1 . The word listen, as is shown in Longman Dictionary, means paying attention to what someone is saying or to a sound that you can hear. Listening is definitely an important skill in communication. “When people talk, listen completely.” Those words of Ernest Hemingway might be a pretty good guiding principle for many managers. After all, people like being listened to.

Some firms use a technique known as a “listening circle”. In such a circle, only one person can talk about the issues they face at a time and there is no interruption. A study cited in the Harvard Business Review found that employees who had taken part in a listening circle subsequently suffered less social anxiety and had fewer worries about work-related matters than those who did not.

Listening has been critical to the career of Richard Mullender, who was a hostage (人质) negotiator, dealing with everything from suicide interventions to international kidnaps (绑架). He defines listening as “the identification, selection and interpretation of the key words”. It is crucial to all effective communication.

Plenty of people think that good listening is about nodding your head or keeping eye contact. But that is not really listening, Mr Mullender argues. A good listener is always looking for facts, emotions and indications of the other person’s values. Another important point to bear in mind is that, when you talk, you are not listening. The listener’s focus should be on analysis.

Of course, a listener needs to speak occasionally. One approach is to make an assessment of what the other person is telling you and then check it with them. For example, you can check with the other person by saying “It seems to me that what you want is…”. That gives the other party a sense that they are being understood. The fundamental aim is to build up a relationship so the other person likes you and trusts you, Mr Mullender says.

5 . Almost everyone gossips. And a new study finds that people spend about 52 minutes per day, on average, talking to someone about others who are not present

But here’s the surprise: Despite the assumption that most gossip is trash talk, the study finds the majority of gossip is nonjudgmental chat.

“People love to talk about others,” says Jeremy Cone, a psychologist at Williams College. “Think about your own conversations with a family member or friend: You talk about everyday things that keep you connected. You share your daughter got her driver’s license or your uncle has a kidney stone. Much of it is just documenting facts.”

Of course, the study also finds that some gossip is negative or mean-spirited. About 15% of the gossip included some type of negative judgement.

But even negative gossip can serve a purpose, as more research has found.

“I think gossiping can be a smart thing to do,” says Elena Martinescu who has studied gossip in the workplace. “It allows people to keep track of what’s going on and form social connection with other people.”

Research has shown that gossip can help build group cohesion (凝聚力) and cooperation. “When you gossip, you can keep track of who is contributing to the group and who's being selfish,” Martinescu explains. “And by sharing this information, you can exclude those group members who are social loafers (游手好闲的人).”

“We also found negative gossip makes people likely to repair the aspects of their behavior that they were criticized for,” Martinescu says.

So, say, for instance, you were criticized for always arriving at work late. Hearing that gossip about yourself may motivate you to want to be on time.

Of course, this isn’t a license to be loose lips or to repeat baseless claims that can damage someone’s reputation unfairly. But confiding (吐露个人隐私) in your friends and colleagues and sharing impressions about another person — even when they’re negative — may be helpful.

6 . Most of us are already aware of the direct effect we have on our friends and family. But we rarely consider that everything we think, feel, do, or say can spread far beyond the people we know. Conversely(相反地), our friends and family serve as conduits(渠道) for us to be influenced by hundreds or even thousands of other people. In a kind of social chain reaction, we can be deeply affected by events we do not witness that happen to people we do not know. As part of a social network, we go beyond ourselves, for good or ill, and become a part of something much larger.

Our connectedness carries with it fundamental implications(影响) for the way we understand the human condition. Social networks have value precisely because they can help us to achieve what we could not achieve on our own. Yet, social­network effects are not always positive. Depression, obesity, financial panic, and violence also spread. Social networks, it turns out, tend to magnify(放大) whatever they are seeded with.

Partly for this reason, social networks are creative. And what these networks create does not belong to any one individual—it is shared by all those in the network. In this way, a social network is like a commonly owned forest: We all stand to benefit from it, but we also must work together to ensure it remains healthy and productive. While social networks are fundamentally and distinctively human, and can be seen everywhere, they should not be taken for granted.

If you are happier or richer or healthier than others, it may have a lot to do with where you happen to be in the network, even if you cannot recognize your own location. And it may have a lot to do with the overall structure of the network, even if you cannot control that structure at all. And in some cases, the process feeds back to the network itself. A person with many friends may become rich and then attract even more friends. This rich­get­richer dynamic means social networks can dramatically reinforce two different kinds of inequality in our society: situational inequality and positional inequality.

Lawmakers have not yet considered the consequences of positional inequality. Still, understanding the way we are connected is an essential step in creating a more just society and in carrying out public policies affecting everything from public health to the economy. We might be better off vaccinating(接种疫苗) centrally located individuals rather than weak individuals. We might be better off helping interconnected groups of people to avoid criminal behaviour rather than preventing or punishing crimes one at a time.

If we want to understand how society works, we need to fill in the missing links between individuals. We need to understand how interconnections and interactions between people give rise to wholly new aspects of human experience that are not present in the individuals themselves. If we do not understand social networks, we cannot hope to fully understand either ourselves or the world we inhabit.

