Having a larger liking gap is associated with being less willing to ask workmates for help, less willing to provide workmates with open and honest feedback, and less willing to work on another project together.

There are numerous strategies to minimize your biased feelings. One place to start is shifting your focus of attention. Try to direct your attention to your conversation partner, be genuinely curious about them, ask them more questions, and really listen to their answers. The more you’re zeroed in on the other person, and the less you’re focused on yourself, the better your conversation will be and the less your mind will turn to all the things you think you didn’t do well.

10 . If you identify as a people-pleaser, you might feel like it’s impossible to change. Well-meaning friends can try to encourage you to just be yourself, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t shake that urge to keep everyone happy.     1    

    2     To be able to tell the difference, you should look at the amount of tension you feel. For example, when you see a friend finish his water and you refill his cup, that can come out of normal sensitivity to other people’s needs if you feel relaxed when you do it. But if you notice a sense of pressure, like something bad will happen if you don’t refill their drink, then you’re operating from anxiety and fear.

Lots of times, people who try to please other people are extremely quick to react in social settings. They know what to say right away and they move into care taking immediately.     4     One subtle but powerful technique to change your habit is to deliberately delay your reactions, connect with yourself and then try to have the interaction out of an authentic part of yourself.

As you slowly start to become aware of your needs and even state them out loud, it can bring in some essential changes in your relationships. You might realize that as you mature, some friendships are not as rewarding or even as equal as you would like them to be.     5     If you have an emotionally immature friend, it’s up to you to decide if you want to leave the friendship or use that relationship as an opportunity for mutual growth, if the other person also seems interested in changing.