1 . Initial conversations can have a huge impact on how relationships develop over time. People are often stuck in the impressions they think they might have made the minute they finish speaking with someone for the first time: “Did they like me or were they just being polite?” “Were they deep in thought or deeply bored?”

To find out whether these worries are necessary, we have conducted nearly 10 years of research. In our studies, participants in the UK talked with someone they had never met before. Afterward, they were asked how much they liked their conversation partner and how much they believed that their conversation partner liked them. This allowed us to compare how much people believed they were liked to how much they were actually liked.

Time and time again, we found that people left their conversations with negative feelings about the impression they made. That is, people systematically underestimate how much their conversation partners like them and enjoy their company — a false belief we call the “liking gap”.

This bias (偏见) may seem like something that would occur only in initial interactions, but its effects extend far beyond a first impression. Surprisingly, the liking gap can constantly affect a variety of relationships, including interactions with coworkers, long after the initial conversations have taken place. Having a larger liking gap is associated with being less willing to ask workmates for help, less willing to provide workmates with open and honest feedback, and less willing to work on another project together.

There are numerous strategies to minimize your biased feelings. One place to start is shifting your focus of attention. Try to direct your attention to your conversation partner, be genuinely curious about them, ask them more questions, and really listen to their answers. The more you’re zeroed in on the other person, and the less you’re focused on yourself, the better your conversation will be and the less your mind will turn to all the things you think you didn’t do well.

2 . Your manager stops you and says she needs to have a word about your performance in the recent project. She begins by praising you for the good work you’ve done on the project, and you wonder if this is the praise that starts off the typical “feedback sandwich”.     1     Say something nice, say what you really want to say, say something nice again.

However, when feedback becomes such a routine, employees can start to perceive positive feedback as simply a form of sugarcoating the negatives, thus decreasing its value. Instead, positive feedback should not simply be seen as something to cushion the negative.     2     Below are three tips to help you make positive feedback count.

    3     When positive and negative feedback always appear to go hand in hand, the positives can become devalued and ignored. Ensure there are times when positive feedback is given for its own sake and resist the temptation to offer constructive criticism.

Cultivate a “growth mindset”. Many of us tend to focus our praise on the end result and seeming inborn talents. For example,     4     However, research suggests that by focusing on the process of box things are done, we can encourage the development of new skills and the continued enhancement of talents.

Create a culture of offering positive feedback. Make giving positive feedback part of your team culture. Don’t just wait for special moments to give feedback. Offer informal positive feedback when making small talk.     5     Encourage peer feedback among team members and colleagues and actively ask them for positive comments on each other’s performances on tasks.

4 . Only about 20% of U.S.adults say they have a best friend at work.Should the other 80% start looking for one?Yes and no.    1     ,says psychologist Catherine Heaney. That support can come from a coworker who has become a close friend,but it doesn’t have to;interactions with managers and friendly acquaintances can also boost your well-being, Heaney notes.

    2    : having friends in the workplace can improve wellness.It’s linked to a lower risk of burnout,better mental health,and maybe even a longer lifespan.Meanwhile,research is equally clear that loneliness is bad for your health.    3     , given its links to various health problems.

But if becoming best friends with your coworkers feels too daunting (使人气馁的),or just not your style,you can still benefit from social support.When most people hear “social support”,they think of emotional support,like venting (发泄) to a coworker over coffee, Heaney says.    4     :when someone steps in to help you on a busy day,for instance,or shares advice.Even relatively minor interactions,like a manager allowing you to leave early to pick up your sick child,can buffer (缓解) the negative effects of stress, Heaney explains.    5    —although it is great if you do—but rather to promote “a sense of being in the right place” by becoming part of a community.

6 . If you identify as a people-pleaser, you might feel like it’s impossible to change. Well-meaning friends can try to encourage you to just be yourself, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t shake that urge to keep everyone happy.     1    

    2     To be able to tell the difference, you should look at the amount of tension you feel. For example, when you see a friend finish his water and you refill his cup, that can come out of normal sensitivity to other people’s needs if you feel relaxed when you do it. But if you notice a sense of pressure, like something bad will happen if you don’t refill their drink, then you’re operating from anxiety and fear.

