2 . It’s a great feeling when someone gives you a compliment (赞美), isn’t it?    1    When you compliment someone, he/she will become open and begin to talk with you. How do you give an appropriate compliment, though? It’s important to be sincere and specific about your praise.

When someone does an activity or a task particularly well, let him/her know about it by saying “You did a great job!”     2     For example, “That was a great presentation! I particularly liked the funny examples you used.”

    3    You can use “I like” or “I love” to start compliments, especially if someone wears a new coat or has a new haircut. For example, “I love your hair today” or “I like your skirt”.

When you’ve bought something new, it feels great when other people are excited about it. For example, if you take out your new mobile phone and a colleague says, “What a cool phone!”, it makes you feel like you made the right decision to buy it.

    4    

Compliment someone on their personalities and you'll make a new friend. For example, if you like how happy a coworker is, you can tell him/her, “You are always so happy. It makes my day better.”    5     If you like how organized another colleague is, tell him/her, “I really appreciate how organized you are. I would love to be as organized as you.”

6 . For 85 years, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has tracked an original group of 724 men and more than 1,300 of their male and female descendants (后代) over three generations, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy.

Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its bond to physical health, mental health and longevity: good relationships.

In 2008, researchers telephoned the wives and husbands of Harvard Study couples in their 80s every night for eight nights. Researchers spoke to each partner separately and asked them a series of questions about their days.

On days when these men and women spent more time in the company of others, they were happier. Like most older people, those in the Harvard Study experienced day-to-day rises and falls in their levels of physical pain and health difficulties. But researchers found that the people who were in more satisfying relationships were cushioned (缓冲) somewhat from these ups and downs of mood—their happiness did not decline as much on the days when they had more pain. Simply put, their happy marriages seemed to have a protective effect.

Elizabeth Gillespie, a therapist of couples, stated that although most of us found that our experience of relationships might be hard, and at times, impossible, it is essential to our well-being.

Today we live in much more complicated environments, so meeting our social needs presents different challenges. We might be sitting on a gold mine of vitality that we are not paying attention to, because it is hidden by the shiny appeal of smartphones or pushed to the side by work demands.

8 . It is so easy to just go home and shut your door without getting to know your neighbors. But being an active neighbor will turn your living place into a kinder and more caring neighborhood.

    1    . You don’t have to show up with a fresh apple pie or anything like that. It’s truly as simple as saying hello, introducing yourself and asking a few open-ended questions. But they are the first step to becoming a kind neighbor.

Then get out of your comfort zone and make efforts to know more about your neighbors.     2    . And if you feel comfortable, let them know that you’re there to help, if they ever need another hand.

Another way to show your neighbors that you care is by making your small acts of kindness a regular practice. This can be cleaning up the litter or even cleaning up after the pets have made a mess on your block.     3    , you can ask your partner or kids to pick a bunch of flowers from the garden to give your new neighbor.     4    .

Remind yourself that being connected feels good and boosts your mood in the long run. If you take the first step, your small acts of kindness can encourage others to pay that kindness forward.     5    . Challenging as they are, reaching out to your neighbors is worth the efforts.

9 . Apologizing for a mistake might seem difficult, but it will help you repair and improve your relationships with others after that offense (冒犯).

Acknowledge the offense. This is an essential element of a good apology.     1    Apologies are most likely to be well-received if you show that you recognize who was responsible and who was harmed. For example, saying “I made a mistake” is more effective than saying“mistakes were made”, which fails to clarify responsibility.

    2    In some cases, it’s helpful to explain an offense, especially to explain that it was not intentional and that it will not happen again. But explanations that are long-winded, sound like excuses, or blame the victim (e. g. You were really getting on my nerves.) tend to have an opposite effect.

Express regret.    3     Expressing these feelings communicates that you recognize and regret the suffering you caused. Be careful of phrases like “That was uncharacteristic of me.”     4     Instead, acknowledge your disappointment in yourself and your commitment to improve.

Tell them how you’ll change. Let them know how you’ll change and what you’d do to make that possible. For instance, if you’ve been late once again, instead of just apologizing, share how you’d keep an early alarm to be on time!     5    

10 . We’ve all been in a position where life gets busy, schedules are difficult to coordinate and connecting with friends feels harder than ever. With some friendships, we may lose touch and want to reconnect. However，the more time that passes, the more uncertain it can feel if they want to hear from us.

A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says it’s time to reach out. Researchers found numerous benefits when reaching out to friends and old acquaintances. Especially if you’re unsure of how well they’ll receive hearing from you. The study, led by Dr Peggy Liu, is called The Surprise of Reaching Out: Appreciated More Than We Think. In the study, researchers posed the question: Do people accurately understand how much other people value being reached out to by someone in their social circle? To answer this question, researchers carried out 13 experiments with more than 5,900 participants. In the experiments, researchers measured how much people estimated their friends or acquaintances would appreciate them reaching out versus how much those on the receiving end did appreciate it. They also examined different forms of communication-phone calls, texts, emails, notes or even small gifts—and their impact.

Over the series of experiments, experts discovered a similar trend: those reaching out significantly underestimated how much their friends would appreciate hearing from them. Plus, the more unexpected the communication was, the more the friend on the receiving end appreciated it. “People are fundamentally social beings and enjoy connecting with others,” the researchers wrote.

In fact, what made these moments of reaching out so impactful was the effort they showed—no matter the form of communication. Dr Amie Gordon, a social psychologist at the University of Michigan, emphasises the importance of small moments and making efforts in relationships in a Psychology Today article. “In a busy life, these little moments might feel just like that—little moments that don’t really matter ... But each moment we ignore is a missed opportunity to connect and build up an emotional bank of positive moments.”

The science is clear—people appreciate the effort we put into our friendships. And we greatly underestimate it. One phenomenon that may explain why those who reached out underestimated their positive impact is because of “the liking gap”. Psychologist Terri Apter writes in Psychology Today that the liking gap is a tendency to “how we often underestimate other’s responses to us”, and the reality that other people like us more than we may think.