3 . When someone hurts you, it can feel good to hang onto the anger and resentment (愤恨) that may bubble up after their actions. However, forgiving others can actually benefit you both mentally and physically.    1     Forgiving yourself for hurting someone else is another tough task. With a little bit of patience, you can learn to forgive yourself or others.

Forgiving is a willingness to move on from an injustice you went through.    2     While you can consciously decide to forgive someone, it may take some time to process your emotions and actually come to terms with your situation.

    3    You yourself value relationship with him or her, and believe that forgiving is worth it. Forgiveness is a decision that should be made thoughtfully, especially if someone did something seriously wrong. Take time to think through your feelings and your reasoning, to better understand the situation.

Avoid giving someone too many chances.    4     But if they are repeatedly and knowingly hurting you, or if they have done something extremely terrible, then you should consider protecting yourself. If someone has shown that they will mistreat you again and again, or that they are willing to do you serious harm, then you need to protect your own well-being.

Take the time to process your emotions. Sometimes, it takes a while to untangle (排解) all your feelings and figure out what to do. That’s okay. Give yourself time and space to process. Helpful processing tools include: Write in a journal about it. Talk to a mentor or trusted person about the situation.    5    

5 . In conversations with strangers, people commonly tend to think they should speak less than half the conversation time to be likable. But we’ve discovered this idea is wrong. Our data shows that people tend to think they should speak about 45% of the time to be likable in a one-on-one conversation with someone new. However, it appears speaking up a bit more is actually a better strategy.

In our research, we randomly assigned people to speak for 30%, 40%, 50%, 60% of the time in a conversation with someone new. We found that the more they spoke, the more they were liked by their new partners. This was only one study with 116 participants, but the outcome is supported by other researchers’ findings. For example, a previous study randomly assigned one in a pair to take on the role of “speaker” and the other to take on the role of “listener. ” After engaging in 12-minute interactions, listeners liked speakers more than speakers liked listeners because listeners felt more similar to speakers than speakers did to listeners. This outcome suggests the reason people prefer those who speak up: Learning more about a new partner can make you feel like you have more in common with him or her.

Further, we assigned people to speak for up to 70% and even 90% of the time. The result shows it is not an ideal strategy. Our research does not suggest people hold down a conversational partner but rather that they feel comfortable speaking up more than they usually might.

Research like ours can help people gain a ‘more reasonable understanding of social interactions with new people and become more confident about how to make a good first impression. It has the obvious benefit of allowing us to carefully control speaking time. However, it does not reflect more natural conversations. Future research should figure out whether our findings generalize to more natural interactions.

7 . “The silence is killing me,” I thought as I locked my phone, hoping a new message would light up the screen. After 27 messages, two phone calls and a voicemail, I’d just sent my final text to the person who _________ to be my best friend at college.

The two of us met freshman year and, since we _________ almost all the same core classes, rapidly became inseparable throughout college. We _________ stayed up together for studying, and were each other’s partner for late-night pizza runs. Then one day after graduation, she suddenly _________ responding, apart from claiming she “didn’t have enough time for herself”. That breakup was the most _________ I’d experienced. After four years of building such a _________ relationship, I thought I’d at least receive a(an) _________ for why she wanted to end things. _________, I received only a brief, indirect message about self-care and-what hurt me most-a(an) _________.

Over the past few years, the concept of “drawing boundaries” has __________ in the pop psychology. Discussions of cutting people off and protecting your energy__________ dominate social media. And after nearly three years in __________, the ways the Covid-19 pandemic has __________ many of us to reevaluate our relationships with others show up everywhere in pop culture.

The __________ of self-care are fairly obvious: by prioritizing our own well-being, we’re able to engage in emotional healing, build confidence, __________ anxiety and simply rest. However, an extreme focus on self-care can lead to a(an) __________ perspective of the world in which we always put ourselves first, even when we’re in the wrong. This doesn’t just __________ us-it can have real, painful consequences for the people around us.

Sometimes it can feel __________ for us to remove ourselves from conflict or discomfort under the mask of __________. However, walking away from these relationships without a real conversation actually__________ us and our loved ones of an opportunity for growth.

8 . Do you feel like an outsider, like you don’t belong anywhere or that you just don’t fit in? Here are some tips for you to deal with these feelings.

    1     Often it’s really only your own mind and emotions that tell you that you don’t fit in. Actually, you may fit in fine. Feeling like you don’t belong isn’t always a bad thing either. Remember, it’s the people that are unique in this world that make the biggest impact. You don’t want to change yourself just to fit in with a certain group of people.     2     They end up wanting to gain approval from others and end up losing themselves in the process.

Let go of past anger. We’re so angry at people that we can’t relate to anyone or only expect the worst from others. Once I figured out how to let go of my past, I became much more comfortable being me.     3     Maybe because I didn’t care as much what they thought of me but more likely just because I think people are more affected by the “aura” you give off.

Focus on your wants and desires. Instead of focusing on the problem that you don’t feel like you fit in, try turning it around. What do you want to explore, what goals do you have, or what do you want to learn?     4     There are so many incredible and inspiring things in this world to explore. Focus on the positive and the beauty of the world rather than getting caught up in a negative situation.

The key to handling the situation of “I feel like an outsider” is really all in how you react to that feeling.     5     As those who have gone through the same feelings show, there can definitely be an advantage to being unique. You truly are special and there is no one else quite like you. You just need to be willing to share the real you with the world.

9 . Saying farewell to someone you love, even for a night, can be difficult, much less saying goodbye for a lifetime or forever in death. Juliet bid Romeo adieu (再见) for the evening with the words, “Parting is such sweet sorrow.” Sweet sorrow is an oxymoron. But this seeming contradiction is true in the context of relationships.

Relationships are based on feelings, emotions, and passion. Deep friendships and loving relationships are measured by the level of emotional attachment. Emotions intensify over time. People spend time with the people they like. The more one person likes another person, the closer the relationship becomes. Each person in the relationship receives an emotional benefit from knowing the other person.

Saying goodbye means separating from the people who make up a significant part of your emotional identity. Separation, even a temporary absence, from the people you have a deep emotional connection with can cause sorrow because you will no longer be able to enjoy their company.

The sweet side of saying goodbye is the emotional fulfillment of being in a close relationship. The time spent together is emotionally rewarding, especially if that person is seen as a soulmate. Humans are social beings. We seek the love and comfort of other people. Loneliness devastates the human condition and leads to sadness. Sad people will do anything they can to find fulfilling relationships. Likewise, happy people will do anything they can to maintain or enhance relationships. Herein lies the essential point of the emotional problem.

The more intense relationships become, the more devastating the emotional loss that is felt upon separation. The exhilaration of relationships cannot be truly measured without experiencing the overwhelming loss of a deep emotional connection.

Enjoy the company of the person you are with as long as you can; knowing the pain you will feel at the end of the relationship is the true measure of the relationship. If it doesn’t hurt to say goodbye, perhaps it wasn’t worth saying hello.