When kids melt down in the middle of a crowded store or at a holiday dinner with extended family, it can be extremely frustrating. But parents can help kids learn self-control and teach them how to respond without just acting on impulse (冲动).

Teaching self-control is one of the most important things that parents can do for their kids because these skills are some of the most important for success later in life. By learning self-control, kids can make appropriate decisions and respond to stressful situations in ways that can yield positive outcomes. For example, if you say that you’re not serving ice cream until after dinner, your child may cry, plead, or even scream in the hopes that you will give in. But with self-control, your child can understand that a temper tantrum (发脾气) means you’ll take away the ice cream for good and that it’s wiser to wait patiently.

Difficult as it may be, resist the urge to yell when you’re disciplining your kids. Instead, be persistent and matter of fact. During a child’s meltdown, stay calm and explain that yelling, throwing a tantrum, and slamming doors are unacceptable behaviors that have consequences. Your actions will show that tantrums won’t get kids the upper hand. For example, if your child gets, upset in the grocery store after you’ve explained why you won’t buy candy, don’t give in – thus demonstrating that the tantrum was both unacceptable and ineffective. Also, consider speaking to your child’s teachers about classroom settings and appropriate behavior expectations. Ask if problem-solving is taught or demonstrated in school.

And model good self-control yourself. If you’re in an annoyed situation in front of your kids, tell them why you’re frustrated and then discuss potential solutions to the problem. For example, if you’ve misplaced your keys, instead of getting upset, tell your kids the keys are missing and then search for them together. If they don’t turn up, take the next constructive step. Show that good emotional control and problem solving are the ways to deal with a difficult situation.

Human brains are social organs — they’re neurobiologically (神经生物) wired for connection. But just as our students’ brains can be unfavorably affected by negative mentality and misfortunes, so can their parents’ brains, affecting relationships with teachers.

What feels hurtful from a parent could be a worn-out brain, one that is trying to survive and so is defending itself and paying close attention to experiences or relationships that may feel terrifying or unsafe.

There are times when we may feel harmed by a parent, and we too can fire off sharp words if we re feeling misunderstood and angry. We may also unintentionally increase a conflict while moving farther away from cooperation and solutions. A poorly regulated educator cannot help a poorly regulated parent.

I myself have been blamed for my son’s upsetting behaviors when he was struggling emotionally. Eleven years ago, when Andrew became a newcomer in high school, the anxiety and anger masking the fear he felt almost destroyed our family. We felt helpless and often hopeless.

In the middle of this scary time, I received an email from Andrew’s Spanish teacher.

I wanted you to know that Andrew finished his project today and had a smile on his face. I just wanted to share that with you.

Please let me know how I may serve you in the days to come.

Mr: Pickett

This email changed everything for me as a mom and as an educator. It helped our family experience a bit of hope and inspiration. Andrew worked hard for Mr. Pickett that term and ended with an A. He failed most of his other classes, but because of the connection this teacher created with Andrew, he felt heard, seen, and appreciated.

One thing I’ve learned is that I must regulate my own brain state before I interact with parents. Mr. Pickett’s effort to foster a positive relationship with my family and my son has shown me a way to support both students and their parents.

Do you listen? Do you really listen? Is there more to listening than just hearing?

Listening is, by far, one of the most important aspects of communication. So often, you pay attention to your way of speaking, your _________ , your dialect, but neglect your ability to listen.

It is my _________ that people scream out or change the intended purposes of much of what they hear. Too often, we consider listening the _________ part of conversation, although it requires our focus, purpose, and active participation.

Listening means to give ear to, to pay attention to, to _________ , to witness, to hear with thoughtful _________ , or to understand.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood. The only way to understand is to _________ .

Learn to be an active listener. Give off positive body language._________ a willingness to socialize. Ask the right questions. Boost your _________ so that you can understand more and achieve effective listening.

Listening means we should respond, that we should be touched, that what we hear has a(n)_________ on us. I believe that history __________ itself only because no one listens the first time.

You were given two ears, but only one mouth, which is a gentle hint that we should listen more, because God knew that listening was twice as __________ as talking. Listening is the key building block in effective communications. Good listening skills are crucial, as listening is the fundamental __________ of all information.

Isn’t now the time to give the gift of listening to those about you? Given them your __________ attention. Use your God given __________ to become a better listener. For me, I’m going to put into __________ what I believe in my heart and become a better listener.