1 . I heard a story recently about a friend’s former boss. When employees would go into this person’s office to discuss something like a pay rise or promotion, the boss had a habit of greeting their request with silence. Quiet, tense seconds went slowly by, and they’d often leave, willing to take a pay cut or demotion (降职) — anything to end the terrible silence.

Embarrassing silences can be unbearable. In 2017, a study found that silence in a talk starts to be unbearable after about four seconds. There’s so much uncertainty in the air as those silent seconds went slowly by. Did I say something wrong? Does this person hate me? Am I going to get fired? But it’s worth remembering that if you don’t know what to say or do, there is always the choice to do nothing. Uncomfortable silences aren’t necessarily a bad thing, depending on how you use them.

For example, Katie Donovan is a supporter of the awkward-silence negotiating (谈判) technique. As she said, “The first step is to be silent or shut up!” If, for example, you are offered a starting salary of $40,000 when you know that the median salary for this position is $48,000, you can say something like this, “Thank you for the offer. I’m a little surprised about the salary, though. Based on my research I would have expected it to be in the $50,000 range.”

It’s a good start; there is no phrase more quietly deadly in the business world than “I’m a little surprised”. But it only works if you say this — and then say nothing. During this pause, Donovan explains, the hiring manager is likely to try to work out how serious you are and how much more to offer. “Remember,” Donovan writes, “the hiring manager most likely will increase the salary during the meeting.”

2 . Most people enjoy variety. We like to eat different foods from meal to meal. We wear different clothes. We like to try new activities and visit new places. We become bored when there is little variety. Nevertheless, there’s one place where we tend to dislike variety, and that’s in each other. We often feel uncomfortable with people who practise different habits, or hold beliefs or values that we do not share.

There are reasons for this. When we are exposed to new and different things, our brain works a bit harder than usual. When we’re learning, our nerve cells require more resources, such as water, salt, and various other chemicals. This extra metabolic (新陈代谢的) activity can feel unsettling and unpleasant. And it can feel worse if our nervous system is already under pressure, like in the midst of the pandemic.

This sort of variation may be uncomfortable for individuals, but it’s critical to the survival of any species. If all finches (雀科鸣鸟) were identical, for example, and their environment changed in some significant, harmful ways, like an increase in the temperature or a decrease in water, all of them would be equally affected and the species might become extinct. This insight into variation comes from Charles Darwin, and it’s known as population thinking. Most people associate Darwin with his evolutionary theory of natural selection, but population thinking may be an even greater scientific achievement. The idea of “survival of the fittest” implies that individuals must vary. Some are more suited than others for a given environment, making it easier for them to survive, grow, and reproduce. Variation is therefore a prerequisite for natural selection to work.

Dealing with the vast variety of humankind can be demanding and even annoying at times, but it’s a good investment, sort of like exercise for your brain. When you meet someone who looks different or thinks differently from you, treat your discomfort as a cue to be curious and learn instead of a signal of a problem. Don’t hold the view that the other person should be silenced. Ultimately, this mindset can make you more flexible in adapting to challenging situations, and more adaptable to change.

5 . While everyone’s image of their dream home looks a little different, most people will agree that their ideal neighbourhood is filled with friendly faces. Getting to know your neighbours takes time and effort.     1    

Nick Tebbey, national executive officer of Relationships Australia, says spring is the perfect season to start getting to know your neighbours. “When the weather starts warming up we’re all spending more time outdoors.” It makes sense that the best way to get to know a neighbour is to first make sure they actually know you’re neighbours.     2    “ There are always opportunities to make a connection and they can be as small as a nod,a wave or a friendly good day,” says Tebbey.

To put yourself in the way of these opportunities, Tebbey suggests timing your outings to take place“when other people are out and about as well”. When it comes to actually introducing yourself to your neighbours, Tebbey notes it’s important to do what feels comfortable, whether that’s leaving a note on a building notice board or chatting to someone while you wait for the elevator.    3    

Once you’ve introduced yourself to a neighbor, you can start conversations.     4    “ If they’re gardening, ask what they’re planting–be interested in what people share.”Tebbey says. And once someone tells you their dog’s name or where they’re about to go on holiday, try your best to keep that in mind so you can continue the conversation next time you cross paths.

