1 . I was recently in Door County Wisconsin, the land of cherries—a fruit sweet to taste and, for me sweeter to recall. The little fruit reminds me of a chat I had with my daughter Molly, now 19, about ten years ago on the summer shores of Lake Michigan.

Molly and I have much in common, including a lasting love of homemade pies. As I get aged, I’ve never changed the sense that freshly baked pies are the most delicious. My daughter agrees.

When she was younger, we would talk about pies before, while and after eating them. She made a special face and sign—one eye closed, fork waved twice in the air—whenever a tasty pie had been eaten up. So this chat wasn’t all that strange as we drove around Door County, a land of cherries that July day.

“Dad,” Molly asked from the back of our car, “try to guess my two favorite pies.” I thought before answering, given the importance of the subject.

Pumpkin and Wisconsin cherry, I answered, looking at her through the rearview mirror(后视镜). Our Lake Michigan location had given me the idea of my second guess and, I thought, her question. But that was not Molly’s answer. Her expression told me she was confused. But as quickly as the look came, it was replaced by a naughty smile. “OK,” she corrected, “try to guess my three favorite pies.” Molly had changed her rankings(排序), putting her original top two picks to second and third place.

Our brief chat stayed with me. Too often facts around me change, but my mind doesn’t. Unaffected by new information, I function like a navigation (导航) system that has missed a turn but won’t return. Since that summer day, when I sense myself behaving this way, I try to recall the “favorite pie” chat with my daughter and correct my course.

It was a small moment that Molly has probably forgotten, but I never will. Sometimes big lessons come from small moments.

There was a pretty strict system of segregation (种族隔离)in Atlanta. For a long, long time I could not go swimming. until there was a Negro YMCA(黑人基督教青年会). A Negro child in Atlanta could not go to any public park. I could not go to the so-called white schools. In many of the stores downtown, I couldn’t go to a lunch counter to buy a hamburger or a cup of coffee. I could not attend any of the theaters. There were one or two Negro theaters, but they didn’t get any of the main pictures. If they did get them, they got them two or three years later.

I had grown up hating not only segregation but also the cruel acts that grew out of it. I had seen police violence with my own eyes, and watched Negroes receive the most tragic injustice in the courts. I can remember the organization known as the Ku Kux Klan. It stands out white supremacy(至高无上), and it was an organization that in those days even used violent methods to preserve segregation and to keep the Negro in his place. I remember seeing the Klan actually beat Negro. I had passed spots where Negroes had been savagely lynched (用私刑). All of these things did something to my growing personality.

In my late childhood and early adolescence, two incidents happened that had a tremendous effect on my development. The first was the first empty seats at the front of the store. A young white clerk came up and murmured politely:

”I’ll be happy to wait on you if you’ll just move to those seats in the back. “

Dad immediately replied, ”There’s nothing wrong with these seats. We’re quite comfortable here. “

”Sorry, “said the clerk, ”but you’ll have to move. “

”We’ll either buy shoes sitting here, “my father said quickly, ”or we won’t buy shoes at all. "

Therefore he took me by the hand and walked out of the store.

I remember riding with him another day when he accidentally drove past a stop sign.

6 . I was packing lunch for my two children and myself when I suddenly began to doubt my judgement. It was so early in the day, it was still dark outside, and I was making sandwiches. So why was I adding this stress to my life? It’s all because of genetics.

I remember my grandmother telling me how, many years ago, she packed leftovers for my grandfather’s lunch. He loved them but always seemed to come home starving. Finally, after much questioning, he confessed he had been giving away half his lunch to a co-worker who had none of his own. From that day forward, my grandmother always sent extra — just in case.

With five kids in school at the same time, my mom didn’t have time to pack lunches. We ate cafeteria food, which was fine with us. In the world of our elementary school, it was not cool to bring your lunch from home.

There was an exception to the no-pack rule, however. As a punishment, we were forced to bring our own lunch for however many days my mom chose to keep us in the depths of ignorance.

My time in hell came in third grade. I had broken school rules. For four days, my noontime meal consisted of a cheese and mustard sandwich, a bag of chips and one lonely cookie. By Friday my mom relented. And although I still brought my lunch from home, she packed it for me.

That afternoon I opened my lunchbox to find my favorite egg salad sandwich, a nectarine and a whole giant jellyroll with a note taped on top: “Just in case you want to share.”

To my 10-year-old eyes, that jellyroll looked big enough to feed the world. I was in heaven as I offered slice after slice to my friends. It was the best lunch of my life.

7 . Accompanying and supporting a friend, especially when they are in trouble, can be the difference between them moving through a difficult challenge or sinking into a state of hopelessness, social withdrawal and depression.    1    Here are some practical and genuinely helpful things you can do to support a friend through the hard times.

Reach out.

    2    If you’ve noticed your friend has become withdrawn and stopped contacting you or cancelled planned activities, it’s crucial to let them know they’re not alone. Pick up the phone, send them a message on social media, or come to their place and let them know you’re available to chat and you’re concerned about them.    3    Even if it takes a few attempts, most people appreciate knowing that a friend cares about them enough to reach out.

Find a good time to talk.

Choose a time when you’re both feeling reasonably relaxed and don’t have to rush off to other commitments.    4    Avoid trying to talk to them about your concerns during an argument or if they appear upset. It’s important to allow time to bring up your concerns, and leave enough time to discuss anything important that comes up in conversation.

Be a good listener.

It might be tempting (诱人的) to offer your friend advice about how to deal with what they’re experiencing, but the most helpful thing you can do if they choose to open up to you is simply listen.    5    You can ask questions to get a better sense of what they’re feeling, but advice and well-meaning observations are often received as judgement or criticism. Focus on their strengths and coping abilities, and let them know you’re available whenever they need you.

9 . My mother passed away when I was two. Two years later, I got a stepmom, Tina. I________to accept her and I didn’t treat her well. Somewhere inside me a________said, “She can’t take the________of Mom. She’s not my mom; she can’t tell me what to do.”

________I was about twelve, my father gave me a sudden awakening. One day, after I had been terribly ________to Tina, he took me aside and said something like, “Do you think that I’m the one who________your favorite foods, clothes and toys? Do you think that I plan________things like going to the movies, pool, and Kings Island? Well, I don’t. Tina is the one who does all those things. It’s time that you start________her with kindness.”

I was________shocked. Instantly (立刻), my heart was________guilt and shame. A________of thankfulness and love came over me. That day I ________calling her Mommy Tina. By the age of fourteen, I________the Tina and called her Mom.

Now, at age twenty-five, I’m writing this to show my love and________for her. I will always be________for this strong, beautiful woman who was brought into my life.