1 . The Internet has opened up a whole new online world for us to meet, chat and go where we’ve never been before.

But just as in face to face communication, there are some rules of behavior that should be followed when on line.    1    Imagine how you’d feel if you were in the other person’s shoes.

For anything you’re about to send: ask yourself, “Would I say this to the person’s face?” if the answer is no, rewrite and reread.    2    

If someone in the chat room is rude to you, your instinct (本能) is to fire back in the same manner. But try not to do so.    3    If it was caused by a disagreement with another member, try to fix the situation by politely discussing it. Remember to respect the beliefs and opinions of others in the chat room.

    4    Offer advice when asked by newcomers, as they may not be sure what to do or how to communicate. When someone makes a mistake, whether it’s a stupid question or an unnecessarily long answer, be kind about it. If it’s a small mistake, you may not need to say anything. Even if you feel strongly about it, think twice before saying anything. Having good manners yourself doesn’t give you license to correct everyone else.     5    At the same time, if you find you are wrong, be sure to correct yourself and apologize to those that you have offended.

It is not polite to ask others personal questions such as their age, sex and marital status. Unless you know the person very well, and you are both comfortable with sharing personal information, don’t ask such questions.

2 . We’ve been there: in a lift, in line at the bank or on an airplane, surrounded by people who are, like us, deeply focused on their smartphones or, worse, struggling with the uncomfortable silence.

What’s the problem? It is possible that we all have compromised conversational intelligence. It’s more likely that none of us start a conversation because it’s awkward and challenging, or we think it’s annoying and unnecessary. But the next time you find yourself among strangers, consider that small talk is worth the trouble. Experts say it’s an important social practice that results in big benefits.

Dismissing small talk as unimportant is easy, but we can’t forget that deep relationships wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for casual conversation. Small talk is the grease (润滑剂) for social communication, says Bernardo Carducci. “Almost every great love story and each big business deal begins with small talk,” he explains. “The key to successful small talk is learning how to connect with others, not just communicate with them.”

In a 2014 study, Elizabeth Dunn, Associate Professor of psychology at UBC, invited people on their way into a coffee shop. One group was asked to seek out an interaction (互动) with its waiter; the other, to speak only when necessary. The results showed that those who chatted with their server reported significantly higher positive feelings and a better coffee shop experience. “It’s not that talking to the waiter is better than talking to your husband,” says Dunn. “But interactions with peripheral (边缘的) members of our social network matter for our well-being also.”

Dunn believes that people who reach out to strangers feel a significantly greater sense of belonging, a bond with others. Carducci believes developing such a sense of belonging starts with small talk. “Small talk is the basis of good manners,” he says.

3 . Most of us are already aware of the direct effect we have on our friends and family. But we rarely consider that everything we think, feel, do, or say can spread far beyond the people we know. Conversely(相反地), our friends and family serve as conduits(渠道) for us to be influenced by hundreds or even thousands of other people. In a kind of social chain reaction, we can be deeply affected by events we do not witness that happen to people we do not know. As part of a social network, we go beyond ourselves, for good or ill, and become a part of something much larger.

Our connectedness carries with it fundamental implications(影响) for the way we understand the human condition. Social networks have value precisely because they can help us to achieve what we could not achieve on our own. Yet, social­network effects are not always positive. Depression, obesity, financial panic, and violence also spread. Social networks, it turns out, tend to magnify(放大) whatever they are seeded with.

Partly for this reason, social networks are creative. And what these networks create does not belong to any one individual—it is shared by all those in the network. In this way, a social network is like a commonly owned forest: We all stand to benefit from it, but we also must work together to ensure it remains healthy and productive. While social networks are fundamentally and distinctively human, and can be seen everywhere, they should not be taken for granted.

If you are happier or richer or healthier than others, it may have a lot to do with where you happen to be in the network, even if you cannot recognize your own location. And it may have a lot to do with the overall structure of the network, even if you cannot control that structure at all. And in some cases, the process feeds back to the network itself. A person with many friends may become rich and then attract even more friends. This rich­get­richer dynamic means social networks can dramatically reinforce two different kinds of inequality in our society: situational inequality and positional inequality.

Lawmakers have not yet considered the consequences of positional inequality. Still, understanding the way we are connected is an essential step in creating a more just society and in carrying out public policies affecting everything from public health to the economy. We might be better off vaccinating(接种疫苗) centrally located individuals rather than weak individuals. We might be better off helping interconnected groups of people to avoid criminal behaviour rather than preventing or punishing crimes one at a time.

If we want to understand how society works, we need to fill in the missing links between individuals. We need to understand how interconnections and interactions between people give rise to wholly new aspects of human experience that are not present in the individuals themselves. If we do not understand social networks, we cannot hope to fully understand either ourselves or the world we inhabit.

4 . When we are young we are taught that it’s wrong to lie and we should always tell the truth. Unfortunately, most children lie even if they’re told not to. Research carried out at the Institute of Child Study at Toronto Univercity has shown that this might not be such a bad thing. Apparently (显然地), children who tell lies when they’re two years old have a good chance of becoming successful adults (成年人).

