3 . It seems that friends often have similar body odor. Dogs greet other dogs using their noses first, as they are sniffing each other. People are not quite so open about the process of sniffing each other out.

    1     There is also evidence that human beings can infer kinship, deduce emotional states and even detect disease via the sense of smell.     2     They think they have shown, admittedly in a fairly small sample of individuals, that friends actually smell alike.

They have also shown that this is probably the case from the get-go, with people picking friends at least partly on the basis of body odor, rather than the body odor of people who become friends subsequently converging.

As they report in Science Advances, these scientists started their research by testing the odors of 20 pairs of established, non-romantic, same-sex friends.     3     The e-nose used a set of metal-oxide gas sensors to assess T-shirts worn by participants.     4     Those in the other group were asked to rate the odors of individual T-shirts on five subjective dimensions: pleasantness, intensity, sexual attractiveness, competence and warmth.

The e-nose results and the opinions of the second group of smellers were then subjected to a bit of multidimensional mathematical analysis, emerging as simple, comparable numbers.

All three approaches yielded the same result. The T-shirts of friends smelt more similar to each other than did the T-shirts of strangers.     5    

5 . There is an old American saying, “Loose lips sink ships.” This means that if you speak too much about something, especially to people who you don’t know so well, it’ll cause all kinds of trouble.

The situation here is so much worse because the “loose lips” were your best friend’s. Treated this way, you’re sure to feel hurt.     1    

But I have to say that it’s partly your fault, isn’t it? You admit that you were “letting off steam”. It is understandable in that situation, but we should always think before we speak.

    2    

First, apologise to your teammate. If you ever want to win any more basketball games, you need to work together, and that means communicating with each other clearly and resolving conflicts.     3     Tell him directly and honestly that you were talking without thinking.

Then, talk to your friend. Friendship should be one of the greatest things in the world, but sometimes it can be difficult. Again, your strategy is clear communication. Tell your friend you’re angry with him for repeating what you said and making the situation worse, but that you want to move on.     4    

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, think about your own behaviour. Don’t say too much when you’re angry!     5     This gives people the wrong signal. Take a deep breath, calm down, and always remember: think first, speak later. If you feel one of your teammates isn’t pulling their weight, then raise your concerns in a professional way with your team coach.

If you think about other people’s feelings as well as your own, you’ll soon find everything works out.

8 . As a young child, I was painfully shy. I’d watch other children play in the park, wishing I could join them, but I was too scared to approach. Eventually, my mother would come to the rescue. She’d ask the other kids if I could play, too. Today, I feel comfortable giving public lectures in large halls and having conversations in small groups, but I still tend to avoid situations in which I’m expected to spend time with a roomful of strangers.

There could be many reasons. For one thing, I might be carrying some childhood fear of rejection. But beyond that possibility, one likely element is that I tend to underestimate how much people like me after I meet them, as most of us do.

A new research paper reports that the common concern that new people may not like us, or that they may not enjoy our company, is largely unfounded.

Erica Boothby of Cornell University and her colleagues conducted a series of studies to find out what our conversation partners really think of us. In doing so, they discovered a new cognitive illusion (认知错觉) they call “the liking gap”: our failure to realize how much strangers appreciate our company after a bit of conversation.

The researchers observed the gap in a variety of situations: strangers getting acquainted in the research laboratory, first-year college students getting to know their dormitory mates over the course of many months, and community members meeting fellow participants in personal development workshops. In each circumstance, people consistently underestimated how much others liked them. For much of the academic year, as dormitory mates got to know each other and even started to develop enduring friendships, the liking gap persisted.

The data also revealed some of the potential reasons for the illusion: we are often more severe with ourselves than with others, and our inner critic prevents us from appreciating how positively other people evaluate us. Not knowing what our conversation partners really think of us, we use our own thoughts as a proxy (代理人). This is a mistake, because our thoughts tend to be more negative than reality.

9 . We are often reminded of Oscar Wilde’s saying that “sarcasm (讽刺) is the lowest form of wit” while forgetting the following “but the highest form of intelligence”. Parents or teachers of teenagers, in particular, may find it hard to believe that it is actually a sign of a flexible and inventive mind.

Yet that is exactly what psychologists and neuroscientists have been arguing. They have found that sarcasm requires the brain to jump through numerous hoops (圈) to arrive at a correct interpretation, requiring more brainpower than literal statements.

If you’re still not convinced that your teen’s love of sarcasm is a thing worth celebrating, consider a recent experiment from Li Huang, a psychologist at Insead’s business school in Fontainebleau, France.

In the experiment, participants were presented with a candle, a pack of matches and a box of tacks (图钉). Their task was to find a way to attach the candle to the wall so that it could burn without dripping wax on the floor. The correct answer is to empty the box of tacks, pin it to the wall, and then place the candle inside a solution that will only come to mind if you are prepared to think about the functions of each object.

Before working on the problem, some participants were asked to recall a sarcastic interaction, while others remembered a sincere or neutral exchange. Quite amazingly, the sarcastic memories more than doubled the participants’ success rate, from around 30% to more than 60%.

It may initially feel like a shock when parents notice their children using sarcasm——a sign, perhaps, of a more adult-like cynicism (愤世嫉俗) that conflicts with their impressions of their children’s youthful innocence. Parents may feel particularly helpless when dealing with a teenager who uses it in almost all interactions, as if they struggle. to express any sincere emotions.

But should we blame teens for applying this handy tool? Perhaps it’s better seen as the useful practice of a vital ability. Penny Pexman, a psycholinguist at the University of Calgary agrees and it is for this reason that she has produced Sydney Gets Sarcastic, a storybook that provides multiple examples of sarcasm and the reasons it was used. In a recent experiment on 5-to 6-year-olds, she showed that children who read and discussed the story found it easier to detect sarcastic statements in a following test.

10 . Handling difficult co-workers in an office environment is a headache. Avoiding them at work is sometimes not an option, so many people wonder how to deal with them, and perfect solutions can’t come too soon.     1    .

Go to H.R.

Whether you have a formal Human Resources department or just one person who supervises everyone, there should be someone who’s in charge of employee peace-keeping. You can talk to this person.     2    . For example, don’t say, “This person is driving me crazy!” Instead, you should say, “This person habitually asks me to do her work while she visits chat rooms.”

Address the offending party directly.

If your co-workers do something that you object to, speak up. Politely but firmly say that you don’t want to do their extra work, or tell them whatever else is on your mind.     3    , but you may if you keep trying. And you’ll also get the benefit of speaking your mind.

Let it roll off your back.

    4    , you may choose to get better at ignoring them. This may seem difficult at first, but there’s something more serious for choosing your battles. If you are dealing with someone who tells your secrets around the office, stop sharing them. If you’re dealing with someone who has offensive manners, stay at a comfortable distance.

    5    .

If you’ve tried the tips above but they don’t work, you may consider changing jobs. It’s sad if things have to come to this, but you wouldn’t have to seek a job if you didn’t have a difficult co-worker prompting you to make a change. Maybe, there are potential positives in your new position. The trick is to find them.