2 . “How are you?” These are the three most useless words in the world of communication. The person asking doesn’t really want to know, and the person responding doesn’t tell the truth.     1    

But the key to making the most out of small talk, according to Harvard researchers, is, to simply ask the other person follow-up questions. In a series of experiments, researchers analyzed more than 300 online conversations and found that those who were asked more meaningful follow-up questions (a.k.a. questions that aren’t “how are you?” or “what do you do?”), found the other person much more likable.

So how do you move from tongue-tied to being an interesting person? It depends on questions you start with, and then you can focus on the stream of follow-up questions.     2    

    3    

Open your eyes before you open your mouth. Find something to focus on in your surroundings, like the piece of art on the wall, a family picture on their desk, a race car helmet, scattered coins from various countries and so on. There’s bound to be something that will spark small talk and help lead the conversation into unique follow-up questions.

Share some news (that actually happened).

If you have “news”, share it: “I adopted a pet over the weekend” or “My 6-year-old rode a bike for the first time yesterday”. Believe it or not, most people actually do want to know more about others, especially if they both work at the same company.

If you’re new to a company and leading a team, for example, start your first meeting by going around the room and asking each person to say one interesting thing that recently happened in their lives.     4    

It’s not just what you say.

No matter what or how much you say, your tone of voice, facial expression and eye contact will broadcast so much more. In person, look at the other person when you speak, not at the conference table or the wall.     5     It’s not just what you say, but how you say it, that will help others connect with you.

3 . Meeting people is the first step to make friends.     1     Here are some useful tips.

Small talk can make people feel false and meaningless.     2     By making small talk, you show that you’re friendly and open to communicating. In that way, small talk helps you to make the first connection with potential (潜在的) new friends. If someone doesn’t make any small talk, we might think that they don’t want to make friends with us, that they don’t like us, or that they’re in a bad mood.

    3    

When you talk to someone new and realize that you have similar interests, the conversation usually goes from stiff (生硬的) to fun and interesting. Therefore, make it a habit to find out if you have any mutual interests or something in common. You can do this by mentioning things that interest you and seeing how they answer.

Don’t judge people too quickly. Try not to think that they are shallow (肤浅的), boring, or that you have nothing to talk about. If everyone seems uninterested, it might be because you have been in small talk.     4    

When you try to make people like you, it will become easier for you to make friends.     5     If we are with someone with a positive experience, we like that person more.

4 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

6 . Being a social butterfly just might change your brain: In people with a large network of friends and excellent social skills, certain brain regions are bigger and _______ connected than in people with fewer friends, a new study finds.

The research suggests a _______ between social interactions and brain structure. “We’re interested in how your brain is able to allow you to _______ the right way in complex social environments,” Mary Ann Noonan said, a neuroscientist (神经学家) at Oxford University. Studies in monkeys have shown that brain areas involved in face processing and in predicting the _______ of others are larger in animals living in large social groups than in ones living in smaller groups.

To investigate these brain _______ in humans, Noonan and her colleagues found 18 participants for a structural brain-imaging study. They asked people how many _______ they had experienced in the past month, in order to determine the size of their social networks. As was the case in monkeys, some brain areas were _______ and better connected in people with larger social networks. “These different brain regions are all singing _______ songs,” Noonan said. “ _______ areas are all singing the same song, and when they’re connected better, they’re singing more harmoniously with each other.”

The researchers also tested whether the size of a person’s social network was connected with ________ in white-matter pathways, the nerve fibers (纤维) that connect different brain regions. ________ , they found that white-matter pathways were better connected in people with bigger social networks. “The nerves were more like a Los Angeles freeway than a ________ road,” Noonan said.

The researchers couldn’t say whether social interaction ________ these changes in brain structure and connectivity, or whether the brain determined how social someone was. In the case of the monkeys, the researchers asked and wrote down the size of the animals’ social network, so they ________ that social-group size was causing the brain differences. It can be inferred that a similar process takes place in human brains, but to prove the ________ , long-term studies are needed, Noonan told Live Science.

7 . In our lives, we deal with different people every day. Some of them are easy to get along with, while others can be rather challenging. When it comes to the latter (后者), most people would advise you to simply stay away from them. But what if you can’t? What if you need to work with them or even depend on them for certain tasks?

Recent studies have shown that people with difficult personalities often perform better than others in stressful environments. They are typically more determined and better at handling pressure. If you have to deal with such a person, here are a few tips for you.

Firstly, you need to be realistic about the challenges that may happen when working with a person of this nature. They may often be aggressive (好斗的), stubborn, and indifferent (漠不关心) to others’ feelings. However, it is important to remember that their behavior is not personal. They are not purposely trying to make your life difficult. It is simply a product of their personality.

Secondly, you need to set clear expectations and boundaries. Let them know what is expected of them and what you expect in return. They may resist (抵抗) in the beginning, but over time, they will appreciate the clarity and foreseeability of the situation.

Finally, while it may be challenging at times, try to focus on what they are good at. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. If someone is good at what they do, appreciate their efforts and contributions, even if they are difficult to deal with. This will help create a positive atmosphere, making the task at hand easier.

9 . How to Talk to Strangers

We are often taught at a very young age not to talk to strangers. However, we grow up and have to talk to strangers all day long.     1    

First of all, it is very important to have a warm approach if you want to avoid a cold communication. So when you are approaching a stranger for the first time next time, send off friendly signals (信号), such as smiling.

Now that you have approached with friendly and warm signals, what do you say to a stranger?     2     The opening lines are not as important as you might think. One of the best and effective opening lines is also the simplest, such as “Hey, how are you?”, which has worked for me all the time.

After or during your opening line, give out your hand for a nice solid handshake. But what if you don’t like shaking hands? Too bad, I advise you to step up and shake the other person’s hand anyway. Why? Because handshakes are so important.     3    

    4     You can tell the strangers who you are and how you have arrived. And if you can, try asking them questions. For example, I could say, “Hey, I’m Vanessa. This is my first time at this conference and how about you?” Then they would respond and we are in a conversation and no longer strangers.

My final tip for you is to use food and drink as an opener if you can. Sitting at the bar is an easy way to make conversation with the person next to you.     5     We all eat and drink, so it’s an easy way in.