1 . Many people confuse hard-working people with workaholics(工作狂). How could a person tell that he/she is a workaholic? A workaholic works long hours, at the expense of personal relationships and health. When not working, they’re thinking about work. Work influences their mood: when work is going well, they’re up; when work is going less well, they’re down.

Working, or simply being busy, can be a hard habit to break. When workaholics aren’t busy working—or doing something to promote their work—they feel anxious and guilty. They hang onto jobs for dear life and do everything they can to make sure they’re essential.

There is a link between health problems and workaholism. Just because work itself is a respectable pursuit(追求) doesn’t mean that an addiction to it is any less damaging than other sorts of addictions. A number of studies show that workaholism has been associated with a wide range of health problems, such as anxiety and heart disease.

Besides health problems, being a workaholic brings other negative effects as well. A study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy found that working too much negatively influenced an employee’s marriage. This isn’t surprising, since if you’re married to your work, it can be difficult to be married to anything, or anyone, else. There have also been studies looking at the influence of workaholic parents on their children and the news isn’t good. Adult children of workaholic fathers experienced more depression and anxiety and a weaker sense of self.

However, there are also many positive aspects to working hard and to an increasing devotion to career. Hard work can bring great rewards. For many, it’s how they develop feelings of self-worth and confidence and purpose. If you have a workaholic in your life, you might point out the things he or she is missing out on while at work, whether it’s a child’s soccer game, a good book, or a yoga class. Seek to understand why the person feels the need to work so much and support them in finding a solution.

2 . My daughter Eve used to love the Lightning McQueen character from the film ‘Cars’. As a little baby she began to stop and smile every time she saw the character. She was happy when a relative bought her some ‘Cars’ toys.

I knew her interest in ‘Cars’ had disappeared recently; she’s developed new interests since starting school. But when I found myself in a hurry to buy juice cartons(盒装果汁), and the choice was between ‘Disney Princess’ or ‘Cars’ cartons, I took the ‘Cars’ ones.

The next morning she saw a carton go into her lunch bag and took it out. She said it embarrassed her. She told me it was because ‘Cars’ is ‘boyish’. When I said to her that I thought she liked ‘Cars’, she said, very quietly, “I do, but I don’t want anyone to know“. Eve says children should be able to like whatever they want to, but the pressure to behave ‘like a girl’ has got to her.

Children do understand the gendered messages they receive. They understand the gender rule ‘This is for boys and that is for girls, ‘in the same way as other kinds of social rules. The period between birth and age 7 is called The Imprint Period, because this is when children learn about everything around them. They accept much of it as true. It’s one of the reasons gender-stereotyped(性别刻板印象的)toys can be so damaging.

From the moment they are born, children are expected to live up to expectations of what it means to be a boy or a girl. It’s easy to see that they are influenced by the way toys are marketed. Children accept what their world tells them, so it’s necessary to change the harmful stereotypes they are being sold.

3 . Recently my friend invited me to her residential hall, which is an African-American themed hall. They have lots of meetings and outings there. So I thought it would be fun. On this particular day they were having a pancake breakfast, just a time to mix. I was excited to be there, too.

I walked in at a time when the mini-party was at its peak. I found my friend; excitedly, we hugged and she led me to a seat in the back. We sat there for some time. I sensed some sort of discrimination. I wondered, were we just isolating ourselves or were we facing discrimination?

My friend’s breakfast came in first, and it was a plate full of colors. My mouth watered. I have always liked rainbow dishes: they make me hungry. She let me pick pancakes and fruit; we ate and only then began to talk.

The black American contemporary music was extremely loud. Some boys and girls were beating the tables and some guys on the stage were dancing in what looked like a kind of competition.

We talked about various subjects: hair, boys, shoes and books. And then we got to it. “What do African Americans think of Africans?”

We argued. I told her I thought African Americans were haughty. Why did they sideline us? When we met in a narrow passage and our eyes met, they quickly looked aside before we greeted. Why? Weren’t we all black? I mean, wasn’t this exactly the reason why there was an African-American themed house to begin with?

Did they look down upon us because they grew up in America and we in Sub-Saharan Africa? Oh yes, I felt this was it! They believed that we were HIV-positive and that the giraffes were right behind our huts.

My friend uttered, “No!” And then she continued：

“I also thought so at one point but after living with these guys, I got to a different conclusion altogether. These guys are not from Africa. They were not born there and may have never been there. We can’t expect them to naturally like us or bond. We are different. Skin color is the skin color.”

