1 . Many people changed residences and are eager to get familiar with their new neighbors. Here’s a quick refresher on making the most of neighborhood relationships.

Begin at the beginning. Building good neighborly relationships starts when you or someone else moves into the area. If a new neighbor moves in, be proactive (主动的) and welcome them to the neighborhood.     1    . Consider taking a plate of cookies or a small housewarming gift. Share your contact information and offer to answer any questions they may have about the community, including your favorite restaurants or the best local service providers.

    2    . Don’t create things that are unpleasant to look at or allow your property’s condition to affect the value of neighboring homes adversely (不利地). Being kind to those around you includes keeping your yard tidy, removing snow from your sidewalks, and collecting trash and recycling bins after the truck has passed.

Be inclusive. If you are hosting a large party, consider extending invitations to your neighbors. During the holiday season, remember the people next door with a card, a homemade goodie, or an offer of assistance. Give without expectations.     3    .

Allow people to be human.     4    , and it’s impossible to know what others are going through. Don’t be too quick to assume a sligh (轻蔑) is personal or intended.

Accept it. If you have tried your best to resolve a conflict without success, let it go. Sadly, some people won’t like you whatever you do. And you aren’t going to enjoy some people.     5    . Be pleasant anyway, and be thankful that you get to live your life and they get to live theirs.

2 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5    

3 . Go on a 15-minute Tour

Didn’t someone say that life is about the journey, not the destination?     1     when you are focused only on getting to the next meeting, starting your next class period, or hurrying to send an email, you’re missing all of the people between Points A and B.

To commit some time to the journey, take some time to walk around where you work and notice your surroundings.     2     Also, some of the smaller yet critical social clues that exist right under your nose will be concentrated on again.

    3     Things to look for include the look and feel of people’s work spaces, the timing of when different people move around the office, and which people seek interaction versus those who stay at their desks all day.

After your first observation tour, select a different day to tour your workspace for moods. Other people’s moods can provide you with critical clues about how things are going.     4     Focus on what you see, hear, and pick up on in other people.

Schedule 15 minutes to tour your workplace twice a week for a month and be sure to avoid making too many assumptions or conclusions — just simply observe.     5    

4 . A workable and pretty easy solution to improving your listening skills is that you begin to realize how much of your ability to be an effective listener is really about you, not the other person and how fascinating or boring they are.     1    

We tend to assume that listening is little more than showing up and paying attention to the other person.     2     It’s worth noticing how we instinctively (本能地) listen in conversation and whether or not that given listening mode is really what’s called for.

You need to identify your personal “hot spots”.     3     Whether it’s talking about climate change or Father’s Day, when you are not interested at all, you realize it is hard to concentrate. That kind of self-knowledge comes by having a scientific approach and observing yourself in action.

    4     For example, your surrounding environment, the topic at hand, or even particular company may affect your ability to listen. When you do this, you can more easily see what gets in the way of your ability to listen and understand. Thus that makes many of our work-related conversations much easier.

In a performance review or heated debate, you can remind yourself if you’re having an emotional response to feedback and are having trouble hearing the other person out. Observing and learning from your behavior, and noticing how you are affected by your surroundings help you uncover your unique needs for doing your best listening.     5    

5 . Your neighbors are probably the first line of defense in case of any problematic situation.     1     It gives you an assurance that you have people close by looking out for you. Here are easily applicable tips on creating stronger neighbor relationships.

The first step is introducing yourself when you move to a new neighborhood or when a newcomer moves in. Leave them a note under their door to introduce yourself.     2     It doesn’t have to cost you a fortune and opting for a potted plant or baked biscuits will do. These actions present excellent opportunities to connect with them.

Be respectful of your neighbors. It’s in poor taste to have regular insensitive parties at your place causing disturbances. Before your party, it’s good practice to notify your neighbors. Besides, avoid chatting them up for hours on end, which may be inconvenient, especially if you don’t know their schedules.     3     When you borrow anything, return it in due time. If you accidentally break their things, replace them without being asked to.

