1 . Will your happiness differ if you are doing a kind action without any expectation of rewards or with an expectation of rewards? A study by University of Sussex, headed by Dr. Daniel Campbell­Meikeljohn, tried to answer that question. He and his partners analyzed over 1, 000 brain scans from other studies related to reactions to making a decision based on kindness. They split the studies based on who was making a decision for altruistic (无私的) reasons and who was making a decision due to the expectation of an obvious reward. The results were interesting.

In both instances, the reward center of the brain lit up on the MRI scans (磁共振成像扫描). Yet, for those who made their decision without any rewards, other areas of the brain lit up as well. Specifically, it lit up the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex (前扣带皮层区域), which scientists believe plays a role in emotional regulation. Also, it might aid in maintaining excitement related to an event that creates a positive emotional state.

In one study about the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex, it is believed that this brain region could be related to depression if it isn’t developed properly or is dysfunctional. The fact that this part of the brain lights up during acts of generosity and caring without expectation of rewards shows that the altruistic individuals are getting more sustainable pleasure than those motivated by rewards. It also could aid in explaining how it helps depressive individuals feel happier after doing a kind deed.

We live in a society, and no man is a lonely island. We all need each other. For those who genuinely desire to help others regardless of repayment, maintaining a balance of helping others and yourself is very important. It is healthy and necessary to be kind to yourself, as well as to others.

3 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

4 . Researchers set up an experiment in which 5-year-olds were tested with their fellows under different circumstances of transparency (透明) and different audiences. They set up a sticker machine that in some settings was transparent, and other settings in which only the giver of stickers knew how many stickers he could give. They had children give out stickers in both settings. The results were striking: children were consistently generous only when the receiver and audience of the stickers were fully aware of the donation options. Children were notably ungenerous when the receiver of stickers couldn’t see the options.

The researchers said, “Children only showed consistently pro-social behavior in our study in the condition when they could see the receiver and their allocations (分配物) were fully visible; in all other conditions, children were statistically ungenerous, giving the receiver the smaller amount of stickers.”

They made the conclusions that at a very early age, children are learning how to position themselves socially. Well before they apprehend the sociology of their networks and what social reputation really means, they think strategically about giving as a function of how they can gain a reputation with a peer as a generous citizen or pro-social agent when the receiver observes them.

Children change their behavior in response to having an audience. Help children give to others in full view, delivering meals to families, and in private, dropping off treats or surprises for those who need support without signing their names. Also, children should be reminded that thank-you notes are lovely but unnecessary to receive. When we give gifts or lend help to others, try to help children remember why—to provide something for another. It really doesn’t have to be recognized. When a thank-you card doesn’t come, it doesn’t make a gift any less valuable or meaningful for those who were lucky enough to receive.

5 . Having a good sense of humor makes you more enjoyable to be around.     1     . Here’s how you can develop your sense of humor.

●Surround Yourself with Humor

You learn more effectively when you fully expose yourself to a subject. Similarly, you can improve your sense of humor by surrounding yourself with humor. Watch stand-up comedians. Listen to programs that amuse you.Read humorous books.     2     .

●Learn What Amuses You

    3     . We amuse our friends by praising a change they made. However, when it comes to being funny, don’t change your sense of humor to amuse other people. Instead, start with what amuses you.Then, if you think the other person will also be amused with it, share it with them.

●Think About Timing and Audience

You don’t have to be funny all the time, so don’t expect that of yourself. When you catch yourself trying to be funny, slow down. Simply speak slower so you’re not as likely to stop and repeat yourself. Try speaking at 60-70 % of your usual rate.     4     .

●    5    

You don’t need to seize every single opportunity to be funny. If you’re in the middle of a bad joke, just end it. “You know what, now that I’m telling it, it’s not as funny as it sounded in my head,” can be a bit of an awkward end and hurt your pride a little bit, but it saves everyone time and patience. In the long run, they’ll respect your taste.