4 . It’s a great feeling when someone gives you a compliment (赞美), isn’t it?    1    When you compliment someone, he/she will become open and begin to talk with you. How do you give an appropriate compliment, though? It’s important to be sincere and specific about your praise.

When someone does an activity or a task particularly well, let him/her know about it by saying “You did a great job!”     2     For example, “That was a great presentation! I particularly liked the funny examples you used.”

    3    You can use “I like” or “I love” to start compliments, especially if someone wears a new coat or has a new haircut. For example, “I love your hair today” or “I like your skirt”.

When you’ve bought something new, it feels great when other people are excited about it. For example, if you take out your new mobile phone and a colleague says, “What a cool phone!”, it makes you feel like you made the right decision to buy it.

    4    

Compliment someone on their personalities and you'll make a new friend. For example, if you like how happy a coworker is, you can tell him/her, “You are always so happy. It makes my day better.”    5     If you like how organized another colleague is, tell him/her, “I really appreciate how organized you are. I would love to be as organized as you.”

5 . When you are communication, you spend nearly 60% of your time listening to other people, but most people only remember 25% of what they hear.     1    

Be more present. When you are listening to someone, put everything else aside and give your full attention to the person. Make sure you keep eye contact with the person at all times.

    2     When you are listening to another person, try to think what they might be feeling or going through at that very moment. Sympathy for others can allow you to imagine yourself in the situation from the person's angle and see what you can learn from the discussion.

Ask more questions. Being a good listener doesn't just mean that you sit quietly and let the other person speak.     3     The more interested you are in what the person is saying, the better the conversation will be. The key is to let questions carry forward the conversation and to leave enough room for the person to continue talking.

Train your emotional intelligence. Your emotional intelligence influences your ability to listen to other people.     4     Learn to understand your own emotions, both negative and positive. Be aware of your reactions when you are listening to someone.

Make a note of the conversation.     5     You need to think about the key message of the discussion, and analyse what you and the other person have learned from it. So making an internal note of the conversation can help you further improve your listening as well as communication skills as a whole.

6 . Everybody wants to hang out with fun people. Nobody wants to be classified as “boring”. It’s just that some of us need a little help in this department. Being fun to hang out with fun people starts with developing healthy self-esteem (自尊) , an adventurous spirit, and a kind personality.     1    .

Be confident.     2    . Before you even begin trying to become a fun person, you have to believe you can be a fun person. Nothing is wrong with believing in yourself, and it’s looked up to but never looked down on. Most confident people have insecurities.

Show interest. Listen and show kindness to others during conversation. If people think they can talk to you about anything, they’ll invite you to hang out more often.     3    . If you ignore people or always talk about yourself, they won’t invite you anymore.

    4    . Focus on the positive aspects of your life, what you are looking forward to, or what you want to do. We all know that sadness needs company, but if you are unhappy all the time, others won’t want to hang out with you.

Smile. Looking the part of a fun person is half the battle, and it’s not even really much of a battle because once you get the hang of it, smiling just becomes a reflex, and an attractive one at that.

Learn how to “hang out”.     5     . Some people like to just sit around casually, watch TV, play games, or just talk. For others, hanging out can mean doing interesting activities outside the home. Figure out what your friends consider hanging out to be and then tailor your interests to that crowd.

8 . It’s never easy to say “no”, especially when we’re asked by someone close to us, Maybe a friend is asking you for a favor, or a co-worker is asking you to cover their shift for the afternoon     1    . Don’t worry, We’ve put together some tips to help you politely refuse a request without feeling guilty or hurting anyone’s feelings in the process.

Be kind but forthright. Though you can always just say “no” on your own terms, you might find more success by padding your refusal with positivity.     2    . There’s no need to hide the real reason why you’re saying “no”, as long as you can express it in a polite manner. People will appreciate it if you tell them kindly and quickly why you can’t accommodate them.

    3    . It’s important to set boundaries (界限) with co workers and close friends alike. People shouldn’t expect they can take advantage of you or you’ll drop everything for them at the last minute. Aim for relationships in which both of you feel glad to say “yes” when you can but are also understanding when one of you can’t.

Offer a brief explanation. Providing a concise explanation as to why you’re refusing a request is one polite way to say “no”. For instance, if you already have other work this week that would prevent you from hitting a pew deadline, let the person know that. You’d better avoid adding too much fluff (无价值的东西) to your explanation.     4     .

Know yourself. Knowing yourself and your needs will help you decide if you should say“no”. Have a brainstorming session about areas where you have too much on your plate.     5    . You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can show up for others.