4 . Individuals with social intelligence can sense how other people feel, know clearly what to say in social situations and appear confident even in a larger crowd. You might think of these folks as having “people skills”, but what they truly possess is social intelligence.

People who are socially intelligent display core traits (核心、特质) that help them communicate and connect with others.    1     A person who possesses social intelligence doesn’t listen merely to respond but truly pays attention to what another person is saying. The other folks in the conversation walk away feeling like they were understood and that they made a connection.     2     Someone with social intelligence understands that arguing or proving a point by making another person feel bad isn’t the right thing to do.     3     Instead, they tend to listen to him/her with an open mind — even when it’s not an idea that they personally agree with.

Some people may seem to develop social intelligence without really trying.     4     Luckily, certain strategies, such as practicing active listening and respecting cultural differences, can help a person build social skills. Studying social situations is also an effective way to develop social skills. Pay attention to what people are doing well and the mistakes you want to avoid. Afterward, think about what you want to do differently in the next social situation you are in.

    5     If it were, there wouldn’t ever be another awkward conversation at a party. However, working toward a strong social intelligence can lead to a richer life — or, at least, an easier time making a few new friends.

Is Small Talk Necessary?

What’s the first thing you do when you enter a crowded room? You probably look around for a familiar face. When you can’t find one, you have two choices: you can stand alone, or you can walk up and speak to someone that you don’t know.

Starting a conversation with a stranger, though, is often uncomfortable and can be a little scary. Yet as you go through life, you’re sure to encounter strangers in many different situations, when a need to connect with others will hopefully outweigh your fears. In order to prepare, it helps to learn the art of small talk.

Small talk is the beginning stage of a casual conversation, which usually takes place between strangers or casual acquaintances. With small talk, two or more people search for common interests and points of connection. If one is discovered, the conversation usually begins to flow more naturally, often resulting in deeper discussion.

Mastering a few techniques will allow you to enter a room full of strangers with confidence.

When you walk up to a group, notice anyone trying to make eye contact with you because this is often a sign that the person is interested in talking. Begin by introducing yourself, and then, you should begin with one of three topics: talk about yourself, the other person or something you can both observe, like the weather.

Another way to begin a conversation is with a compliment. Your praise of someone’s scarf might lead to a discussion about favorite places to shop.

Radio host Terry Gross, who has interviewed thousands of people over the years, says one opening request works for her every time: “Tell me about yourself.” This approach gets the ball rolling because people enjoy talking about themselves.

Though small talk takes practice, it’s worth the effort and it’s the stimulus that can lead to deeper conversations.

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7 . The ability to communicate information accurately, clearly and as intended, is a vital life skill and something that should not be overlooked.    1    Here are some suggestions to make it.

Be open. There needs to be a give-and-take when it comes to sharing information with one another. To deepen intimacy (亲近). people need to open up to you. but you also have to he willing to let others in and share details about your experiences, emotions, and opinions.    2    

Listen actively. It involves being engaged with what your conversation partner is talking about.    3     You' re reflecting an their words, and asking questions you may have. Listening shows that you care, It shows that you are interested in the other person's life.

Use appropriate body language and eye contact.     4     For example, using direct eye contact and body language that indicates openness, such as uncrossed arms, can help to get across that a person is ready and willing to listen and to speak openly.

    5     Being open doesn't mean you should give others unlimited access to your thoughts.feelings, or time. There should be some limits on when you spend time together or how often and how long you stay together. It can also involve how much you care about each other's values, goals.emotions, and limitations.

8 . How would you feel if you were sharing a personal story and noticed that your friend wasn't really listening? You probably wouldn’t be too excited. Without active listening, people often feel unheard and unacknowledged.     1    

Listen without making judgements. Most people tend to judge others during conversations.     2     If you let your opinions come into play, they may ruin the conversation. However, if you enter a discussion with the goal of understanding someone else's opinion, they will want to have deeper discussions with you.

    3     Physically showing that you’re listening doesn’t come naturally for everybody. But if someone is ready to open up to you, and you sit back with your arms crossed without saying a word, they’re not going to say much. To encourage someone to keep talking, focus on the speaker by turning your head and body to face them and by making eye contact.

Ask questions. Asking questions is one of the best ways to show you're interested. If someone is telling you about their ski trip, don’t respond with “That’s nice.”     4     Instead, you can ask, “How long have you been skiing?” or “What was your favorite part of the trip?” The person will think highly of you because you have asked a few questions.

Think before responding. After the speaker has finished talking, a good listener may take some time before responding. Simply take a few seconds to think or say, “Give me a second to think about that.” Doing so either makes the speaker first feel you’re listening to what they’re saying.     5     In this way, it will make the speaker feel comfortable as they see you processing what they've said.

9 . Is being different around different people like putting on a mask? When I am around different people I act differently. I switch my attitude around so it is similar to that of my friends.     1    

The honest truth is that every person has many different parts of his or her personality that make up the whole person. For example, there are times when I am excited and noisy. At other times I like to be more quiet and reserved. During neither of these times am I being dishonest; just another aspect of my personality is coming out. And sometimes I behave differently depending on the social situation that I am in. For example, I am a pretty casual guy, so I really do prefer wearing jeans and T-shirts whenever possible.     2    

This is not wearing a mask. It is just being respectful and appropriate to the situation. And there are even groups of people that bring out certain parts of my personality. For example, when I am hanging out with ray male friends, I can be loud and wild. But when I am at home with my wife and kids after a long day at work, I am much more reserved and quiet.     3    Rather, I am just being socially appropriate, and sensitive to the people that I am with or the situation that I am in. At other times I feel comfortable being loud around my family and reserved with my friends.     4    They wouldn’t be good friends if they didn't value all the different aspects of my personality.

By contrast, what if I were with a group of people who support abortion?     5    Just to avoid conflict. If you have a friend or friends who don’t like the silly part of you, then they may not be good friends.

Embrace the rule of awkward silence

The rule of awkward silence is simple: When faced with a challenging question, instead of answering, pause and think deeply about how you want to answer. This is no short pause; rather, it involves taking several seconds (10, 20 or longer) to think things through before     1    .

At Apple, Tim Cook has engaged in the     2     for years. Back in 2008, a Fortune article said that in meetings, Cook was “known for long,     3     pauses, when all you hear is the sound of his tearing the wrapper of the energy bars he constantly eats.”

Cook isn’t alone in embracing the rule of awkward silence. Steve Jobs once took almost 20 seconds to respond to a personal attack,     4     a perfect response.

The rule of awkward silence has always been valuable as a tool of emotional intelligence because it allows you to     5     thought and emotion instead of simply reacting based on feeling.

Why the rule of awkward silence is more valuable than ever.

We live in a world that     6     instant satisfaction. Emails should be answered on the same day. Text messages should be answered right now. But there’s a major problem with all of this immediate communication: It doesn’t leave time to think.

As in, think     7    .

Critical thinking calls for deep and careful consideration of a subject. It involves weighing and analyzing facts, and careful     8    . And it results in making insightful connections.

None of this is possible without time.

And time has become the biggest luxury on the planet.

But when you embrace the rule of awkward silence, you steal back time. Time that used to be wasted on     9     answers.

So, the next time someone asks you a challenging question, or even what seems on the surface to be a simple one, resist the     10     to respond with the first thing that comes to mind.

Instead, embrace the rule of awkward silence, and think before you speak.