1 . We often think about relationships on a scale from positive to negative. We are drawn to loving family members, caring classmates and supportive mentors. We do our best to avoid the cruel uncle, the playground bully and the jerk boss.

But the most toxic relationships aren’t the purely negative ones. They’re the ones that are a mix of positive and negative. We often call them frenemies, supposed friends who sometimes help you and sometimes hurt you. But ifs not just friends. It’s the in-laws who volunteer to watch your kids but belittle your parenting. The manager who praises your work but denies you a promotion.

Everyone knows how relationships like that can tie your stomach into a knot. But groundbreaking research led by the psychologists Bert Uchino and Julianne Holt-Lunstad shows that ambivalent (矛盾情绪的) relationships can be damaging to your health — even more than purely negative relationships.

I had assumed that with a neighbor or a colleague, having some positive interactions was better than all negative interactions. But being cheered on by the same person who cuts you down doesn’t reduce the bad feelings; it increases them. And it’s not just in your head: It leaves a trace in your heart and your blood.

Even a single ambivalent interaction can cause harm. In one experiment, people gave impromptu speeches on controversial topics in front of a friend who offered feedback. The researchers had randomly assigned the friend to give ambivalent or negative comments. Receiving mixed feedback caused higher blood pressure than pure criticism. “I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine” proved to be more distressing than “I totally disagree with everything you’ve said.”

The evidence that ambivalent relationships can be bad for us is strong, but the reasons can be harder to read — just like the relationships themselves.

The most intuitive reason is that ambivalent relationships are unpredictable. With a clear enemy, you put up a shield when you cross paths. With a frenemy, you never know whether Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde is going to show up. Feeling unsure can disrupt the body’s calming system and activate a fight-or-flight response. It’s unsettling to hope for a hug while also preparing for a likely quarrel.

Another factor is that unpleasant interactions are more painful in an ambivalent relationship. It’s more upsetting to be let down by people you like sometimes than by people you dislike all the time. When someone stabs you in the back, it stings more if he’s been friendly to your face.

1. Which of the following can be counted as a frenemy?

A．Your neighbour’s kid who advises you to study hard but idles away his own time.

B．Your classmate who admires your diligence at first, but doubts your intelligence later.

C．Your mother’s friend who encourages you to spend more time on homework but less on smart phones.

D．Your father’s colleague who proposes you to do a moderate amount of homework while ensuring adequate sleep.

2. Which of the following statements can be inferred from the passage?

A．Ambivalent relationships have a permanent effect on your well-being.

B．The common cause for high blood pressure is ambivalent relationship.

C．Ambivalent interactions will be more painful if it is done consciously.

D．The negative impact of ambivalent interactions is direct and strong.

3. The underlined word “belittle” in paragraph 2 probably means ______.

A．devalue

B．appreciate

C．respect

D．abuse

4. Which of the following might be the best title for the passage?

A．Some Negative Relationships Are Bad for Your Health

B．Your Most Ambivalent Relationships Are the Most Toxic

C．The Reasons for Ambivalent Relationships Are Unpredictable

D．Some Positive Relationships Are Better than All Negative Ones

2 . As a professional life and relationship coach, Allison Cowan has over 21 years of experience in teaching and supporting others to achieve their goals. She has dedicated her career to helping her clients gain power and awareness in their lives.

As a coach, Allison inspires her clients to overcome obstacles and achieve goals. However, her practice has come with its own share of challenges. Expanding her knowledge to meet diverse client needs has involved lots of trial-and-error searching.

Initially, Allison spent a hard time building strong and trustworthy relationships with her clients. She knew trust was critical to finding and retaining clients but was frustrated at how long the trust-building process takes.

Allison soon learned that there was no single right way to coach. To meet her clients’ different needs, she needed to become more efficient at supporting their diverse learning styles. To overcome her challenges as a coach and offer better service, she began looking for ways to customize her coaching solutions.

During her search, Allison realized Positive Psychology is a field with many different goals. “It covers so many areas, including whatever a client may go through,” she recalled. Later, she began using self-reflection tools to help her clients develop self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. She even discovered a way to help clients without a coaching goal find their purposes. She said, “There’s a lot of blame. The more they stay in blame mode, the more angry they are, and they are not able to move forward with acceptance and forgiveness. But we can find solutions in Positive Psychology.”

Whether Allison was helping clients build self-confidence, understand their attachment styles, or reframe their challenges, she quickly found that she was also learning all the time. By completing the homework Allison assigned to them, her clients were also changing. They were more engaged with their coaching and making more significant progress between their sessions. That made Allison proud. She said, “They grow and move forward at a quicker pace. That’s what coaching is about.”

1. Why is Allison’s initial trouble mentioned in the text?

A．To show her special efforts.	B．To stress her defeated career.
C．To prove the difficulty in coaching.	D．To give the reason for setting goals.

