1 . How often do you have a conversation with someone, and think you are paying attention to him or her, only to realize shortly afterwards that you can't remember what he said? Or, perhaps you get distracted while he is speaking and miss the message that he is trying to deliver.     1    : TVs, radios, traffic noises, telephones, laptops and so on, which can make it difficult to listen with our full attention.

But how can we listen more effectively?     2    . He said, “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, with a purpose, at the present moment and non - judgmentally.”

    3    ? Jon Kabat - Zinn describes three key elements of mindful listening that we can use to improve our listening skills.

First of all, be present. When we listen mindfully, our focus should be on the person we are listening to without distractions. Then develop empathy (共鸣). We often see the world through our own experiences. When we're empathetic, we can understand a situation from someone else's point of view.     4    . Our cues are the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that we have when we feel anxious or angry, and they can block out ideas and perspectives that we re uncomfortable with. Mindful listening can help us to be more aware of our cues.     5    

In conclusion, the rule is straightforward: simply “Listen”! Listen carefully and attentively. Pay full attention to the other person, and don' t let other thoughts, like what we are going to say next, distract us.

4 . A new study, published in The Journal of Experimental Psychology found that communication interactions that included voice, like a phone call or video chat, created stronger social bonds than communication through typing, like text messaging or email.

In the study, researchers used various experiments to gauge connectedness. In one, they asked 200 people to make predictions about what it would be like to reconnect with an old friend by email or by phone and then assigned people at random to do one or the other. Although people anticipated that a phone call would be more awkward, hearing someone's voice actually made the experience better. However, people who participated in the experiment reported that they did form a significantly stronger bond with their old friend on the phone versus email, and they did not feel more awkward.

In another experiment, the researchers had strangers connected by either texting, talking over video chat, or talking using only audio. They found that both forms of voice communication — whether video or audio only — made the strangers feel significantly more connected than when they communicated via text.

Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard trained clinical psychologist based in New York City, says people tend to text or email instead of calling because of convenience, as they see it as a controlled form of communication where they can "correspond information exactly in the way they intend without unexpected additions by the other person."

Romanoff says that in reality, texting can make it hard to determine the true meaning behind a conversation. A phone call is actually more convenient when considering the net effects of the message. Each party is more present, and therefore, able to gauge the meaning behind the content without ruminating on the endless possible meanings behind words and punctuation.

7 . Small talk has a reputation for being uninteresting, and for good reason. Pointing out the fact that it’s raining seems as ridiculous as pointing out the fact that you have a head—you’re fully aware of both things, and don’t require an outsider to confirm them. But despite being evident and often painfully dull, small talk has an important role to fulfil, enabling us to leap over a number of social obstacles towards improved, meaningful interaction.

Humans can be sensitive souls. We each have our boundaries and lists of potential upsets, which when broken, cause us to either gently back away to an alternative position in the room, or become cross at the person. Small talk is first a way to test the waters with an unfamiliar person, so that you may better understand their personality. When finding yourself positioned closely to a person who you know little about, it’s much safer to point out the rainy sky than to share your political views on a sensitive topic. Until you know the person better, heavier topics should probably be kept under wraps, so you won’t find yourself on the receiving end of a cold stare.

Though insignificant, small talk still has great power. When talking with fellow humans, much of our soul is exposed through non-verbal communication. A response to “how was your weekend” can unveil much about the person’s character. The length of their response might indicate their level of self-confidence; the tone of speaking might show how agreeable a person is; their slightly lowered head, as if protecting themselves from attack, a possible sign of a regrettable history of bullying.

As more of a person’s character is revealed, we have the insight needed to determine whether to broach more significant topics—the things that we actually want to talk about. Conversation is a great educator, and deep conversation establish lasting bonds with our fellow humans, forming precious friendships that paint our lives with vibrant colors. Such friendships begin with small talk.

8 . Almost everyone gossips. And a new study finds that people spend about 52 minutes per day, on average, talking to someone about others who are not present

But here’s the surprise: Despite the assumption that most gossip is trash talk, the study finds the majority of gossip is nonjudgmental chat.

“People love to talk about others,” says Jeremy Cone, a psychologist at Williams College. “Think about your own conversations with a family member or friend: You talk about everyday things that keep you connected. You share your daughter got her driver’s license or your uncle has a kidney stone. Much of it is just documenting facts.”

Of course, the study also finds that some gossip is negative or mean-spirited. About 15% of the gossip included some type of negative judgement.

But even negative gossip can serve a purpose, as more research has found.

“I think gossiping can be a smart thing to do,” says Elena Martinescu who has studied gossip in the workplace. “It allows people to keep track of what’s going on and form social connection with other people.”

Research has shown that gossip can help build group cohesion (凝聚力) and cooperation. “When you gossip, you can keep track of who is contributing to the group and who's being selfish,” Martinescu explains. “And by sharing this information, you can exclude those group members who are social loafers (游手好闲的人).”

“We also found negative gossip makes people likely to repair the aspects of their behavior that they were criticized for,” Martinescu says.

So, say, for instance, you were criticized for always arriving at work late. Hearing that gossip about yourself may motivate you to want to be on time.

Of course, this isn’t a license to be loose lips or to repeat baseless claims that can damage someone’s reputation unfairly. But confiding (吐露个人隐私) in your friends and colleagues and sharing impressions about another person — even when they’re negative — may be helpful.

10 . An interview is a discussion with someone in which you try to get information from them.     1     There are three basic sub-types of interview: structured interviews, unstructured interviews and semi-structured interviews.     2     Incidentally, “respondent” and “informant” are words that are sometimes used instead of “interviewee”.

A great deal is provided by this personal contact: you are another human being, and interviewees will respond to you, in bodily presence, in an entirely different way from the way that they would have reacted to questionnaires that came through their letterboxes or to emails.     3     Most people want to help and give their opinions, and they will usually be energized to help by your physical presence.

If you take the trouble to schedule a visit, you can be more or less guaranteed of a response. Most importantly, though, you will be able to relate to interviewees while you are talking to them.     4     You will be able to watch their behaviour which will give you important clues about how they feel about a topic. Because of the primacy of the personal contact, your appearance and tone are important—how do you want to be seen? As “one of us”? As a person in authority? As an observer? …Or what?     5     However you decide to present yourself, it is good practice of course to try to put the interviewee at ease before the interview begins — to talk about the weather, about your journey, about anything that will break the ice.