1 . Your manager stops you and says she needs to have a word about your performance in the recent project. She begins by praising you for the good work you’ve done on the project, and you wonder if this is the praise that starts off the typical “feedback sandwich”.     1     Say something nice, say what you really want to say, say something nice again.

However, when feedback becomes such a routine, employees can start to perceive positive feedback as simply a form of sugarcoating the negatives, thus decreasing its value. Instead, positive feedback should not simply be seen as something to cushion the negative.     2     Below are three tips to help you make positive feedback count.

    3     When positive and negative feedback always appear to go hand in hand, the positives can become devalued and ignored. Ensure there are times when positive feedback is given for its own sake and resist the temptation to offer constructive criticism.

Cultivate a “growth mindset”. Many of us tend to focus our praise on the end result and seeming inborn talents. For example,     4     However, research suggests that by focusing on the process of box things are done, we can encourage the development of new skills and the continued enhancement of talents.

Create a culture of offering positive feedback. Make giving positive feedback part of your team culture. Don’t just wait for special moments to give feedback. Offer informal positive feedback when making small talk.     5     Encourage peer feedback among team members and colleagues and actively ask them for positive comments on each other’s performances on tasks.

2 . If you identify as a people-pleaser, you might feel like it’s impossible to change. Well-meaning friends can try to encourage you to just be yourself, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t shake that urge to keep everyone happy.     1    

    2     To be able to tell the difference, you should look at the amount of tension you feel. For example, when you see a friend finish his water and you refill his cup, that can come out of normal sensitivity to other people’s needs if you feel relaxed when you do it. But if you notice a sense of pressure, like something bad will happen if you don’t refill their drink, then you’re operating from anxiety and fear.

Lots of times, people who try to please other people are extremely quick to react in social settings. They know what to say right away and they move into care taking immediately.     4     One subtle but powerful technique to change your habit is to deliberately delay your reactions, connect with yourself and then try to have the interaction out of an authentic part of yourself.

As you slowly start to become aware of your needs and even state them out loud, it can bring in some essential changes in your relationships. You might realize that as you mature, some friendships are not as rewarding or even as equal as you would like them to be.     5     If you have an emotionally immature friend, it’s up to you to decide if you want to leave the friendship or use that relationship as an opportunity for mutual growth, if the other person also seems interested in changing.

4 . Someone with strong communication skills can build positive relationships and resolve conflicts(冲突). This guide can teach you the basics.

    1    

When you’re having a serious conversation, the last thing you want is to be interrupted(打扰)by a phone call. So turn your phone on Do Not Disturb. If you have a radio or television in your office, turn it off.

Be clear when speaking.

Be clear about your goal so your message can be understood in a way that every listener can understand.    2     Similarly, be sure to express clearly to avoid any kind of misunderstanding. Organizing your words in advance is helpful. You should speak at a volume(音量)level that is guaranteed to be heard as well.

Change your tone of voice to draw attention.

Dull and unchanged voices may not always be pleasing to the ear. So good communicators use vocal color to stress their message. Yale University recommend you some tips. Raise the volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another.     3     Speak briefly but pause to emphasize key words when requesting action.

Keep eye contact.

    4     During a conversation or presentation, maintain eye contact for as long as it feels natural. Generally, you’ll want to aim for 2 to 4 seconds at a time. Remember to take in all of your audience. If you’re addressing at boardroom, look each member in the eye.     5    

5 . Bad judgments are meant to feed our own personal ego (自我意识) and put others down, which is not the healthiest thing to do. Here are five reasons why you should stop it now.

You start finding faults in everyone. Judging quickly moves on to more private areas of your life.     1     You fail to appreciate them and start getting dissatisfied with them. You become critical of even those who matter to you.

Judging becomes a habit. If you judge people, sooner or later, it becomes a habit, and you start judging everyone around you for the tiniest of things.     2     And you might dismiss even the best of people through these microscopic judgments.