7 . Some people are so rude. Who sends an e-mail or a text message that just says “Thank you”? Who leaves a voice mail message rather than texts you?     1     Don’t these people realize that they’re wasting your time?

Maybe I’m the rude one for not appreciating life’s little courtesies (礼节). But many social norms (规范) just don’t make sense to people drowning in digital communication.

Take the thank-you note. Daniel Post Senning, a coauthor of Emily Post’s Etiquette, asked, “At what point does showing appreciation outweigh the cost?”

    2     Think of how long it takes to listen to one of those messages. In texts, you don’t have to declare who you are or even say hello. E-mail, too, is slower than a text. The worst are those who leave a voice mail and then send an e-mail message to tell you they left a voice mail.

This isn’t the first time technology has changed our manners.     3     Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor, suggested that people say, “Ahoy!” Finally, hello won out, and the victory sped up the greeting’s use in face-to-face communications.

In the age of the smart phone, there is no reason to ask once-acceptable questions about: the weather forecast, a business’s phone number, or directions to a house, a restaurant, or an office, which can be easily found on a digital map. But people still ask these things.     4    

How to handle these differing standards? Easy: Consider your audience. Some people, especially older ones, appreciate a thank-you message.     5     In traditional societies, the young learn from the old. But in modern societies, the old can also learn from the young. Here’s hoping that politeness never goes out of fashion but that time-wasting forms of communication do.

8 . Even with wonderful friends, family and a partner, I don't always want to be surrounded by people. “Table for one? Or will someone else be joining you?” A dinner reservation for one person never fails to raise a few eyebrows. I actively choose to spend time alone when possible. But not everyone has the luxury of choosing to be alone, of course, many are forced into one-on-one time because they have no one.

But for those of us who spend our days surrounded by colleagues in the workplace, our evenings and weekends with family, friends and partners, all the while being constantly bombarded by WhatsApp,social media and email, time to ourselves can be a rare treat. Time to yourself not only gives you the chance to do practical things you don't normally get round to but also the activities your pals don't want to do. In a less real way, spending time alone also allows-or perhaps forces- you to sit with your own thoughts, to think about things that might normally be drowned out by conversation and the noise of companionship. When you're alone you get time to think without purpose.

It is worth noting that I'm a real introvert(性格内向者）,so perhaps sitting alone with my thoughts-refilling my energy reserves-might just be indulging personality traits that others don't have. But I believe more people could benefit from it.

Given this constant social conditioning since childhood that we should be surrounded by people , it's no wonder many hesitate to press forward at the idea of spending time alone-a sign we've failed at climbing that social ladder. And if you're an extrovert who gets their energy from other people, this must be even harder. But as someone who has come to love spending time alone, even when there are many wonderful souls in my life I can spend time with, I wish more people would give solo a go.

Reservation for one, please.

9 . The Internet has opened up a whole new online world for us to meet, chat and go where we’ve never been before.

But just as in face to face communication, there are some rules of behavior that should be followed when on line.    1    Imagine how you’d feel if you were in the other person’s shoes.

For anything you’re about to send: ask yourself, “Would I say this to the person’s face?” if the answer is no, rewrite and reread.    2    

If someone in the chat room is rude to you, your instinct (本能) is to fire back in the same manner. But try not to do so.    3    If it was caused by a disagreement with another member, try to fix the situation by politely discussing it. Remember to respect the beliefs and opinions of others in the chat room.

    4    Offer advice when asked by newcomers, as they may not be sure what to do or how to communicate. When someone makes a mistake, whether it’s a stupid question or an unnecessarily long answer, be kind about it. If it’s a small mistake, you may not need to say anything. Even if you feel strongly about it, think twice before saying anything. Having good manners yourself doesn’t give you license to correct everyone else.     5    At the same time, if you find you are wrong, be sure to correct yourself and apologize to those that you have offended.

It is not polite to ask others personal questions such as their age, sex and marital status. Unless you know the person very well, and you are both comfortable with sharing personal information, don’t ask such questions.

10 . Concerts should be a fun and enjoyable occasion for everyone attending them,including the musicians.No matter what type of concert one is attending,he is still expected to follow the rules concert etiquette(礼仪）.     1    

Classical music concerts are often events where concert etiquette is considered to be very important.One should generally arrive a few minutes before the show starts,so he can be in his seat at the beginning of the first musical performance.If he arrives late,it may be considered rude to walk in and take his seat in the middle of a musical performance.    2    In this way,he will not influence other audiences while the music is being played.

    3    Take jazz concerts for example.People are usually not criticized for making a small amount of noise,as long as it is not troubling other audiences.For example,they may talk quietly during a performance.

Rock and heavy metal concert etiquette is very relaxed.     4     However,audiences are still expected to show some good manners during a performance.Also,rock concerts are often very crowded,particularly in the areas surrounding the stage.    5     But one should still pay attention to his surroundings.Stepping on someone's foot repeatedly may cause a fight as well.