1 . When communicating with others, we often focus on what we should say.     1     Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to convey. The following are tips for becoming an active listener.

Focus fully on the speaker. You can’t listen in an active way if you’re constantly checking your phone.     2     You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to pick up the important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head-it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Display your interest in what’s being said by using body language. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting.     3    

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns by saying something like, “you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.”     4     You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

    5     In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgement and hold back blame and criticism in order to fully understand them. The most difficult communication, when successfully performed, can often lead to an unlikely connection with someone.

Mrs. Brown had a small garden behind her house, and in the spring she     1     some vegetables in it. She looked after them very     2    , and when the summer came, they looked very nice. One evening Mrs. Brown looked at her     3     and said to her son, “Tomorrow we are going to pick them.”

But early the next morning, her son ran into the kitchen and     4    , “Mother! Come quickly! Our neighbor’s     5     are in the garden and they are     6     our vegetables!”

Mrs. Brown ran out, but it was too     7    ! All the vegetables were finished! Her neighbor was very     8    , but that was the end of the vegetables.

Then a few days     9     Christmas, the neighbor brought Mrs. Brown a large box. In it was a beautiful, fat duck, and on it was a piece of paper with the     10    , “Enjoy your vegetables!”

4 . Kindness May Keep You Healthy

If you are driving in the United States, you may see a common bumper (汽车保险杠) sticker on passing vehicles that reads:     1     The saying is meant to urge people to behave in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards others without thinking or planning ahead.

    2     In one experiment, Brian are, an anthropologist (人类学家) at Duke University, asked a group of people to perform three acts of generosity for other individuals each week. These acts could be small, like opening a door for someone. The people who were caring, gentle and friendly towards others reported experiencing contentment, satisfaction and happiness.

However, being kind is not just emotionally beneficial. Lyubomirsky studied a group of people with the disease Multiple Sclerosis (多发性硬化).     3     Her research also pointed out that people showing kindness to others had less inflammation (炎症) in their bodies. And in other studies, Lyubomirsky said more anti-viral genes were found in people who extended a helping hand to other people

    4     In one study, researchers gave people a list of values — such as kindness, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, seeking social justice, and seeking power. When asked to pick the most important, kindness won.

“The basic reason why people are kind,” Oliver Curry, explained, the research director at Kind-lab that is a non-profit organization, “is that we are social animals. Kindness is as much a part of us as our anger, grief or desire.”    5    

5 . How to Deal with a Colleague who Keeps Challenging Your Views

It can be difficult to develop an environment of teamwork when you continually run up against a colleague who challenges your views.     1    . This will ensure you respect one another, even when you disagree.

If a co-worker habitually challenges your ideas in a group discussion in a confrontational manner, don’t engage him or get into an argument. Pause for a moment, look the colleague in the eye.     2    . This will force the co-worker to either repeat his comment in front of everyone with the same level of confrontation, or soften his approach.

There’s a time and place for everything, including professional disagreements. If a colleague interrupts you or talks over you in an effort to contradict your point or insert (插入) his own opinion, gently remind him that you still have the floor. If the colleague is challenging something you say before you have a chance to address the point, note that as well.

    4    . Constructive debate and brainstorming can strengthen the overall performance of the entire team. Speak to your colleague at a time when you are emotionally stable. For example, you might say, “Can we agree to a respectful and civil way to discuss matters when it’s clear there’s no one ‘right’ answer?”

If a particular colleague has a long history of disagreeing with you, you might be able to anticipate his arguments or objections. Prepare rebuttals to address anything your colleague might throw at you.     5    . It also strengthens your points without being confrontational, and allows you to give him credit for his constructive comments when necessary.

7 . “I’m sorry” are two very important words that play a big part in daily life. You might apologize while squeezing through a crowd or using the last of the printer paper at work. It’s easy to say “I’m sorry”, but true apologies are a different story.    1     Or you may wonder how to properly demand an apology if the other person is at fault? With the following tips, you’ll find these are not hard.

Apologize sincerely. A genuine apology can help repair your relationship, and even your reputation—you’re showing that you can be trusted to do what’s right. But your relationship will remain tense if your apology seems casual.    2    

Apply specific principles. A meaningful apology comes down to the three R’s- regret, responsibility and remedy (补救办法). Firstly, communicate your regret. Show the other person you have recognized your error and can relate to his/her pain. Then take complete responsibility.    3     Lastly, show that you’re working to improve the situation. Offer to make up for the harm you caused or promise you wouldn’t repeat it again.

    4    If you’re the offended (冒犯) party, describe what’s changed in the relationship and your true feeling. For example, you could say, “Although there’s a disagreement between you and me, I want us to be friends again. But I’ve been hurt, and I’d like an apology. I need you to acknowledge what you’ve done.”

Don’t expect immediate forgiveness. Most people hope for immediate forgiveness while apologizing, but that may mean you don’t respect the others’ emotions and all you care about is yourself.    5    After all, they were hurt and it would take them a while to recover.

8 . The most popular course at Yale is Psych 157: Psychology and the Good Life, covering the science of happiness and how to apply it. Since its launch in 2018 by Professor Laurie Santos, the course has been taken by a quarter of Yale students and more than 200,000 others in its online version.     1    

When chasing happiness, many of us are trying to be a little gentler with ourselves and assigning a priority to self-care. That’s a sensible strategy, Santos agrees. The trouble is how people understand self-care. We assume that self-care looks like a nice bubble bath - or even selfish pursuits.     2     We actually get more out of being more open, more social and more other-oriented (以他人为中心的) than spending money on ourselves.

Santos isn’t the only scientist insisting that you focus more on kindness to others than kindness to yourself. Research out of Oxford University confirms that even tiny acts of kindness can have significant effects on our happiness.     3     They boost mental well-being in the wider community. If you want to stay happy, focus less on self-indulgence (自我放纵) and more on kindness.

    4     Everyone has made a silly decision or two. I myself have lived and learned from more than a few. It’s not the mistakes that matter. It’s how we deal with them. What we can do is to learn from the poor choices, terrible ideas and bad decisions of the past and not repeat them. We can also learn from the mistakes of others and avoid them.     5     And we can make all the bumps and bruises (磕磕碰碰) count for something.