People begin to distrust you. If you pass judgments about other people in front of your audience, you will lose their trust. As they will begin to feel that if you can judge others in front of them, you can talk about them behind their back.     3    

Judgment is a sign of unhappiness. If you are 100% happy with who you are, you are a lot less likely to feel the need to judge others. If you are self-assured, you will not feel the need to cast a downward glance at others.     4     Either way, it is a negative attitude.

    5     If you’re judging others, you’re probably judging yourself pretty harshly as well. You often tend to think that if you are judging people by what they wear, someone might in turn judge you, which, as a consequence, makes you extremely concerned with your appearance.

7 . When Eugenie George first heard that her friend passed an exam, her heart sank. She’d failed that test weeks earlier, and needed more work to advance her own career. But instead of anxiety, she called her friend. “I congratulated her and told her she inspired me,” she says. She was surprised when it changed her attitude, so she could share her friend’s happiness and experience her own, in turn.

Finding pleasure in another person’s good fortune is what social scientists call freudenfreude, a term that describes the joy we feel when someone else succeeds, even if it isn’t directly connected with us. Freudenfreude is like social glue, says Catherine Chambliss, a professor of psychology at Ursinus College in Pennsylvania. It makes relationships “closer and more enjoyable”. Sharing in someone else’s joy can also improve life satisfaction and resilience(适应力) and help people cooperate during a disagreement.

While the benefits of freudenfreude are plentiful, it doesn’t always come easily. Sometimes, your loss might last, making freudenfreude feel out of reach. If you were raised in a family that paired winning with self-worth, Chambliss says, you might misread someone else’s victory as your own personal shortcoming. And factors such as mental health and overall wellbeing(幸福) can also affect your ability to participate in someone else’s joy. Still, freudenfreude is worthwhile and there are ways to encourage the feeling.

Instead of an automatic response, freudenfreude is often an active process. To help people strengthen joy-sharing muscles, Chambliss and her colleagues developed a programme called FreudenfreudeEnhancement Training (FET). They found that depressed people who used the practices for two weeks had an easier time expressing freudenfreude, which built up their relationships and improved their mood.

Jean Grae, an artist, supports friends in this mindset. When someone gets a new opportunity or reaches a milestone, she makes sure to celebrate. Grae says she’s especially moved when anyone considered ‘other’ succeeds. “It’s truly inspirational,” she says, “because it lifts us all up and makes us shine.”

9 . How To Stop Bein g A People Pleaser

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent much of my life keeping others happy. Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes. However, I’ve become a happier person as a result. Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.

Identify your priorities. Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.     1     Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.

Just say “no”. One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others.     2     If you are a people pleaser, you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you. The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings. It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.

    3     Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships. All healthy relationships have their own boundaries. If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships, the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Accept yourself. Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.     4     Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s the Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.

Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.     5    

10 . Not everyone is a people person, and making other people feel comfortable in your company doesn’t come naturally to all of us. Still, a good atmosphere is more than desirable not only on social occasions but also at the workplace. Perfecting cross-cultural communication at the workplace is easier than you think.     1    

Maintain etiquette (礼节). When preparing for a business meeting with international colleagues, find out something about their business etiquette, so you could follow its rules and avoid misunderstandings and embarrassing situations. For example, if you’re doing business with Italians, do your best to look presentable, since dressing well in their culture is a sign of success.     2     This number is considered to bring bad luck.

Speak slowly and clearly. Even if your international colleagues are fluent in the language you’re using, try to express your words more carefully.     3     In the same fashion, avoid using long sentences and give your colleagues a chance to digest what you’ve said by making short breaks.

Avoid closed questions. When interacting with your international colleagues, avoid asking them the Yes/No questions.     4     So you’ll probably always get a “Yes” as an answer, even if your conversational partner doesn’t mean it. In contrast, by asking open-ended questions, you’re encouraging your colleagues to be more creative and offer solutions you might not have predicted.

    5     For intercultural communication to be effective, all team members need to feel comfortable. So, treat your colleagues with respect, communicate clearly, and encourage them when needed. Especially in a remote work environment, it’s important that your team feels connected.