Lots of times, people who try to please other people are extremely quick to react in social settings. They know what to say right away and they move into care taking immediately.     4     One subtle but powerful technique to change your habit is to deliberately delay your reactions, connect with yourself and then try to have the interaction out of an authentic part of yourself.

As you slowly start to become aware of your needs and even state them out loud, it can bring in some essential changes in your relationships. You might realize that as you mature, some friendships are not as rewarding or even as equal as you would like them to be.     5     If you have an emotionally immature friend, it’s up to you to decide if you want to leave the friendship or use that relationship as an opportunity for mutual growth, if the other person also seems interested in changing.

7 . PEER PRESSURE

Have you ever been forced to do anything? Have you ever felt that you are in a tight corner because of someone’s comment?     1     Peer pressure is the influence a social group has on him or her.

    2     We all want to be part of a group and feel like we belong to our community. Peer pressure can happen when we are influenced to do something that we would not usually do because we want to be accepted by our peers. Children and young adults feel social pressure to be in line with the peer group.

Peer pressure can influence how people dress, how they talk, what music they listen to, what attitudes they adopt and how they behave. Teenagers want to be liked, to fit in and to be accepted.     3     People who are low in confidence and unsure of themselves may be more likely to seek their peers’ approval by going along with risky suggestions or choosing the “wrong” path.

Students can do a lot to avoid peer pressure. The most important thing is to build up self-confidence, so that it is easier to say “no” to the peer group.     4     It’s a good idea for teens to surround themselves with positive role models—people who don’t make fun of them, but accept them and are confident themselves. It’s also important for young people to think about the consequences of their actions.     5     If they stop and think about the consequences, they might make a different decision.

9 . “Individuals of all ages who have empathy (共情) understand that sometimes telling little white lies can protect other people from getting hurt,” says Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist in Connecticut. “Most people that I have come across tell these little white lies because they understand that 100 percent honesty all the time is not beneficial.” A white lie, she explains, spares people from unnecessary hurt.

At the same time, Dr. Julia Breur, a marriage and family therapist in Florida, emphasizes the importance of paying attention to the way we respond to someone. The fact is that not telling the truth can result in something unpleasant on you; it’s not just about the person the white lie is being told to. For example, she says someone who always tells others that “all is good” when it comes to a sick parent in an effort to avoid discussions about how serious their health issue really is, can eventually face stressful experiences. When that parent eventually passes away, the person who always gave an “all is good” response ends up emotionally broken.

Sometimes, telling white lies often depends on the situation, Dr. Breur says. For example, consider a woman who has not seen her mother for several months. The daughter has gained noticeable weight, yet the mother responds by excitedly declaring that she looks great. “I emphasize during psychotherapy sessions with my patients that context helps define meaning,” Dr. Breur says. “So when we look at the context of a mother saying you look great when she clearly sees that her daughter has gained weight, it can be acceptable. It reflects the intention of the white lie which is kindness, protection and unconditional love. Otherwise, white lies — especially when told to avoid personal accountability — can start a cycle of mistrust between people, ultimately compromising integrity,” she adds.

Therefore, it’s important to ask ourselves when it is and isn’t appropriate to deliver the honest truth, and when it’s best to step back and offer a more delicate response. More often than not, it’s about finding a balance between the two.

10 . Bad judgments are meant to feed our own personal ego (自我意识) and put others down, which is not the healthiest thing to do. Here are five reasons why you should stop it now.

You start finding faults in everyone. Judging quickly moves on to more private areas of your life.     1     You fail to appreciate them and start getting dissatisfied with them. You become critical of even those who matter to you.

Judging becomes a habit. If you judge people, sooner or later, it becomes a habit, and you start judging everyone around you for the tiniest of things.     2     And you might dismiss even the best of people through these microscopic judgments.

People begin to distrust you. If you pass judgments about other people in front of your audience, you will lose their trust. As they will begin to feel that if you can judge others in front of them, you can talk about them behind their back.     3    

Judgment is a sign of unhappiness. If you are 100% happy with who you are, you are a lot less likely to feel the need to judge others. If you are self-assured, you will not feel the need to cast a downward glance at others.     4     Either way, it is a negative attitude.

    5     If you’re judging others, you’re probably judging yourself pretty harshly as well. You often tend to think that if you are judging people by what they wear, someone might in turn judge you, which, as a consequence, makes you extremely concerned with your appearance.