2 . As countless unmade beds and unfinished homework assignments prove, kids need rules. Yet how parents make demands can powerfully influence a child’s social skills, psychologists at the University of Virginia recently found after the conclusion on a study investigating the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

Initially 184 13-year-olds filled out multiple surveys, including one to assess how often their parents employed psychologically controlling strategies, such as threatening to withdraw affection. The kids rated, for example how typical it would be for Dad to suggest that “if I really cared for him, I would not do things that caused him to worry” or for Mom to become “less friendly when I did not see things her way.”

The researchers followed up with the subjects at ages 18 and 21, asking the young adults to bring along a close friend. These pairs were asked to answer questions that were purposefully written to cause a difference of opinion. “We wanted to see whether they could handle a disagreement in a healthy way,” says study leader Barbara Oudekerk, now at the U.S. Department of Justice’s Bureau of Statistics.

In the October issue of Child Development, Oudekerk and her colleagues report that the 13-year-olds who had highly controlling parents floundered in friendly disagreements at age 18. They had difficulty stating their opinions in a confident, reasoned manner in comparison to the kids without controlling parents. And when they did speak up, they often failed to express themselves in warm and productive ways.

The researchers suspect that controlling parents affect their child’s ability to learn how to argue his or her own viewpoint in other relationships. Although parents do need to set boundaries， dominating strategies imply that any disagreement will damage the bond itself. Separate findings suggest that parents who explain the reasons behind their rules and turn disagreements into conversations leave youngsters better prepared for future disagreements.

The consequences of tense or dominating relationships appear to worsen with time. This study also found that social difficulties at 18 predicted even poorer communication abilities at age 21. Psychologist Shmuel Shulman of Bar-llan University in Israel, who did not participate in the work, thinks these conclusions convincingly reveal how relationship patterns “carry forward” into new friendships.

3 . We do not stop playing because we are old: we grow old because we stop playing. That’s what I learnt from my new and special friend. On the first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t know.

I looked around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady with a smile. She said, “Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eight-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?” I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” She gave me a giant squeeze. “Why are you in college at such a young innocent age?” I asked jokingly. “I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she replied. After class we walked to the Students Union building and shared a chocolate milkshake there. We became instant friends.

Every day of the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends whenever she went. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football dinner. I’ll never forget what she taught us.

“There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. Any body can grow old. That doesn’t take any talent of ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunities in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”

She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Song of Rose. She challenged each of us to study the lyrics(歌词)and live them out in our daily life. At the year’s end, Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

7 . A screen door (纱门) allows for an open view while at the same time affording a degree of privacy. _________, communication between parents and their child away at college should have openness in expressing viewpoints but, at the same time, it should demonstrate a respect for privacy. Staying in touch with each other is important because without _________, there is no connection and worry can take over. All involved should try to be _________ in listening to, understanding and dealing with special concerns or needs that arise whether they be from the student, parents or friends.

For the happy student adjusting well at school, calls to home can be infrequent. This is not necessarily a cause for parents to worry. While parents are naturally _________ about what their child is up to, the majority of students are busy getting _________ to their new home, making new friends and _________ to new schedules and activities. The fact is that without any ill intention on purpose, they can spend little time thinking about home and they may not appreciate the degree of their parents’ _________ curiosity.

For the student who is not adjusting well at school, calls to home will probably be made more _________. This circumstance can bring a _________ period for both parent and child. For the parents at home, it can be terribly __________ to sense their child is unhappy. It is difficult to judge how we should react to this challenge: as __________, we want to bring our children home to the safety of our nest; in our parent-teacher role, we want to __________ the ties and allow our child the opportunity to make it on his/her own.

For the student away at school, unhappiness can be lonely and frightening and in some cases, it can lead to depression and illness. There is a sense of __________ for some homesick students who fear that Mom and Dad will __________ their inability to cope with the new environment. This is especially true when the homesick one sees classmates adjusting somewhat effortlessly. No matter what the circumstances are that have created __________, communication between parent and child must remain open, honest and in balance.

10 . Growing Up in the Library

I grew up in libraries, or at least it feels that way. I was raised in the suburbs of Cleveland, just a few blocks from the brick-faced Bertram Woods branch of the Shaker Heights Public Library system. I went there several times a week with my mother. She and I would walk in together, but as soon as we passed through the door, we each headed towards our favorite sections. The library might have been the first place I was ever given autonomy.

Even when I was maybe four or five years old, I was allowed to head off on my own. Then, after a while, my mother and I would reunite at the checkout counter with our finds. Together we'd wait as the librarian pulled out the date card and stamped it with the checkout machine — that giant fist thumping the card with a loud chunk-chunk, printing a crooked due date underneath a score of previous crooked due dates that belonged to other people, other times.

Those visits were dreamy, frictionless (没有摩擦的) periods that held the promise of leaving me richer than I'd arrived. It wasn't like going to a store with my mom, which guaranteed a tug-of-war between what I wanted and what my mother was willing to buy me; in the library, I could have anything I wanted.

After we had finished checking out the books, I loved being in the car and having all the books we'd gotten stacked on my lap, pressing me under their solid, warm weight, their Mylar covers sticking a bit to my thighs. It was such a thrill leaving a place with things you hadn't paid for; such a thrill expecting the new books we would read. On the ride home, my mother and I talked about the order in which we were going to read our books, a serious conversation in which we planned how to pace ourselves through this charmed period of grace until the books were due.

When I was older, I usually walked to the library by myself, lugging back as many books as I could carry. Occasionally, I did go with my mother, and the trip would be as engaging as it had been when I was small. Even when I was in my last year of high school and could drive myself to the library, my mother and I still went together every now and then, and the trip unfolded exactly as it had when I was a child, with all the same beats and pauses and comments and daydreaming, the same perfect rhythm we'd followed so many times before. After my mother passed away two years ago, I plunged into a deep shadow of grief for a long time. When I miss my mother these days, I like to picture us in the car together, going for one more magnificent trip to Bertram Woods, during which we talked, laughed — as if she were still in my company, giving me inexhaustible strength.