“It’s not about grand gestures or sharing everything about yourself with your neighbours.     5    ” Tebbey says.“ It’s small but meaningful interactions and taking interest in each other’s lives,but without any sense of expectation.”

6 . What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? The clearest message that we got from a 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.     1    

The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to others are happier.     2     On the contrary, the experience of loneliness turns out to be harmful. There are some people who are more lonely than they want to be. They find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage. So the second big lesson that we learned is that it’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship, but it’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.     3     High-conflict marriages, for example, without much love, turn out to be very bad for our health.

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships is that good relationships don’t just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship is protective. Many people are in relationships where they can get help from the other persons in times of need.     4    

So, good and close relationships are good for our health and well-being.     5     This is wisdom that’s as old as the hills. Now, ask yourself a question: If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy?

7 . Peer pressure occurs when a peer group has direct or indirect pressure to do certain actions. The term “peer” often refers to people one knows in real life and that have a similar social status to oneself. However, the larger culture can also bring about peer pressure.     1    .

Many people consider peer pressure a negative thing.     2    . People, especially teens and young adults, may be more likely to do prosocial behaviors when they see people their own age doing the same things. Evidence shows that teens with friends who volunteer are more likely to volunteer themselves.

Research suggests peer pressure sometimes begins in elementary school.     3    . Some may be isolated by members of the larger group. Children may begin to worry about balancing a sense of loyalty to their friends with fairness to others.

Research has long shown that peer pressure can increase the risk of someone trying drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes.     4    . While some may experiment with alcohol or drugs once or twice and decide it’s not for them, others who begin using a substance may find it difficult to quit.

    5    . Some children find it becomes more difficult to go against the group over time. But it’s important to realize that not only do younger children face peer pressure, they are also able to stand up to it.

8 . How to Improve Your Communication Skills

If you feel like you lack the basic skills required for good communication, there are a number of reliable ways to improve. Here are a few tips:

    1    Effective communicators are always good listeners. Active listening means engaging with what people say by giving positive replies and asking follow-up questions to show that you are paying attention.

Focus on nonverbal communication. Mastering nonverbal signals can help prevent miscommunication and signal interest to those around you.    2    Your nonverbal signals affect the first impression you make on someone. Maintaining eye contact, limiting hand gestures, and having good posture go a long way when meeting someone for the first time.

Manage your own emotions. For clear communication and your own personal well-being, it’s important to manage your emotions and express them appropriately in context.    3    

Practice public speaking.    4    However, there’s no better way to develop good communication skills than by seeking out public speaking opportunities. Great communicators are able to clearly express their feelings, whether they’re speaking to a large group or talking face-to-face to one other person. Regularly speaking in front of a group will help you find your strengths and weaknesses and force you to develop great communication habits.

Ask for feedback. There’s no shame in asking for honest feedback on your communication skills from people around you.    5    

9 . If you just want to come up with a fun idea that will generate enthusiasm for your community group, we have five worthy suggestions.

●    1    

Getting all your neighbors together for an afternoon or an evening on weekends can help you develop more than a nodding acquaintance with them. This is a bit simple, but things like picking a location, sending out invitations and arranging for food follow pretty organically once you start setting up strategy.

●Hold a hobby show

    2    , from face painting to woodcarving, and most are willing to share their works. From conducting a cooking contest in the public kitchen to putting on a dance show, there are hundreds of ways that you can make your neighbors show their hobbies.

●Host a nature walk

Hosting a nature walk around a neighborhood park is a good way to educate the community about green practices and conservation.    3    . In this activity neighbors actively join in the identification of the trees, birds, insects, and other wildlife you share space with.

●Hold a pumpkin painting contest

In fall, pumpkin carving is a big contest. This year, instead of slicing those orange globes into scary shapes, hold a kid-focused pumpkin decorating day.    4    . For the grownups, prepare a couple of face painting booths and let a professional to help.

●Have a treasure hunt

A treasure hunt gets people thinking creatively and actively engaged in the hunt. We really love this idea because it can be an indoor or outdoor activity, so it’s a year-round option. All you need is some gifts, a hiding place and mysterious clues. You just place a flag where the treasure should be.    5    .