1 . Only about 20% of U.S.adults say they have a best friend at work.Should the other 80% start looking for one?Yes and no.    1     ,says psychologist Catherine Heaney. That support can come from a coworker who has become a close friend,but it doesn’t have to;interactions with managers and friendly acquaintances can also boost your well-being, Heaney notes.

    2    : having friends in the workplace can improve wellness.It’s linked to a lower risk of burnout,better mental health,and maybe even a longer lifespan.Meanwhile,research is equally clear that loneliness is bad for your health.    3     , given its links to various health problems.

But if becoming best friends with your coworkers feels too daunting (使人气馁的),or just not your style,you can still benefit from social support.When most people hear “social support”,they think of emotional support,like venting (发泄) to a coworker over coffee, Heaney says.    4     :when someone steps in to help you on a busy day,for instance,or shares advice.Even relatively minor interactions,like a manager allowing you to leave early to pick up your sick child,can buffer (缓解) the negative effects of stress, Heaney explains.    5    —although it is great if you do—but rather to promote “a sense of being in the right place” by becoming part of a community.

2 . Building Up Your Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and emotionally engage with others. It is viewed as the fundamental social glue and main psychological mechanism, which enables us to relate to each other, maintain social relations and create a more sympathetic world.     1    . It is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Here are some tips on how to build up your empathy.

Practice active listening 

Listening is one of the most effective ways you can demonstrate empathy to other people. Active listening requires three things. To begin with, paraphrase what the person said to show that you understood the content.     2    , because it helps the person better understand and regulate their own emotions. Finally, indicate how your response makes you want to behave, because again you are demonstrating that you understand their emotional state and helping them figure out a behavior to move forward with.

Challenge your prejudices and assumptions        

Ask yourself why you think that all poor people are lazy, or all people with mental health issues are dangerous. A lot of assumptions and prejudices are based on misinformation that has become widespread.     3    .   

Treat people as being important

Recognize that you aren’t the only one living in this world and that you aren’t some superior being.     4    . Don’t lump (合并) them into stereotypical (刻板印象的) groups with erroneous one-size-fits-all labels. Each person is an individual and comes with a set of flaws and strengths.

    5    

This means getting a direct experience of another person’s life, the “walk a mile in another person’s shoes” proverb. You don’t have to go quite that far, but consider taking on all the things that your mother does in a day for an entire week. You’ll discover how difficult it is to manage both the home and work, and you’ll have a better appreciation for how much work she has to do. You may even decide to pitch in a bit more.

In conclusion, building up your empathy takes time and effort, but it is worth it. So start practicing today and make a positive impact on the world around you.

3 . Young children are always watching-including when people swap spit through actions like food sharing. Such behavior helps babies infer who is in close relationships with one another, a study suggests.

Typically, people are more likely to engage in activities that can lead to an exchange of saliva (唾液), such as kissing or sharing an ice cream, with family members or close friends than with an acquaintance. So saliva sharing can be a marker of “thick relationships, “ or people with strong attachments, says MIT developmental psychologist Ashley Thomas.

To see if young children might use saliva sharing as a social cue for close bonds, Thomas and colleagues ran experiments of people engaging with puppets(木偶). When shown a puppet seemingly crying, kids of 8 months old were more likely to look at an adult who had previously shared saliva with the puppet than an adult who hadn’t, the team reports.

Scientists, of course, can’t know exactly babies’ thought. But tracking where they look offers hints. The team used where the kids looked first when a puppet showed distress as an indicator of their understanding of the relationship.

In some experiments, the team showed 8- to 10-month-olds or 16- to 18-month-olds videos of a woman sharing an orange slice with a puppet. A second video depicted another woman and the puppet playing with a ball. During a final video, which showed the puppet crying while seated between the two women, the kids’ eyes were more often drawn to the woman who had shared the orange.

The team saw similar results in another experiment. One woman stuck her finger in her mouth and then in one puppet’s mouth to share saliva. For the other, she touched only her forehead and then the puppet’s forehead. After the woman showed distress, kids spent more time looking at the puppet that had seemingly swapped saliva.

It’s unclear how the findings relate to children’s daily lives. Future studies could switch out actresses for family members to better understand the role saliva may play in distinguishing relationships. Other cues, such as hugging, may also play a role, Thomas says.

5 . Feel exhausted after a party? Rather see one close friend than a group of acquaintances? Enjoy your own company? In our world, that makes you an introvert (内向的人). However, there’s another possible explanation — vertical attachment. If you are closer to your parents and family members than to your peers, you are vertically attached, which means you rely more on family for comfort.

If you are closer to your peers, then you are peer attached. We live in a peer-oriented world. We believe that having lots of friends means that we are well-adjusted. We put our kids in playgroups and daycare for peer interaction. We expect teenagers to want to hang out with their friends, thinking it is the natural way of things.