2. What did Allison do to serve her clients better?

A．She used the same coaching ways to teach them.

B．She coached them according to their own needs.

C．She tried her best to change their learning styles.

D．She helped them overcome their challenges in life.

3. What’s Allison’s attitude to Positive Psychology?

A．Doubtful.	B．Unclear.
C．Supportive.	D．Dismissive.

4. What can we learn from the last paragraph?

A．Allison’s clients misunderstood what coaching is about.

B．Allison learned to build self-confidence all the time.

C．Allison’s clients helped her complete homework.

D．Allison and her clients benefited each other.

3 . We’ve all had things to apologize for. Whether on the playground or at the office, intentionally or not, we’ve hurt people. Research shows that apologies benefit us in many ways, which can reduce stress and ease heart rates, as well as boosting relationship well being and cooperation.     1    

Like so many other habits that are good for us, apologies must overcome our own mental barriers. When people know they’ve made a mistake and hurt somebody, they may still remain silent in the face of their wrong doings.     2    

First, the offender (冒犯者) may not be concerned with the relationship, especially if they have little empathy for the other person. The second barrier is the perceived threat to one’s self-image. Some people fear that apologizing will be both humbling and prove that they aren’t a good, moral person.     3     They worry that the offense is too great or that the offended won’t forgive them.

While this too is a possibility, in most cases the opposite is true, because people have a tendency to overestimate the negative consequences of apologizing and underestimate the benefits of apologizing. But once we’ve actually apologized, we both feel better, and it can really have a positive impact.

    4     Sometimes, it’s only the beginning of a settlement, for the other person may need time to forgive, or forgiveness may not come at all. That’s okay, because a true apology doesn’t come with the expectation of forgiveness. It’s not a confession (忏悔) by which you clean your morality by unburdening your mistakes on another.

    5     It says you’re sorry you hurt them, that the relationship is important to you, and that you will do better in the future.

A．Have you ever said sorry to somebody?

B．But then why are apologies so difficult?

C．A true apology is a gift to another person.

D．In some cases, it may take time for the person to forgive and forget.

E．Finally, people may simply underestimate the effectiveness of their apology.

F．But even if you make the apology, don’t think the conflict is over automatically.

G．According to the researchers, there are three mental barriers to explain this silence.

4 . All relationships require work, though it may not always feel like work.     1     Professional relationships require work too. Here are some tips to improve your relationships and get along better with others in both your personal and your professional lives.

Listen to others. The most important skill in communication is the ability to listen to others. Rather than doing all the talking, take time to stop and hear what others have to say.     2    

Be polite and positive. When you are the one speaking, do it in a way that considers others’ feelings and leaves a positive impact. Think about what you want to say before you say it.       3     If you’re responding to someone, say something positive if you agree and offer an encouraging word. Doing this early in your relationship sets a healthy example for future interactions.

Be honest and sincere. Another communication skill is to make sure you speak with honesty and sincerity.     4     When we trust people, we know that “they say what they mean, and they mean what they say. ”

    5     Listen with respect for other people’s experiences. Look for chances to listen to them, even if you disagree with what they are saying. Be open to changing your mind or understanding things in a different way. You may also want to ask for and receive feedback on your own business. A different view provides you with the chance to grow and learn.

A．Keep an open mind.

B．Look for common ground.

C．Avoid interrupting other people.

D．Ask questions that help you understand them more deeply.

E．Don’t be afraid to apologize if you say something unintended.

F．You will build relationships with others when you tell them the truth.

G．That could mean calling a friend, or getting together with your family for the holidays.

6 . Social Masking

Amanda is always an expert at working the room. She would adopt the manner of the people around her to fit in while hiding her true personality. This is social masking, the process of hiding your natural way of interacting with others so you can feel accepted.     1    Instead, they are hoping to fit in with everybody else. Social masking is a set of learned pattern-matching behaviors, movements and actions where you try to be normal to fit in rather than stand out.

    2    People all wear certain social masks in order to get through some tricky life situations with confidence, according to Dr. Tara Quinn-Cirillo. And some experts even think social masking is built in all human beings at a physical level, adding that something in our brain gives indications of how to essentially stay safe and not stick out.

In a world that often tells us to just be ourselves, you might wonder why we are still dependent on these social masking behaviors. “Social masking happens because we as a species want to be included,” says Tara. “It has been a tribal thing of being together rather than being on our own, from a historical perspective.     3    ”

There is a huge difference between naturally identifying with someone and consciously social masking.    4    Social masking, on the other hand, involves a conscious effort to change your personality to suit your surroundings. It typically involves depressing your natural urges and changing your personal interests to fit the crowd.

A．Social maskers do not try hard to match other people in pace and tone.

B．Social masking is something we all engage in to some extent.

