1 . I’ve spent much of my life dealing with written and spoken words. Now I’m a technologist making use of natural language processing for human good. Given that I work in artificial intelligence (AI), I’m realizing something dangerous happening. Machines are ruining the way we communicate.

AI voices are normalized and yet cold, no matter which accent (口音) you set your Siri or Amazon Alexa into. It’s difficult to normalize language to be inoffensive because sometimes we do make people feel uncomfortable or even make them annoyed. Yet this is exactly what we’re asking artificial intelligence to do for us on a billion - person scale. Once these rules are carried out by machines, they’re unavoidable and create much bigger issues.

We notice that there is an active desire to only include standardized language in AI - powered tools in an attempt to avoid including potentially harmful or offensive language. And these AI-powered tools are exactly what we use to complete our thoughts almost at any given time. They are everywhere — in our emails, word processors, and web pages. The machines are pushing us into a common tongue, and we accept it as a matter of convenience. But what’s the cost? We’re trading uniqueness and accuracy for convenience. We’re also handing the power of acceptable speech to machines not people.

In the real world, people don’t communicate like a Wikipedia (维基百科) article. We use tone (语气), humor and facial expressions. We can tell where people were born based on their accents and wording. Humans are truly unique, and our communication is constantly changing. So we should demand AI systems that promote individuality and uniqueness. We should demand to know how AI is developed and the data used to build it. Because we all deserve this.

The honest mistake

Karie double-checked the words on her spelling test. If she got 100 percent today, she’d win her class’s First-Quarter Spelling Challenge and a brand new dictionary. Plus, Ms. Smith had promised to do a handstand (倒立) if anyone got a perfect score.

Three more words to go. N-i-c-e-l-y. Q-u-i-c-k-l-y. H-o-n-e-s-t-y. Wait! She’d spelled honesty, not honestly. She hurriedly erased the t-y and wrote l-y before handing in her paper.

“I’ll correct these while you’re at the break.” Ms Smith said.

After the break, Karie moved restlessly in her seat, tapping her pencil.

Then Ms. Smith walked to the front of the room and cleared her throat. As if she were an Olympic gymnast, Ms. Smith threw both her feet into the air and announced, “Congratulations, Karie! You did it!”

The whole class burst into applause! Ms. Smith presented Karie with her prize. Kari e smiled broadly as she read the note on the dictionary:

To Karie Carter, for her perfect performance.

“Everything OK?” Mom asked as Karie burst through the front door after school.

“Everything’s PERFECT!” Karie shouted, showing Mom her spelling test and prize. Mom hugged her. “Put the test on the fridge so Dad can see it when he gets home.”

Kari e took another look at the test paper before putting it on the fridge. Her hands stopped in the mid air. She just couldn’t believe her own eyes. Honesly? YES! H-O-N-E-S-L-Y! Karie tumbled (摔倒,翻滚) to the floor.

“Karie, what’s the matter?” asked Mom. “I don’t feel so good,” Kari e said, squeezing the test paper into her backpack.

“Probably too much excitement.” Mom rubbed her back. “How about some tea?”

Karie swallowed. “How do you know? A “t” is exactly what I needed.”

Kari e dragged herself to her bed after some tea. How could she tell the whole class she didn’t deserve the prize? That Ms. Smith did the handstand for nothing?

Para. I Later Dad came in with excitement. “Karie, Mum told me that you won the spelling prize! I’m so proud of you!” However, Karie didn’t seem to be glad as expected. Sensing something unusual, Dad stroked her hair tenderly, “What’s wrong, dear?” On hearing that, Karie lowered her head, sobbing, “Dad, I carelessly missed a ‘t’ in ‘honestly’. I don’t deserve the prize.” After a short silence, Dad patted her on the shoulder and comforted her, “Karie, it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about doing your best and being honest. I’m proud of you no matter what.”

Para.2 When Karie got to school the next morning, Ms. Smith was unlocking the classroom door.

