2 . When communicating with others, we often focus on what we should say.     1     Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to convey. The following are tips for becoming an active listener.

Focus fully on the speaker. You can’t listen in an active way if you’re constantly checking your phone.     2     You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to pick up the important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head-it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Display your interest in what’s being said by using body language. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting.     3    

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns by saying something like, “you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.”     4     You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

    5     In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgement and hold back blame and criticism in order to fully understand them. The most difficult communication, when successfully performed, can often lead to an unlikely connection with someone.

4 . As our lives become more closely connected with the digital age, it’s more important than ever to keep the spark of human connections, a key part of which is making small talk.     1     Here’s how to master the art of small talk.

The cornerstone of effective small talk lies in developing genuine interest. Genuine interest is about actively seeking to understand the other person, valuing their perspectives and appreciating the uniqueness they bring to the conversation.     2    

Small talk extends beyond spoken words; it includes the art of observation. As you engage in conversation, pay attention to the speaker’s body language, facial expressions and tone of voice.     3     Being familiar with them not only helps you navigate the conversation with sensitivity but also enables you to establish a deeper connection by respecting the slight differences of the other person’s communication style.

Actually listening and connecting with someone is essential for a conversation. By providing your undivided attention, you convey respect and interest in what the other person has to say.     4     Ask follow-up questions to show that you value their insights. This depth of engagement lays the foundation for a more meaningful connection.

At the heart of successful small talk lies the authenticity (真实性) of your engagement. Authenticity fosters a sense of trust and connection, making the conversation more meaningful and memorable. Avoid the temptation to project an image or use scripted responses.     5     In the world of small talk, authenticity is the key that unlocks the door to deeper connections and more fulfilling interactions.

7 . What do you do when you receive an invitation to an event that you do not want to attend or that you cannot attend due to your busy schedule? In that case, we simply can’t act on everything our heart feels.     1     Here are some right ways to decline (拒绝) an invitation without hurting others’ feelings.

Respond in a timely manner.

    2     It’s OK to put off responding if you’re unsure at first, but give yourself a deadline to figure it out — and stick to it. Always respond to invitations in a timely manner.

    3    

It’s OK to say you’re sorry that you can’t make an event, but it’s better to redefine it as a positive. Rather than apologizing, say how happy you are that they invited you and that while you can’t make it this time, you look forward to getting together with them in the future.

Don’t say “maybe”.

Procrastinating (拖延) by saying “maybe” usually means it’s a no.     4     Saying “maybe” is a way of making yourself feel better, but it leaves the other person hanging, which is unkind.

Don’t try to control the other person’s feelings.

There’s the assumption that we can decline without hurting anyone else’s feelings, but we can’t ensure the other person’s experience. They may feel sad or disappointed when you decline,. but that’s OK.     5    

Mrs. Brown had a small garden behind her house, and in the spring she     1     some vegetables in it. She looked after them very     2    , and when the summer came, they looked very nice. One evening Mrs. Brown looked at her     3     and said to her son, “Tomorrow we are going to pick them.”

But early the next morning, her son ran into the kitchen and     4    , “Mother! Come quickly! Our neighbor’s     5     are in the garden and they are     6     our vegetables!”

Mrs. Brown ran out, but it was too     7    ! All the vegetables were finished! Her neighbor was very     8    , but that was the end of the vegetables.

Then a few days     9     Christmas, the neighbor brought Mrs. Brown a large box. In it was a beautiful, fat duck, and on it was a piece of paper with the     10    , “Enjoy your vegetables!”

9 . Feel exhausted after a party? Rather see one close friend than a group of acquaintances? Enjoy your own company? In our world, that makes you an introvert (内向的人). However, there’s another possible explanation — vertical attachment. If you are closer to your parents and family members than to your peers, you are vertically attached, which means you rely more on family for comfort.

If you are closer to your peers, then you are peer attached. We live in a peer-oriented world. We believe that having lots of friends means that we are well-adjusted. We put our kids in playgroups and daycare for peer interaction. We expect teenagers to want to hang out with their friends, thinking it is the natural way of things.

Result? Generations often feel worlds apart. We use different language, dress, and technology apps. Even if multiple generations are invited to the same party, the kids go to the basement playroom while the parents stay upstairs.

Vertically-attached individuals can feel out of place in this context, demonstrating the traces of introversion. Will they be exhausted after a party with same-aged acquaintances? Absolutely. Would they rather spend time with one close friend? Sure. Do they enjoy alone time? Yes, more than they enjoy time fitting in with peers.

It’s normal that many people need alone time to recharge. However, vertically-attached people often label themselves as introverted. They feel insecure that others have more friends and live richer lives. They claim that their family attachments arise from their loved ones being stuck with them.

If you feel these insecurities, know that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not missing out on anything. Your attachment style is just different from the culture where you live. Have confidence in the strength of the relationships you have, whether it is with a mom who feels more like a best friend, or a grandmother with whom you can share anything. They are meaningful, enriching relationships, even if they look different from the cultural norm.

10 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5