According to the research, at the age of two, 20 per cent of children lie. At the age of three, 50 per cent lie, and at four almost 90 per cent lie. By the age of 12 almost every child tells lies.

Lying needs much brain work, and the better the lie is, the more work the brain has to do. By training the brain early, researchers believe children will be able to think more clearly when they are adults.

Recent research, carried out by the Science Museum in London, has shown some interesting facts about the way we lie as adults. According to the research, the average British man tells three lies every day; that’s over 1,000 lies a year. However, the average woman apparently only lies twice a day.

Most people think women are better liars (说谎者) than men although in fact they tell fewer lies. Popular women’s lies include ‘Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine’, ‘I don’t know where it is, I haven’t touched it’, and ‘It wasn’t that expensive’.

Some people say you can lie as long as it’s a white lie. A white lie is a lie told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. One of the most common lies for both men and women is ‘It’s just what I’ve always wanted’, said after opening a present from their partner.

5 . My wife and I were at a crowded grocery store not long ago. It was a weekday evening, cold and wet and tense. People were carelessly blocking aisles, complaining and cutting one another off with their carts. At one point, two women quarreled for several minutes in the freezer section.

Things got worse at the checkout line. The cashier scanned a man’s discount card, but he misread the savings on her screen as an additional charge. He decided she was acting on purpose and began to argue.

Other customers looked away as the cashier tried to reason with him. She called a manager, who took him to customer service. Shaken, she moved to the next customer in line.

We’ve all witnessed uncomfortable scenes like this in public places. My reaction when I see them is both personal and professional. I am a data analyst and sociologist who studies how and why people interact with one another — or why they choose not to. To me, the grocery scene was another example of how our trust in others has disappeared. But it was also a teachable moment on how we can rebuild our faith — starting with just one person.

Therefore, my wife and I reached the disturbed cashier. I grabbed a bottle of water from a nearby cooler and handed it to her. We learned her name was Beth.

“We felt bad about how that man treated you and wanted to buy this for you.” I said.

Beth’s face lit up, and we talked as she scanned our items. She told us she had been working that evening through severe foot pain and would be having surgery later that week. We wished her well in her recovery, and she thanked us as we left.

That is the balancing act, the moment of countering social and emotional pain with healing, that will add up to restore trust across the United States. You can start that pattern in someone else’s life, even in a place as ordinary as the neighborhood grocery store.

6 . Conformity involves changing your behaviour to “fit in” or “go along” with the people around you. In some cases, this social influence might involve agreeing with or acting like the majority of people in a specific group, or involve behaving in a particular way to be viewed as “normal” by the group. Actually, conformity is something that happens regularly in our social world. Sometimes we’re aware of our behaviour, but in many cases it happens without much thought or awareness on our parts. And even in some cases we go along with things we disagree with or behave in ways we know we shouldn’t.

There are countless examples of conformity in life. For instance, a teenager dresses in a certain style because he wants to fit in with the rest of the teenagers in his social group. A woman reads a book for her book club and really enjoys it. When she attends her book club meeting, the other members all dislike the book. Rather than go against the group opinion, she simply agrees with the others that the book is terrible.

Why do we conform? In many cases, looking to the rest of the group for clues for how we should behave can actually be helpful. Others might have greater knowledge or experience than we do, so following their lead can actually be instructive. And in some cases, we conform to the expectations of the group to avoid looking foolish. This tendency can become especially strong in situations where we aren’t quite sure how to act. Additionally, there are some situations where we conform just in order to avoid punishments or gain rewards.

There are many factors that influence conformity. For example, not knowing how to perform a difficult task makes people more likely to conform. Personal characteristics such as motivation to achieve and strong leadership abilities are linked with a decreased tendency to conform. And people are more likely to conform in situations that involve between three and five other people.

9 . Everyone, at one time or another, has experienced some challenges in friendships and relationships with family members. We might find ourselves upset or angry with other people, or even find that we argue with them. The reality is that nobody is perfect and we need to realize that we should find ways to live happier and less stressful lives.     1    .

Respect other people and accept them

This is the most important point.     2    . Everyone is unique with different experiences and lives. By always remembering this, we will be able to develop and maintain strong relationships.

    3    

We might have friends who are crazy about sports, while we prefer reading. Or perhaps a parent’s hobby seems boring to us but it is something they love. If we want to keep our relationships strong and positive, we should at least take time to listen to them and talk about what matters to them. By doing this, we show them that we care about them and their interests.

Apologize when you make a mistake

This is the hardest thing for most of us to do, yet a simple “I’m sorry” can undo a lot of tension. By being honest when you make a mistake, you can fix any problem you may have caused and show that you are an adult.     4    .

So, try and follow the advice from now on, and you will find that you have happier and stronger relationships with your friends and loved ones.     5    .