6 . People are taught how to speak, but good sentence structure and a wide range of vocabulary words won’t always lead to being understood or understanding others.    1    

The good news is that it’s never too late to learn how to communicate more effectively. The first step is to realize you’ re having communication issues.    2    The following is a list of the top three signs that you need to learn healthier communication skills.

You have the same fights over and over.

Your fights are about the same topic again and again. If this is happening, it means you don’t yet have the skills to resolve conflicts.    3    The fight may end, but it’s only a matter of time before you argue about the same thing again. When you learn how to resolve conflicts, issues don’t pile up or become baggage that weighs down your relationship.

    4    

You don’t want to fight so you try not to bring up subjects that lead only to pain and disconnection. The problem is that avoiding them leads to pain and disconnection anyway. Unless you learn how to have hard conversations productively, you will get more and more disconnected until your relationship is in danger of ending.

You regularly feel misunderstood or unheard.

No matter how hard you try, you don’t feel understood. Perhaps your partner has expressed the same feeling.Over time the disconnected feeling does damage to your relationship. It’s important to learn how to communicate in a better way, so that both you and the other person feel heard and understood.    5    To be heard, your partner will need to learn how to listen. For you, to be able to hear your partner, you will need to do the same.

7 . When romantic partners argue over things like finances, jealousy, or other interpersonal issues, they tend to employ their current feelings as fuel for a heated argument. But thinking about the future helps overcome relationship conflicts, according to a University of Waterloo study just published online in Social Psychological and Personality Science. Alex Huynh, a doctoral candidate in psychology is the lead author of the study, which he published with Igor Grossmann from the University of Waterloo, and Daniel Yang from Yale University.

Previous research has shown that third-perspective reasoning can be a positive strategy for reconciliation (调解) of interpersonal struggles. Huynh and his collaborators investigated whether similar benefit can be induced by simply thinking about the future. Study participants were instructed to reflect on a recent conflict with a romantic partner or a close friend. One group of participants were then asked to describe how they would feel about the conflict one year in the future, while another group was asked to describe how they feel in the present.

The team examined participants’ written responses through a text-analysis program for their use of pronouns — such as I, me, she, he. These choices of pronouns were used to capture participants’ focus on the feelings and behaviour of those involved in the conflict. Written responses were also examined for forgiveness and reinterpreting the conflict more positively, both of which implied the participants’ use of reasoning strategies.

The researchers found that envisioning future relationship affected both participants’ focus on their feelings, and their reasoning strategies. As a result, participants reported more positivity about their relationship altogether, especially when study participants extended their thinking about the relationship a year into the future.

“Our study demonstrates that adopting a future-oriented perspective in the context of a relationship conflict — reflecting on how one might feel a year from now — may be a valuable coping tool for one’s psychological happiness and relationship well-being,” said Huynh.

As a child, Obaida Omar    1     (narrow) escaped the enemy’s invasion of her native Afghanistan, walking for weeks through the mountains. Now a mother of three and Islamic Center of Rochester board member, Omar provided first-hand experience of what it means to be a child made     2     (home) by war as the keynote speaker at the “Dinner for Peace”     3     (host) by the Student Association for the Development of Arab Cultural Awareness last Saturday.

About 250 guests attended the dinner, the proceeds(收益) of     4     will go to education for children affected by the Middle Eastern refugee crisis.

“Children did not create this conflict,     5     they are its greatest victims,” said Alanoud Alzaid, the group’s president, who gave the opening speech at the dinner. “Tonight we have raised roughly $3,000 in profit, which means over 1,000 children can get the education they deserve,” he said. “    6     you, tonight would not have been possible.”

    7     (entertain) the audience, the Yellow Jackets kicked the night off with a     8     (select) of lively songs. The Sihir belly(肚皮) dancing group also performed, with pride and authority in their costumes of shining gold and bright coral colors.

“We     9     (plan) this for two months now. It feels wonderful to see such an amazing turnout. It brings back the human element, making you remember that we’re all the same.” said Gabby Stillman, an     10     (eleven) grader.

On the whole, the dinner was a success. The audience was also full of praise.