2 . How many times have you found yourself in conversations with friends, family members or loved ones and discovered that you had completely tuned out to what they were saying? How much of our attention are we truly giving to the people who are supposed to be important to us?

According to research cited by Wright State University, while most people believe they are good listeners who don’t need to improve their listening skills, the average person only listens at about 25 percent efficiency.

So why aren’t we better listeners? As a society, we may be growing more narcissistic (自我陶醉的). A 2007 study found a rise in self-centeredness and narcissism among college students. If we, as a culture, are becoming more self-centered, how can we, as individuals, work to become more caring and compassionate communicators?

We can begin by changing our attitudes toward conversations. As Stephen R. Covey wrote in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand but to reply.” A dialogue is an opportunity to learn, to see things from a new perspective, to open your eyes to new information and possibilities. Yet, too often we engage in conversation as if it’s a debate. We speak to hear our own voices — our own pre-existing opinions. In doing so, we tend to space out when spoken to. We wait, perhaps even patiently or politely, for the other person to finish, so we can say something we feel is of value.

Playwright Wilson Mizner said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.” Listening doesn’t just expand our knowledge on an intellectual level; it enables us to have a more personal, in-depth understanding of our closest friends. Relationships are truly enriched by an equal back-and-forth exchange in communication. When these dynamics become more one-sided, we tend to lose interest and create distance in our friendships, with less trust established, less honesty exchanged.

Thankfully, we can all improve our listening skills. Maybe we aren’t as good a listener as we believe. Do we tend to focus too much on ourselves — both in positive and negative ways? Do we get distracted by an inner coach, rather than living in the moment and really engaging in what’s being said? As we learn to quiet that inner voice in our minds, we can start to open ourselves up to others, becoming better listeners, thinkers, lovers and friends.

3 . Having a rival (对手) can keep you committed to achieving your goals and enhance your overall performance. But before you go out and find an entrepreneur (创业者) to outcompete(胜出), it’s important to understand and avoid the traps that often come with rivalry. After all, competitive rivalry can also make it difficult for you to make a decision and increase your willingness to take risks, behaviors that can ultimately hurt your venture’s (风险项目) success.

Finding someone you’re committed to outcompeting can be a great way to stay focused on your goals and push your venture to the next level. But when you’re intently focused on outperforming your rivals, you may begin to develop a “win-at-all-costs” mentality (心态) that causes you to ignore how you achieve success. One group of researchers, for example, examined the link between rivalry and unethical(不道德的) behavior. They found that when people compete against their rivals, they are more willing to behave unethically to win. But such behavior may damage your reputation and strain(使……紧张) relationships important to your success. One way to avoid this trap is to stop and reflect on what’s important. While outperforming your rivals may provide short-term benefits, the loss of your integrity(正直) will have long-term consequences.

One reason having a rival can enhance your venture’s performance is that it creates a level of excitement that drives you to work harder. But this eagerness to win may also hurt your venture’s success, particularly when it causes you to make impulsive, insensible decisions. But it’s possible to avoid such costly mistakes by making a habit of engaging in critical thinking, such as considering opposing viewpoints and conducting cost-benefit analyses, especially for those decisions that are complex and can determine the future of your venture.

The sense of eagerness that comes with having a rival can not only cause you to make poorer decisions, but it can also lead you to take greater risks that put your venture in great dangers. One way you can overcome the risk-inducing (诱发) effects of rivalry that stand to endanger your venture’s success is to remain attentive to your emotional state and actively monitor how such feelings are affecting your decision-making.

6 . These days, are you spending more time feeling guilty about not working out than working out? If so, you’re probably the kind of lapsed boomer. You’ve joined the 4-in-10 adult Americans of all ages who admit they’re not physically active at all, according to the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports.

Exercise experts like Richard Cotton and Cedric Bryant have heard it all before — busy boomers complaining that, between car pools and van pools and making ends meet, they hardly have time for a movie, much less regular exercise. Here are some of their best tips.