C．Social maskers are not trying to fox anyone.

D．When we are in natural identification with someone, it happens naturally, and there is very little effort involved.

E．It’s adopted by people unable to naturally act in a way considered socially acceptable.

F．That is, it’s an ancient part of our evolution to socialize, rather than be anti-social or a misfit.

7 . Go on a 15-minute Tour

Didn’t someone say that life is about the journey, not the destination?     1     when you are focused only on getting to the next meeting, starting your next class period, or hurrying to send an email, you’re missing all of the people between Points A and B.

To commit some time to the journey, take some time to walk around where you work and notice your surroundings.     2     Also, some of the smaller yet critical social clues that exist right under your nose will be concentrated on again.

    3     Things to look for include the look and feel of people’s work spaces, the timing of when different people move around the office, and which people seek interaction versus those who stay at their desks all day.

After your first observation tour, select a different day to tour your workspace for moods. Other people’s moods can provide you with critical clues about how things are going.     4     Focus on what you see, hear, and pick up on in other people.

Schedule 15 minutes to tour your workplace twice a week for a month and be sure to avoid making too many assumptions or conclusions — just simply observe.     5    

A．You’ll be amazed at what you see along the way.

B．Spare a little time to closely monitor each person’s progress.

C．Notice what people may be feeling when you drop by to talk briefly.

D．During any workday, take just 15 minutes to observe neglected things.

E．You generally love the breathtaking landscape and people’s performances.

F．Going on a short tour will help you get in tune with other people and their emotions.

G．To become socially aware, remember to enjoy the journey and notice people along the way.

8 . Your neighbors are probably the first line of defense in case of any problematic situation.     1     It gives you an assurance that you have people close by looking out for you. Here are easily applicable tips on creating stronger neighbor relationships.

The first step is introducing yourself when you move to a new neighborhood or when a newcomer moves in. Leave them a note under their door to introduce yourself.     2     It doesn’t have to cost you a fortune and opting for a potted plant or baked biscuits will do. These actions present excellent opportunities to connect with them.

Be respectful of your neighbors. It’s in poor taste to have regular insensitive parties at your place causing disturbances. Before your party, it’s good practice to notify your neighbors. Besides, avoid chatting them up for hours on end, which may be inconvenient, especially if you don’t know their schedules.     3     When you borrow anything, return it in due time. If you accidentally break their things, replace them without being asked to.

    4     You could offer to babysit your neighbors’ kids, help with snow removals or even keep an eye on their home when they’re away. Such acts of reaching out to your neighbors make for stronger relationships.

As Emma Seppälä put it, “social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop (圈) of social, emotional and physical well-being.” It feels so easy to just stay home without having to engage with your neighbors but connecting with them is worth the effort.     5    

A．Remember every small gesture counts.

B．A crisis is a test of communication skills.

C．It can actually boost your mood in the long run.

D．Slipping it in their mailbox further solidifies friendship.

E．It’s essential to ensure you maintain decent relationships with them.

F．Alternatively, you can give them a gift while making yourself known to them.

G．Only by establishing healthy boundaries will you achieve peaceful coexistence.

9 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

A．Learn to set healthy boundaries.

B．Don’t mix up your boundaries with others’.

C．Who are the people that you feel the need to please?

D．Spend some time learning to love yourself for who you are.

E．So why bother trying to please everyone if it isn’t possible?

F．But saying “no” is the best way to take care of your own needs.

G．That is why the more you seek security, the less of it you have.

10 . Saying “thank you” when you receive an unexpected gift is all well and good, but how can you get a little creative with your appreciation? As it turns out, there are plenty of ways to express your gratitude to others while remaining gracious and sincere.     1    . We’ll show you how to say thank you in exciting and meaningful ways!

I appreciate this.     2    . A great “thank you” involves expressing appreciation for the gift and explaining why you’re grateful. For added value, you can even describe what you’ll do with their gifts if you have an idea.

You’ve made my day! Show them that their gifts turned your day around. Telling someone that they made your day will make the giver feel that their gifts are much more meaningful and worthwhile.     3     .

It’s like you read my mind! Thank you. Compliment (恭维) their gift-giving skills.     4     , it can be likely that they really know you and are anticipating your needs without having to ask you what you want! Show them how touched you are by letting them know that their gifts are exactly what you want.

    5    . Show them how surprised you are. If someone goes out of their way to give you an unexpected gift, make sure they know they succeeded in their mission to surprise and delight you. Say “thanks” and express your shock at the same time. For example, you should have seen me; my eyes almost popped out of my head! Thank you for the lovely surprise.

A．I’m extremely astonished

B．When someone gives you a gift

C．If people choose to spend time with you

D．It is impolite of you to say those words

E．You may receive gifts from others in daily life

F．Be specific about what you appreciate and why

G．They’ll be pleased that they were able to make you smile