Best wishes,

Li Hua

5 . If you feel that making friends as a kid is easy, you’re right. “They have a break between lessons and gym classes. They can let their guard down,” says Marisa G. Franco, a sought-after friendship & belonging expert. However, it’s not the case for adults. Even though they see their colleagues every day, they still find it never easy to be friends with them.

In the US, for example, a 2021 survey by the American Enterprise Institute, found that the number of adults who said they had no close friends had increased four times since 1990, going from 3 percent to 12 percent. “We’ve never been more disconnected,” says psychologist and author Jody Carrington. Although adults spend time together from 9: 00 am to 6: 00 pm and even late into the night, the fast paced work pattern dictates that communication is limited to the content of the work, and after work, they immediately go back to homes, leaving no extra energy to have unplanned interactions to develop further friendship.

Research by Brigham Young University psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad has shown that loneliness is a major threat to longevity (长寿), same as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. People who are lonely or socially cut off have a higher risk of having diseases like depression, dementia and cardiac death. On the another side, healthy friendships can help us a lot, doing better with stress and living happier and longer. Plus, happiness is contagious. Harvard researchers found that when an individual becomes happy, his or her friends who live in a 1.6-kilometre radius have a 25 percent higher chance of getting a boost in happiness, too.

Hence, making and deepening friendships matters more than we imagine. You might think making friends is an inherent skill that doesn’t need to be taught. It’s not the case. We can all get better at connection if we try. Some experts offer some tricks to make finding connection a little easier.

7 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5    

8 . Having good working relationships with your coworkers is important. Unfortunately, some coworkers can be rude, or unprofessional. It’s easy to get stressed and struggle with productivity when you’re suffering a bad work relationship.     1    

One easiest way to avoid trouble is simply to avoid them when you can. Stay away from difficult coworkers if you don’t have to work with them directly. Limit your interactions.     2     When you do need to speak with them, keep the discussion brief but pleasant.

    3     Depending on the situation, it’s healthiest to let go of your anger when a colleague acts out. Their bad behavior isn’t your fault. As long as it doesn’t interfere with your work, it’s not your problem. Instead of taking their behavior personally, ignore it and move on.

Fight a coworker’s negativity with your own optimistic perspective. Does your coworker seem to complain constantly?     4     Your coworker will get the information if you wisely change the topic or offer an opposite positive point of view. Without someone to fuel their negativity, they’ll get bored and move on.

Understanding and empathizing with them makes it easier to get along. As you learn about your coworker, you’ll also gain insight into why they behave the way they do.     5     Your relationship may improve when you can empathize with their situation.

9 . Going Solo to a wedding? Make Yourself Welcome.

Taylor was nervous when walking into the wedding of her friend Gabrielle. She’s not alone. Attending a wedding by yourself can bring anxiety, especially for people who are single and feeling lonely.     1     .Communicating with other people often makes us happier than we think it will. So, what do you do when you don’t know anybody at a wedding? Here are some suggestions.

Dress to Impress

Wearing something that will make you feel comfortable and confident is key.     2     .She said that it felt nice walking into that wedding knowing she felt really good within herself.

A Smooth Arrival

The first thing to do when you enter an event space is find the bathroom. Take a look in the mirror and get situated. Then, go to the bar and grab a glass of water or a drink.     3     After that, find a place to sit down. If there are no assigned seats, find an empty chair and ask the people who are there: “Are you expecting somebody? Do you mind if I sit here?” And if there are seating arrangements, it’s likely that the wedding couple seated you with people they felt you would get along with.

Conversation

    4    . By introducing yourself straightaway, you can at least speak to the person next to you. Wedding-related topics, including how you know the couple, are natural conversation starters.

After dinner and some chitchat, there’s no harm in leaving if you don’t feel like you want to stay any longer on your own.     5     .

10 . We all remember our first days of high-school, college, our first job. We all remember the feelings of butterflies in our stomachs when we took our ________ steps into those positions, the feeling that we were unqualified for what we were doing, that we didn’t ________.

What if my coworkers don’t like me? What if I mess everything up? These are the ________ that run through your mind during those first few days as you tiptoe your way around the workplace, being ________ that you don’t do anything that will get you noticed, with the ________ that when they notice you, you will mess up. But eventually you do get noticed, and you don’t mess up, and soon you develop a ________.

It has only been a week and you have already fallen into a rhythm. You walk into your workplace and ________ to the receptionist who now knows you by name, you get you morning coffee and ________ a conversation with a coworker who you’ve quickly developed a friendship with. Whereas before you looked around ________ for the sugar and cream, now the location is familiar and you ________ it immediately. You walk to your desk, take a sip of coffee, and look over your daily ________ that has become all too familiar to you.

You notice a new task that you haven’t encountered before, but you no longer feel ________ and fear of messing it up. You have ________ a week in this place without messing up, people have ________ you on how good of a job you’ve done, and you belong here. A ________ creeps over your face as you look forward to undertaking this new unproven challenge. The day begins and you fall into your rhythm.