1 . How to treat each other well

The following tips can help you enjoy a healthy and satisfying relationship.

Create a foundation of respect.     1    . However, it is important to make sure that you and your partner are rooted in respect. Act in ways that demand respect from your partner. Struggle to treat each other with respect at all times, even when you are mad at each other.

Appreciate each other. A healthy relationship should be one in which you and your partner feel appreciated. Often, relationships are built from many small things added one on top of the other.     2    . Instead of focusing on mistakes your partner makes, focus on the ways your partner adds to your life. When you notice something, speak out and show your appreciation.

    3    . It’s easy to change from face-to-face time together to digital communication. Spending quality time together can help strengthen your relationship and increase the bond you and your partner feel together.     4    . It can be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee together each morning or reading together at night.

Expect changes. Know that your relationship will likely change. Allow growth for yourself, your partner, and for the relationship itself.     5    . Change is inevitable, so welcome changes and accept that the relationship will adapt.

3 . When I started secondary school, aged 11, I found myself in a class with only two children I’d met before.     1    . In fact, before the end of the day one I knew all 28 of my new classmates by heart. Even in my thirties, when I found myself back in school as a teacher, I could still learn all the students in my classes with relative ease. Here are three quick memory techniques that help me.

    2    . Remembering people starts with listening to what they’re called, and taking a proper look at their face. I make a point of repeating their names in my head, and silently saying something to myself about their appearance.

Spot similarities.     3    . So, who does this person look like? Do they share a name with a celebrity? Is there anything about them that reminds you of places, events, or experiences you’ve already got filed away?

4 . Cats don’t live by the rules, and spend most of their time just doing what they want. For the cat owner Zack King, his cat Billy’s life was enigmatic. Free-spirited felines(猫类) who like to spend time outdoors are often gone for hours at a time, leaving their owners wondering where they’ve been or what they’ve been up to. However, King soon discovered that his beloved cat was serving as a “postcat”.

Billy comes and goes as he pleases through a cat door. One day in October, when Billy was inside, King noticed a folded piece of paper covered in a plastic wrap in his collar. King carefully unwrapped it and was surprised to find a note from his neighbors. “Your cat likes to come to visit us when he is outside,” it read. “He will sit at the door and run into our house. We have no idea where he comes from. He always wants people to give him lots of scratches(挠痒). What’s his name? Does he have an owner?”

King wrote a note back, attached it to Billy’s collar, and hoped it would make it to the original sender. “We’re so glad he’s making friends with the neighbors,” it read. “His name is Billy.” It wasn’t long before Billy came back with another note, and now months later, the neighbors are still pen friends. “We both like watching movies online and cooking at home,” King said. “We have no idea what the neighbors look like. We could ask for details but there’s no need—it’s nice to have some privacy sometimes.”

“I was frustrated as the nights got colder and darker. Billy is spending more time indoors and sweet exchanges have become less frequent,” he says. “To be honest, a closed door and a sensitive alarm can ensure the safety of our houses. But they can prevent neighbors from having healthy friendships. To break the ice, we just need a cat and a note.”

5 . When communicating with others, we often focus on what we should say.     1     Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to convey. The following are tips for becoming an active listener.

Focus fully on the speaker. You can’t listen in an active way if you’re constantly checking your phone.     2     You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to pick up the important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head-it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Display your interest in what’s being said by using body language. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting.     3    

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns by saying something like, “you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.”     4     You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

    5     In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgement and hold back blame and criticism in order to fully understand them. The most difficult communication, when successfully performed, can often lead to an unlikely connection with someone.

6 . Calling someone your partner sounds wonderful, but it becomes even more enjoyable when that person is also your best friend. Here are five things that happen when your partner is your best friend.

Make each other laugh.     1     Because you understand each other’s sense of humor, you enjoy bringing it out. Laughter lights up the worst of days. Best friends don’t laugh at each other, but they laugh with one another.

Cheer for each other. We all need our own personal cheer leader. Having someone who believes the best in us helps us to know the best in ourselves. Real friends realize our advantages even when we don’t.     2    

Bring out the best in each other. Some people show best parts of themselves while others can bring out the best in you.     3     Something about their presence makes you want to be better people.

    4     We all have parts living inside us somewhere. Many of us hide this part of ourselves. When you bravely reveal these pieces of yourself, you show how much you want to develop a closer friendship. If you find out that your partner accepts your hidden side, you will trust them more. This real friendship draws you closer to one another.

Lend a helping hand. Good friends come together to lend a helping hand. They see the need and help to meet the need.     5     Or occasionally they help you get more fun while you rest.

9 . Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks but also seeking to understand the meaning and intention behind them. The word “active” implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others.

Be fully present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. It enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses and giving your full attention to the speaker. To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, and shut down your internal dialogue.     2     And let everything else slip away.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues (非言语暗示)

As much as 65% of a person’s communication is unspoken,     3    . This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key points. It can also be helpful to pay attention to your facial expressions when active listening so that you don’t convey any type of negative response.

Keep good eye contact

When engaged in active listening, making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what he or she says.     4     At the same time, you don’t want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels strange. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.

Be patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. Being patient involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. This also requires listening to understand, not to respond.     5     Also, don’t change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.