Every time my family makes special plans, they end up getting canceled due to some incidents. Every time that happens, my parents would tell us to look on the bright side and make the best of a bad situation. However, I never managed to do that until this spring.

On a sunny morning this April, my aunt Kate invited us to the annual outdoor spring celebration on her farm. Since my family hadn't done anything different for ages, the whole family was very excited and everyone tried their best to make sure everything went well as planned. In order to add more fun to this exciting trip, my little sister Alice and my little brother Bill even joined me in making an extra-special treat-cupcakes. Full of joy and expectation, we were ready to set off.

The picnic was supposed to last from twelve to three. There was not enough time left. After checking the car again and again, my parents loaded books, a picnic blanket, and a whole big pack of foods and drinks into the car. The moment of our departure finally came at 11 o'clock.

However, everything went wrong the instant we bravely drove off. First, we had to stop and wait for Bill to find his shoes. Next, as we were driving down the road, we had to go back to the house because my mom left her wallet behind. Then, about halfway to Aunt Kate's house, we had to drive far out of our way to find a place for Alice to use a bathroom.

After that, my parents decided it'd be quicker to take one little side country road as a shortcut (捷径). But the shortcut ended up turning into a long way! We drove forever on a winding road with wildflower fields spreading endlessly out on both sides and the deep green pine trees going on and on within our sight. I had no mood to appreciate all of those. Spotting hundreds of birds flying in the sky, I was seized by a growing sense of desperation, for I entirely had no idea when we could hit our destination.

However, we had to stop on the way, for we were trapped there.

"Could we have a great time here?" I wondered.

It was the day of the big cross-country run. Students from seven different primary schools in and around the small town were warming up and walking the route (路线) through thick evergreen forest.

I looked around and finally spotted David, who was standing by himself off to the side by a fence. He was small for ten years old. His usual big toothy smile was absent today. I walked over and asked him why he wasn’t with the other children. He hesitated and then said he had decided not to run.

What was wrong? He had worked so hard for this event!

I quickly searched the crowd for the school’s coach and asked him what had happened. “I was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him,” he explained uncomfortably. “I gave him the choice to run or not, ad let him decide.”

David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children, but at school his classmates thought of him as a regular kid. He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual that David had decided to join the cross-country team. It just took him longer — that’s all. David had not missed a single practice, and although he always finished his run long after the other children, he did always finish. As a special education teacher at the school, I was familiar with the challenges David faced and was proud of his strong determination. I decided to encourage him to keep on. Hearing my inspiring words, David nodded willingly, deciding to join in the cross-country team.

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.

Edison, a five-year-old boy had a nice holiday on the Big Island, Hawaii with his parents. The sun shone on the golden beach, and the sparkling sea unfolded in front of them. There were a large number of people on vacation, and the houses in the distance were neatly lined up. After Edison played for a while, he sat on the beach, enjoying the beautiful trees in the distance and listening to the cries of the seagulls (海鸥).

However, having recently returned from Hawaii, they were shocked by a TV news — a deadly wildfire on Maui steals Hawaiians’ homes and history. Scores of birds lay dead on the ground. Houses were burned to ruins, and cars were destroyed.

“Mum, do the kids have no toys or even a bed?” Edison asked sadly. “What shall I do to help them?”

“Will you donate your pocket money?” Mom asked.

“Sure, but that’s not enough. What about setting up a lemonade stand (柠檬水小摊) on the street? I think people are willing to buy something and give a helping hand.”

“Sounds great! My boy.” Dad agreed. “Besides pink and yellow lemonade, we can sell sandwiches, ice creams, candies and sparking water (气泡水).”

“Let’s start to make these things. It won’t take long.” Edison urged his parents.

The next few hours saw this family making sandwiches and lemonade, putting all the stuff on a stand, with a board saying “Food and Lemonade for Hawaii. One dollar per cup.”

“Will people buy our stuff?” Edison wondered.

