2 . Building Up Your Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and emotionally engage with others. It is viewed as the fundamental social glue and main psychological mechanism, which enables us to relate to each other, maintain social relations and create a more sympathetic world.     1    . It is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Here are some tips on how to build up your empathy.

Practice active listening 

Listening is one of the most effective ways you can demonstrate empathy to other people. Active listening requires three things. To begin with, paraphrase what the person said to show that you understood the content.     2    , because it helps the person better understand and regulate their own emotions. Finally, indicate how your response makes you want to behave, because again you are demonstrating that you understand their emotional state and helping them figure out a behavior to move forward with.

Challenge your prejudices and assumptions        

Ask yourself why you think that all poor people are lazy, or all people with mental health issues are dangerous. A lot of assumptions and prejudices are based on misinformation that has become widespread.     3    .   

Treat people as being important

Recognize that you aren’t the only one living in this world and that you aren’t some superior being.     4    . Don’t lump (合并) them into stereotypical (刻板印象的) groups with erroneous one-size-fits-all labels. Each person is an individual and comes with a set of flaws and strengths.

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This means getting a direct experience of another person’s life, the “walk a mile in another person’s shoes” proverb. You don’t have to go quite that far, but consider taking on all the things that your mother does in a day for an entire week. You’ll discover how difficult it is to manage both the home and work, and you’ll have a better appreciation for how much work she has to do. You may even decide to pitch in a bit more.

In conclusion, building up your empathy takes time and effort, but it is worth it. So start practicing today and make a positive impact on the world around you.

3 . Recently, a topic featuring “Graduates avoid sending resumes out of social anxiety disorder” received many comments on Sina Weibo. It seems that social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia (恐惧症), is affecting many people’s lives. Over 80% of university students who took part in a survey tended to avoid social interaction due to an assumed social phobia.     1    

For those who have a social phobia, everyday social situations cause strong fear beyond their control because they fear being watched or judged negatively by others.

Having a social phobia can mean physical symptoms like blushing (脸红), upset stomach, or having trouble catching your breath. The good news is that it is treatable.    2     Avoiding social situations because of shyness might mean missing out on opportunities or being rude.

I used to be so shy that I avoided greeting people I knew by pretending to scroll (滚屏) on my phone or turning in another direction.     3    When I saw him, Istarted scrolling on my phone as usual to avoid greeting him. But he immediately saw through it and asked,“Why did you pretend not to see me?” After my explanation, he replied, “I can relate to feeling awkward, but once someone realizes that you’re avoiding him, it can come across as rude.”

    4    Being afraid of negative comments, they simply shut themselves down so that no one will have the chance to judge them. But socializing not only leads to judgment. If you’re lucky enough, you may come across someone who gives direct but honest feedback, like what the senior journalist did for me. But if some people only offer you negative judgment, simply stay away from them.     5    Why give up on opportunities for social interaction because of fears of comments and judgment?

4 . Being part of a club is such a great experience for people of all ages. Here are five benefits of joining a club.

You can meet new people.

Usually, the people you meet are easy to get along with because you both have something in common: your interest in the club.     1    That means you spend a lot of time with other members. Often, from my experience, members of the club become good friends with each other.

You can learn new skills.

Everyone in a club has a job to do. Your work might be something that you’re already great at or something that you don’t have much experience with.     2     I learned about how to communicate with other people. Some basic skills were also learned that can be used later on in life.

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The idea of joining a club between work, school, friends and family may seem overwhelming (令人难以应对的). However, once you get used to your role in a club and learn to manage your time, you will find there is still enough time left for other things that need to be done daily.

You can gain experience for the future.

The skills you learn will not only allow you to succeed in that profession but will also look great on a resume (简历) if you join a club that is similar to the career you want to enter! If you dream of becoming a lawyer, for example, you will be thankful for the practice you got from being part of such a club.     4    

You can improve confidence.

Joining a club requires courage.     5     But the more you practice your club function (功能), the better you’re going to be at it. Normally, the more time you spend in a club, the more you’ll be relaxed and confident.

7 . As our lives become more closely connected with the digital age, it’s more important than ever to keep the spark of human connections, a key part of which is making small talk.     1     Here’s how to master the art of small talk.

The cornerstone of effective small talk lies in developing genuine interest. Genuine interest is about actively seeking to understand the other person, valuing their perspectives and appreciating the uniqueness they bring to the conversation.     2    

Small talk extends beyond spoken words; it includes the art of observation. As you engage in conversation, pay attention to the speaker’s body language, facial expressions and tone of voice.     3     Being familiar with them not only helps you navigate the conversation with sensitivity but also enables you to establish a deeper connection by respecting the slight differences of the other person’s communication style.

Actually listening and connecting with someone is essential for a conversation. By providing your undivided attention, you convey respect and interest in what the other person has to say.     4     Ask follow-up questions to show that you value their insights. This depth of engagement lays the foundation for a more meaningful connection.