Plan your workout wardrobe so you’ll be comfortable. Consider the weather you will be walking in and decide: long pants, long sleeve, shorts, hat?

Which type? “If you are walking with the hope of jogging finally, buy running shoes,” says Cotton. If you plan to walk as your main exercise, get walking shoes.

“Do much less than you think you are able to,” Cotton suggests. Take a 10-minute walk if you’re newly back to workouts. It’s not enough, “but it’s a start.” Consider walking as a good way to get back to exercise.

If you can’t talk without difficulty as you walk or jog, you’re going too fast and trying to do too much, Bryant says.

That could help increase your faithfulness to your new habit. “An exercise partner is always nice”, Cotton says, “especially if you can get someone who already has the habit. That’s a free ride.”

You might notice looser waistbands but no difference on the scale. “As you get up into 35-, 40- or 45-minute walks, you can expect weight loss,” Cotton says. “But even if you do not lose a pound, you are healthier if you exercise.” And quite possibly, that might put you higher up on Bush’s invite list, should he host another run.

8 . After graduating from college, Tan Minyan decided to become a cemetery custodian (守墓人).

“With four colleagues, I don’t need to worry about any complicated relationships,” the 22-year-old girl shared on her Sina Weibo. “Moreover, my office, dormitory (宿舍) and canteen are in the same building, the pace of work is slow and I almost feel as if I have retired early.” Her decision has caused heated discussion on social media in November about how young people nowadays can deal with social anxiety and benefit from genuine interpersonal relationships.

According to the survey by China Youth Daily, more than 80 percent of the nearly 5,000 college students questioned said they bad mild social anxiety disorder. The disorder surfaces most frequently when speaking in front of large groups, communicating with strangers and asking for favors.

Cheng Qiang, who works for a media group in Beijing, is one of them. The 29-year-old young man told China Daily he started having social anxiety disorder in middle school. To avoid contact with coworkers, Cheng often wore a mask even when going to the toilet or kitchen so he would encounter fewer people.

“The disorder becomes more severe when I am around people who know me but are not close,” he told China Daily. “Their attention makes me nervous, and I don’t know how to respond.”

Wang Wenda, a psychology lecturer, found that most of the people who suffer from social anxiety are introverted (内向的), la ck confidence or social skills, or have suffered traumatic (生成创伤的) interpersonal relationships. Wang also believes that the disorder is not trivial. It may lead to panic attacks and other psychological problems as a result of a lack of contact with other people.

According to China Daily, Wang’s suggested solution was as follows: People with social anxiety disorder should go out and expose themselves to more social gatherings and practice their social skills, adding that through greater social experience and small successes in social encounters, they will reap the benefits of having a real social life and come to enjoy positive interpersonal relations.

10 . Do you often compare yourself to others? In reality, it’s ________ for us to do so — especially given the nature of how most of us were raised and the ________ cultures in which we live. By comparison, some get ________ while some become negative. But both run only a limited time since someone better or worse will show up soon.

The ________ of comparison is like the game of the coin. The head means we “win” and we think we have more ________ and the tail means we “________” and we think we’re worse. However, no one will win ________. We will possibly meet someone better than us and end up with some ________ or something alike.

How can we ________ our comparison process and make it an experience of growth, connection, and self-acceptance? It’s simply by ________ it directly and going to the source — how we ________ ourselves, namely the relationship between man and self. Here are some things we can do to get away from the comparison mode.

Use comparison as a(n) ________ to accept, appreciate, and love yourself. When comparison shows up, it generally originates from fear or uncertainty in your heart, not the ill intention. ________ criticizing ourselves for what we might do wrong, what if we take this as a cue to take care of and ________ ourselves in a real way?

Admit people who are ________. Another great way to ________ the negative impact of comparing ourselves to others is to reach out to them with some ________. Faced with other people’s success and talents, the more ________ we praise them, the more likely we are to create positive feelings and outcomes in our own lives. There is not a finite amount of success and when we ________ people we compare ourselves to, that reminds us that there is more than enough for us to ________ and experience wonderful things in our own life as well.