Soon, drivers and passers-by stopped and made generous purchases. Even though the lemonade sold for 1 dollar per cup, they regularly paid 5, 10 or even 20 dollars.

“It is really considerate of you to do this. Please donate the change!” Touched by the behavior of Edison, people generously donated. “Thank you!” Edison expressed his gratitude to everyone who lent a helping hand.

With the collected funds, the family purchased essential supplies, such as food, water, blankets and toys. Though they were physically exhausted, they felt happy inside.

The family decided to go to the disaster-stricken island and offer their time and efforts.

I was eight years old when my family moved from Towoomba to England in 1950. My mother was suffering from a rare disease and had to take treatment in London. The day before we boarded the ship, Father sent his five-year-old red heeler (Australian cattle dog), Spider, who was loved by us all, to his friend Sandy, as Sandy was to be his guardian while we were overseas. We didn’t know how long my mother’s treatment would take or how long we would be away.

Six weeks later, an airletter arrived from Sandy, giving my father the news that Spider had run away just two weeks after we had sailed. I will always remember my father’s face as he read this news. My mother and I tried to comfort him, knowing in our hearts how useless this was.

Sandy had advertised constantly on the media. Despite many “sightings”, the dog was never found. It seemed Spider just kept running and searching for us. My father worried he would be shot or dead from starvation. But our family thought that Father held a secret hope that Spider was still alive.

We sailed back to Australia two years later and my father immediately began his own search for Spider. He repeated calls to the people who had said they had seen his dog, but it turned out to be clueless.

One cold winter’s Saturday morning, eight months after our return, my father had a call from Gin Gin, 375 kilometers from Toowoomba. An elderly lady living on her own was putting food out “for a very old yellow dog”. This had been going on for a few weeks. Immediately we set off.

Five and a half hours later, we found the old house beside the bush (灌木丛). Sadly, the lady told my father that the dog hadn’t been around for a few days. My father had an upset look in his eyes. He put two fingers to his mouth and did his special whistle for Spider.

Suddenly there was a sound in the bush.

Once home we gently cleaned him up.

8 . Search “toxic parents”, and you’ll find more than 38, 000 posts, largely urging young adults to cut ties with their families. The idea is to safeguard one’s mental health from offensive parents. However, as a psychoanalyst (精神分析学家), I’ve seen that trend in recent years become a way to manage conflicts in the family, and I have seen the severe impacts estrangement (疏远) has on both sides of the divide. This is a self-help trend that creates much harm.

“Canceling” your parent can be seen as an extension of a cultural trend aimed at correcting imbalances in power and systemic inequality. Today’s social justice values respond to this reality, calling on us to criticize oppressive and harmful figures and to gain power for those who have been powerless. But when adult children use the most effective tool they have—themselves—to gain a sense of security and ban their parents from their lives, the roles are simply switched, and the pain only deepens.

Often, what I see in my practice are cases of family conflict mismanaged, power dynamics turned upside down rather than negotiated. I see the terrible effect of that trend: situations with no winners, only isolated humans who long to be known and feel safe in the presence of the other.

The catch is that after estrangement, adult children are not suddenly less dependent. In fact, they feel abandoned and betrayed, because in the unconscious, it doesn’t matter who is doing the leaving; the feeling that remains is “being left”. They carry the ghosts of their childhood, tackling the emotional reality that those who raised us can never truly be left behind, no matter how hard we try.

What I have found is that most of these families need repair, not permanent break-up. How can one learn how to negotiate needs, to create boundaries and to trust? How can we love others, and ourselves, if not through accepting the limitations that come with being human? Good relationships are not the result of a perfect level of harmony but rather of successful adjustments.

To pursue dialogue instead of estrangement will be hard and painful work. It can’t be a single project of “self-help”, because at the end of the day, real intimacy (亲密关系) is achieved by working through the injuries of the past together. In most cases of family conflict, repair is possible and preferable to estrangement—and it’s worth the work.