At the heart of successful small talk lies the authenticity (真实性) of your engagement. Authenticity fosters a sense of trust and connection, making the conversation more meaningful and memorable. Avoid the temptation to project an image or use scripted responses.     5     In the world of small talk, authenticity is the key that unlocks the door to deeper connections and more fulfilling interactions.

8 . For some people charm (吸引力) is a natural gift, but for others being charming is a skill that they need to acquire in order to survive. If you want to charm someone, here are some ways on how to do it.

1.     1     In order to charm someone, you must learn some facts about that person. Determine what his likes and dislikes are. Then try to find the person’s soft spots. In this way, you can easily avoid the things that he doesn’t like and put an effort to show that you are interested in the things he likes.     2    

2.     3     Eye contact is one of the best ways to connect to a person. It helps you create an image that you are confident with yourself and show that you are interested in him. By establishing eye contact with the person you want to charm, you are actually starting a conversation with him.

3. Show respect. By showing respect, you are expressing sincerity to that person. Learn how to politely introduce yourself. You don’t want to create an impression that you are overconfident. A handshake may be the most common way to do it. However, other traditions involve other forms of introductory gestures.     4    

4. Always smile. Smiling is one of the basic ways to charm a person. By smiling a lot, you are creating a positive image for the person you wish to charm. Smiling is also a way of showing that person how glad you are to meet him. Remember to show a sincere and honest smile.     5     Faking a smile can make the person you want to charm think that you are not really interested in meeting him.

9 . What if your next job is just a weak tie away? A recent study, conducted by a team from Stanford University and LinkedIn, revealed that weaker social connections have a greater beneficial effect on job mobility (流动性) than stronger ties. Stanford Professor Erik Bryson suggests a practical outcome of this study is to encourage job seekers to expand their reach beyond immediate friends and colleagues. Weak ties, he explains, often provide more unique, beneficial information and connections.

The advantage of weak ties theory is based on the idea that weak ties allow distant group of people to access novel information that can lead to new opportunities and innovation. Weak ties are more likely to introduce new job information to a wider social network.

The research team conducted a five-year experimental study with LinkedIn, involving 20 million global participants and 600,000 new jobs created. Using LinkedIn’s “People You May Know” (PYMK) algorithm (算法), the researchers tested the weak tie theory’s impact on the job market. The team randomly assigned LinkedIn users to receive either more weak or strong tie recommendations from the PYMK algorithm, then tracked the labor mobility of these groups over five years.

Their findings confirm that weaker ties enhance job mobility. Besides, the researchers looked at differences across industries and found that adding weak ties creates significantly more job opportunities in digital and high-tech industries. “This may reflect the fact that there is more rapid change and need for novel information and connections in those industries,” Bryson said.

He points out that the traditional methods used by policymakers to analyze labor markets are quickly becoming outdated. “They need to recognize that the labor market, like all aspects of the economy, is being digitized,” Bryson said. “It is important that we understand how the algorithms used by digital platforms like LinkedIn impact the labor market.”

10 . We often think about relationships on a scale from positive to negative. We are drawn to loving family members, caring classmates and supportive mentors. We do our best to avoid the cruel uncle, the playground bully and the jerk boss.

But the most toxic relationships aren’t the purely negative ones. They’re the ones that are a mix of positive and negative. We often call them frenemies, supposed friends who sometimes help you and sometimes hurt you. But ifs not just friends. It’s the in-laws who volunteer to watch your kids but belittle your parenting. The manager who praises your work but denies you a promotion.

Everyone knows how relationships like that can tie your stomach into a knot. But groundbreaking research led by the psychologists Bert Uchino and Julianne Holt-Lunstad shows that ambivalent (矛盾情绪的) relationships can be damaging to your health — even more than purely negative relationships.

I had assumed that with a neighbor or a colleague, having some positive interactions was better than all negative interactions. But being cheered on by the same person who cuts you down doesn’t reduce the bad feelings; it increases them. And it’s not just in your head: It leaves a trace in your heart and your blood.

Even a single ambivalent interaction can cause harm. In one experiment, people gave impromptu speeches on controversial topics in front of a friend who offered feedback. The researchers had randomly assigned the friend to give ambivalent or negative comments. Receiving mixed feedback caused higher blood pressure than pure criticism. “I would have gone about the topic differently, but you’re doing fine” proved to be more distressing than “I totally disagree with everything you’ve said.”

The evidence that ambivalent relationships can be bad for us is strong, but the reasons can be harder to read — just like the relationships themselves.

The most intuitive reason is that ambivalent relationships are unpredictable. With a clear enemy, you put up a shield when you cross paths. With a frenemy, you never know whether Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde is going to show up. Feeling unsure can disrupt the body’s calming system and activate a fight-or-flight response. It’s unsettling to hope for a hug while also preparing for a likely quarrel.

Another factor is that unpleasant interactions are more painful in an ambivalent relationship. It’s more upsetting to be let down by people you like sometimes than by people you dislike all the time. When someone stabs you in the back, it stings more if he’s been friendly to your face.