9 . Convincing someone to change their mind is really the process of convincing them to change their tribe (部落). If they abandon their beliefs, they run the risk of losing social ties. You can’t expect someone to change their mind if you take away their community too.
The way to change people’s minds is to become friends with them, to combine them into your tribe, to bring them into your circle. Now, they can change their beliefs without the risk of being abandoned socially.
The British philosopher Alain de Botton suggests that we simply share meals with those who disagree with us: “Sitting down at a table with a group of strangers has the incomparable and odd benefit of making it a little more difficult to hate them without punishment. Prejudice and conflict between groups of people from different nations or races feed off abstraction. However, during a meal, something about handing dishes around, unfolding napkins (餐巾纸) at the same moment, even asking a stranger to pass the salt makes us less likely to hold the belief that the outsiders who wear unusual clothes and speak in distinctive accents deserve to be sent home or attacked. For all the large-scale political solutions which have been proposed to ease racial or cultural conflict, there are few more effective ways to promote tolerance between suspicious neighbours than to force them to eat supper together.”
Perhaps it is not difference, but distance that produces tribalism and unfriendliness. As proximity increases, so does understanding. I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln’s quote, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” Facts don’t change our minds. Friendship does.
The Japanese writer Haruki Murakami once wrote, “Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right.”
When we are in the moment, we can easily forget that the goal is to connect with the other side, cooperate with them, befriend them, and integrate them into our tribe. We are so caught up in winning that we forget about connecting. It’s easy to spend your energy labeling people rather than working with them.
The word “kind (family and relatives)” originated from the word “kin (old fashion of family and relatives).” When you are kind to someone, it means you are treating them like family. This, I think, is a good method for actually changing someone’s mind. Develop a friendship. Share a meal. Gift a book. Be kind first, be right later.
1. People are likely to change their mind when they ________.
| A．change their beliefs | B．are made friends with |
| C．move to a new community | D．are given somewhere to go |
2. According to the passage, sharing meals is effective in building connections because it ________.
| A．pleases people with different beliefs or accents |
| B．makes people focus on eating rather than conflicts |
| C．brings benefits to the people having dinner together |
| D．promotes understanding and tolerance among people |
3. What does the underlined word “proximity” in paragraph 4 mean?
| A．Nearness. | B．Action. | C．Communication. | D．Politeness. |
4. The author quotes from Haruki Murakami to imply(暗示） that ________.
| A．breaking down one’s reality is easy |
| B．kindness is more important than right |
| C．arguing and winning are not important |
| D．losing one’s identity is a painful process |