Result? Generations often feel worlds apart. We use different language, dress, and technology apps. Even if multiple generations are invited to the same party, the kids go to the basement playroom while the parents stay upstairs.

Vertically-attached individuals can feel out of place in this context, demonstrating the traces of introversion. Will they be exhausted after a party with same-aged acquaintances? Absolutely. Would they rather spend time with one close friend? Sure. Do they enjoy alone time? Yes, more than they enjoy time fitting in with peers.

It’s normal that many people need alone time to recharge. However, vertically-attached people often label themselves as introverted. They feel insecure that others have more friends and live richer lives. They claim that their family attachments arise from their loved ones being stuck with them.

If you feel these insecurities, know that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not missing out on anything. Your attachment style is just different from the culture where you live. Have confidence in the strength of the relationships you have, whether it is with a mom who feels more like a best friend, or a grandmother with whom you can share anything. They are meaningful, enriching relationships, even if they look different from the cultural norm.

6 . Go on a 15-minute Tour

Didn’t someone say that life is about the journey, not the destination?     1     when you are focused only on getting to the next meeting, starting your next class period, or hurrying to send an email, you’re missing all of the people between Points A and B.

To commit some time to the journey, take some time to walk around where you work and notice your surroundings.     2     Also, some of the smaller yet critical social clues that exist right under your nose will be concentrated on again.

    3     Things to look for include the look and feel of people’s work spaces, the timing of when different people move around the office, and which people seek interaction versus those who stay at their desks all day.

After your first observation tour, select a different day to tour your workspace for moods. Other people’s moods can provide you with critical clues about how things are going.     4     Focus on what you see, hear, and pick up on in other people.

Schedule 15 minutes to tour your workplace twice a week for a month and be sure to avoid making too many assumptions or conclusions — just simply observe.     5    

8 . Most people enjoy variety. We like to eat different foods from meal to meal. We wear different clothes. We like to try new activities and visit new places. We become bored when there is little variety. Nevertheless, there’s one place where we tend to dislike variety, and that’s in each other. We often feel uncomfortable with people who practise different habits, or hold beliefs or values that we do not share.

There are reasons for this. When we are exposed to new and different things, our brain works a bit harder than usual. When we’re learning, our nerve cells require more resources, such as water, salt, and various other chemicals. This extra metabolic (新陈代谢的) activity can feel unsettling and unpleasant. And it can feel worse if our nervous system is already under pressure, like in the midst of the pandemic.

This sort of variation may be uncomfortable for individuals, but it’s critical to the survival of any species. If all finches (雀科鸣鸟) were identical, for example, and their environment changed in some significant, harmful ways, like an increase in the temperature or a decrease in water, all of them would be equally affected and the species might become extinct. This insight into variation comes from Charles Darwin, and it’s known as population thinking. Most people associate Darwin with his evolutionary theory of natural selection, but population thinking may be an even greater scientific achievement. The idea of “survival of the fittest” implies that individuals must vary. Some are more suited than others for a given environment, making it easier for them to survive, grow, and reproduce. Variation is therefore a prerequisite for natural selection to work.

Dealing with the vast variety of humankind can be demanding and even annoying at times, but it’s a good investment, sort of like exercise for your brain. When you meet someone who looks different or thinks differently from you, treat your discomfort as a cue to be curious and learn instead of a signal of a problem. Don’t hold the view that the other person should be silenced. Ultimately, this mindset can make you more flexible in adapting to challenging situations, and more adaptable to change.

9 . How long have you been going to the same hairdresser or barber? It’s a question that gets us thinking about the unique friendship we _______ with our stylists over the years.

You have confidence in each other. You have a laugh together and regularly _______ each other’s news. Plus they try to make you look and feel your best. That’s a(n) _______ not only for a great friendship, but also for the perfect relationship with your hairdresser. When you find a good barber, it’s something to _______.

Many people have _______ experiences with their hairdressers. I’ve had my hair cut by Claire Miller for more than 15 years. She’s taken me through all kinds of _______, and she’s helped me find a totally new look now during the post-chemotherapy (化疗后) period with dyed blonde hair! _______ hairstyles, there have been communications about the joys and trials of motherhood, the _______ of health problems and changes in our careers and lives — the stuff of 15 years that we have _______ in the three salons Claire has worked in.

While she cut my hair recently, we chatted about that special __________ that forms between hairdressers and their clients. “You hear so many stories from them, and sometimes you feel like a counselor __________ a hairdresser. You assess their needs, and you know how to react to them,”says Claire.

For Claire, the customer interaction is something she loves about the job and that she has __________ developed throughout her working life. “It’s about being human and __________ about people. A lot of my clients are my friends and like family now. It’s my __________ to cut their hair, making them look and feel good, but I also want them to feel __________ by the experience,” laughs Claire.