2 . How to Handle an Argument with Your Family Members

We’ve all been there. A relaxed evening with our family members. A lot of laughing. And then, as if someone had sat on the TV remote and changed the channel, the mood shifts. No more warmth. Suddenly there’s shouting, a ping-pong of accusations(指责), deadly stares, and hostility(敌意) streaming from eyes like red laser pointers. Having a conflict with your family members is frustrating, and you may feel sad and depressed.     1    

Do remember that as much as it might feel this way, you’re not in a court of law with your family members.     2     .It is to restore kindness and connection. Think of it this way —if somebody wins, both parties lose.

Do try to be an advocate of others’ feelings.     3     try to stand in the shoes of your family members. Try to understand their immature ways.

    4     .This might frighten your family members, making them feel accused and in turn, act defensively. Example: “I was on the phone with my sister and then suddenly you started acting like crazy out of the blue.” Talk about the way you felt instead. Example: “I was on the phone with my sister and then I suddenly felt scared when I saw you looking at me like I was in trouble.”

Don’t try to explain yourself. You often want to explain yourself when having conflicts with your family members, but you don’t have time. You’re being cut off and attacked again.     5     .The more you talk, the less your family members seem to understand and the further away you get from an agreement.

3 . Miscommunications can sometimes be funny, however, most of time you will feel frustrated or upset. Put some efforts into your conversations, and you can lower your risk of miscommunicating.

    1     Thinking about your words allows you to organize your thoughts and prepare to say something meaningful. Especially if you’re about to have an important conversation, make sure your words are organized so that you can say what you mean.

Get people’s attention. It means making sure they are listening to and understanding the words you say. Make eye contact and check to make sure they are listening. If the other person is distracted or in the middle of doing something else, say that you’ll talk later when he or she is more available.     2    

Listen closely.     3     Instead of trying to think about what they will say next, just stay engaged with the person who is speaking.     4     One of the best ways to do this is through actively listening. Turn your body toward them and lean in. Don’t turn to distractions, like cell phones.

Avoid interrupting. If someone else is speaking, do your best not to interrupt them.     5    This shows that you’re listening and you care about what they are saying. If you tend to interrupt people often, they may feel frustrated in talking to you and may not communicate all they wish to say.

4 . Meeting people is the first step to make friends.     1     Here are some useful tips.

Small talk can make people feel false and meaningless.     2     By making small talk, you show that you’re friendly and open to communicating. In that way, small talk helps you to make the first connection with potential (潜在的) new friends. If someone doesn’t make any small talk, we might think that they don’t want to make friends with us, that they don’t like us, or that they’re in a bad mood.

    3    

When you talk to someone new and realize that you have similar interests, the conversation usually goes from stiff (生硬的) to fun and interesting. Therefore, make it a habit to find out if you have any mutual interests or something in common. You can do this by mentioning things that interest you and seeing how they answer.

Don’t judge people too quickly. Try not to think that they are shallow (肤浅的), boring, or that you have nothing to talk about. If everyone seems uninterested, it might be because you have been in small talk.     4    

When you try to make people like you, it will become easier for you to make friends.     5     If we are with someone with a positive experience, we like that person more.

5 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

7 . Being vulnerable (脆弱的) is not a choice. It’s a _________ in our life. What we do with vulnerability can either open doors to deeper connections, or build walls that _________ progress and fulfillment.

Vulnerability _________ the state of being exposed to the possibility of being harmed, either physically or emotionally. It’s part of human _________ because we are vulnerable in some way at all times. We are vulnerable to viruses, accidents, misunderstandings and _________ caused by whatever reasons. The only choice we really have is whether to _________ it or not.

When some people _________ that they have no vulnerability, they are hard to develop meaningful social connections with others. They are just _________. No one likes to spend much time with people who are dishonest or _________ to open up their feelings. Most of the time, a great friendship starts by __________ each other’s vulnerability.

Indeed, it’s not easy for us to admit our vulnerability in front of others. In order to protect ourselves, we tend to struggle with __________. But in fact, when we are vulnerable with people, we have signaled that they can also __________ share their anxieties. And we don’t have to worry too much about the results because a far more common reaction of people is to respect our __________ instead of laughing at us. Under this shared circumstance, we become less __________ by vulnerability and also we __________ a relationship.

10 . Have you ever struggled to understand how someone else feels? Building up your empathy (同理心) skills helps you connect with your friends.     1    

What is empathy?

Empathy is a kind of capability that lets you step into someone else’s shoes and then figure out how they are feeling. For instance, if you can see your friend is upset after losing a football match and you support them by telling them some warm and motivating words, you are showing empathy. Miranda McKeamey set up an organization called EmpathyLab that builds empathy through reading.     2     “Empathy is a force for change,” she says.

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Scientists say empathy isn’t something you are born with, it’s a skill you can acquire through learning. One way you can do this is by active listening. When someone is talking to you, listen closely and respond in a way that shows you understand their situations and emotions thoroughly. Reading, advocated by EmpathyLab, is also a great way to boost empathy, since stories can take you inside someone else’s mind and show you the world through their eves and emotions.

Put empathy into action.

    4     This could mean trying out something that is important to a friend or family member, like exploring their favorite place. EmpathyLab advocated ideas for putting empathy into action in schools or at home. That might be connecting with someone new in your class and having a friendly conversation, or making small changes to your behaviour. All small acts of kindness to others can make a difference, which in turn will be copied by someone else.     5