    4     You could offer to babysit your neighbors’ kids, help with snow removals or even keep an eye on their home when they’re away. Such acts of reaching out to your neighbors make for stronger relationships.

As Emma Seppälä put it, “social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop (圈) of social, emotional and physical well-being.” It feels so easy to just stay home without having to engage with your neighbors but connecting with them is worth the effort.     5    

7 . How to Handle an Argument with Your Family Members

We’ve all been there. A relaxed evening with our family members. A lot of laughing. And then, as if someone had sat on the TV remote and changed the channel, the mood shifts. No more warmth. Suddenly there’s shouting, a ping-pong of accusations(指责), deadly stares, and hostility(敌意) streaming from eyes like red laser pointers. Having a conflict with your family members is frustrating, and you may feel sad and depressed.     1    

Do remember that as much as it might feel this way, you’re not in a court of law with your family members.     2     .It is to restore kindness and connection. Think of it this way —if somebody wins, both parties lose.

Do try to be an advocate of others’ feelings.     3     try to stand in the shoes of your family members. Try to understand their immature ways.

    4     .This might frighten your family members, making them feel accused and in turn, act defensively. Example: “I was on the phone with my sister and then suddenly you started acting like crazy out of the blue.” Talk about the way you felt instead. Example: “I was on the phone with my sister and then I suddenly felt scared when I saw you looking at me like I was in trouble.”

Don’t try to explain yourself. You often want to explain yourself when having conflicts with your family members, but you don’t have time. You’re being cut off and attacked again.     5     .The more you talk, the less your family members seem to understand and the further away you get from an agreement.

8 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

9 . Being vulnerable (脆弱的) is not a choice. It’s a _________ in our life. What we do with vulnerability can either open doors to deeper connections, or build walls that _________ progress and fulfillment.

Vulnerability _________ the state of being exposed to the possibility of being harmed, either physically or emotionally. It’s part of human _________ because we are vulnerable in some way at all times. We are vulnerable to viruses, accidents, misunderstandings and _________ caused by whatever reasons. The only choice we really have is whether to _________ it or not.

When some people _________ that they have no vulnerability, they are hard to develop meaningful social connections with others. They are just _________. No one likes to spend much time with people who are dishonest or _________ to open up their feelings. Most of the time, a great friendship starts by __________ each other’s vulnerability.

Indeed, it’s not easy for us to admit our vulnerability in front of others. In order to protect ourselves, we tend to struggle with __________. But in fact, when we are vulnerable with people, we have signaled that they can also __________ share their anxieties. And we don’t have to worry too much about the results because a far more common reaction of people is to respect our __________ instead of laughing at us. Under this shared circumstance, we become less __________ by vulnerability and also we __________ a relationship.

10 . Have you ever struggled to understand how someone else feels? Building up your empathy (同理心) skills helps you connect with your friends.     1    

What is empathy?

Empathy is a kind of capability that lets you step into someone else’s shoes and then figure out how they are feeling. For instance, if you can see your friend is upset after losing a football match and you support them by telling them some warm and motivating words, you are showing empathy. Miranda McKeamey set up an organization called EmpathyLab that builds empathy through reading.     2     “Empathy is a force for change,” she says.

    3    

Scientists say empathy isn’t something you are born with, it’s a skill you can acquire through learning. One way you can do this is by active listening. When someone is talking to you, listen closely and respond in a way that shows you understand their situations and emotions thoroughly. Reading, advocated by EmpathyLab, is also a great way to boost empathy, since stories can take you inside someone else’s mind and show you the world through their eves and emotions.

Put empathy into action.

    4     This could mean trying out something that is important to a friend or family member, like exploring their favorite place. EmpathyLab advocated ideas for putting empathy into action in schools or at home. That might be connecting with someone new in your class and having a friendly conversation, or making small changes to your behaviour. All small acts of kindness to others can make a difference, which in turn will be copied by someone else.     5