1 . Bad judgments are meant to feed our own personal ego (自我意识) and put others down, which is not the healthiest thing to do. Here are five reasons why you should stop it now.

You start finding faults in everyone. Judging quickly moves on to more private areas of your life.     1     You fail to appreciate them and start getting dissatisfied with them. You become critical of even those who matter to you.

Judging becomes a habit. If you judge people, sooner or later, it becomes a habit, and you start judging everyone around you for the tiniest of things.     2     And you might dismiss even the best of people through these microscopic judgments.

People begin to distrust you. If you pass judgments about other people in front of your audience, you will lose their trust. As they will begin to feel that if you can judge others in front of them, you can talk about them behind their back.     3    

Judgment is a sign of unhappiness. If you are 100% happy with who you are, you are a lot less likely to feel the need to judge others. If you are self-assured, you will not feel the need to cast a downward glance at others.     4     Either way, it is a negative attitude.

    5     If you’re judging others, you’re probably judging yourself pretty harshly as well. You often tend to think that if you are judging people by what they wear, someone might in turn judge you, which, as a consequence, makes you extremely concerned with your appearance.

2 . A few years ago, I walked into Panera and placed my order. As I sat down, I noticed that at the table next to me, there was an older man with a cap eating his soup alone. At the sight of this, a feeling of sadness began to wash over me. Why was he eating alone? Was he lonely? Did he want someone to keep him company?

This wasn’t the first time I’d felt sad when I noticed someone eating alone. I automatically assume they’re lonely and need someone to be there for them. For some reason, eating with other people is the norm. Modern society has evolved to the point where most people eat with others and do almost every activity together. If we need to get lunch before a class, we’d rather ask around to see if someone will come with us. But is it possible we just don’t want to appear lonely?

For me, it’s easy to get pressured to have to be around other people when I see everyone else around me accompanied by a friend almost all the time. So many people are always around someone else, and that may make people think we always need someone with us to feel better about ourselves.

But that’s not true. We can enjoy being alone not everyone needs to be constantly surrounded by friends to be happy. And we shouldn’t be afraid to eat alone if that’s what we want to do. We don’t have to do what everyone else does.

Ultimately, I don’t think I’ll ever not get sad if I see someone eating alone, but I’ll bear in mind that maybe they just want a break from the world, or maybe they prefer it that way. It’s important to realize seeing someone doing something alone doesn’t always mean they’re lonely.

5 . The Power of Peers

Do birds of a feather really flock together? People do tend to choose friends who are similar to them. Many behaviors spread socially. Activities in certain brain areas change when other people are around.     1     You can use the power of social relationships to gain healthier habits — and motivate others to do the same.

    2     Teens are especially responsive to peer influence. At the same time, the reward system in the teen brain becomes extra sensitive. Teens are just learning to explore the social world. Understanding other people’s values and being influenced by them are important parts of socializing.

A research shows that even just having another peer around can change the reward response in the brain and also the risk-taking tendencies of teenagers. Some people seem to be more easily influenced than others and more sensitive to feeling included or excluded by others.     3     But it’s also a time that peer influence can help teens thrive if it gets them more involved with their community or helps them learn behaviors to get along with others.

It’s the quality of friendships — not quantity — that really makes the difference. Friendships you feel you want to let go of may be low quality.     4       High quality friendships provide understanding, support, and recognition of your self-worth. These types of friendships are more steady and satisfying.

Spending time with friends can be especially helpful for people. Noticing that our behavior is influenced by other people, we can be intentional and try to focus on the people who are doing the things we want to get into ourselves.     5    

7 . Every day, as I took long walks through North Vancouver, I would think about the potential joys of a physically closer network. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone who could join me at a moment’s notice? How good would it be to have more non-scheduled hangs instead of ones that had to be planned weeks in advance?

This doesn’t have to be just a dream. Although technology is making it easier to maintain long-distance connections, nothing can replace seeing friends in person. Researchers have found that happiness spreads “like an emotional contagion (传染)”, especially among those who live close together.

Friends who live in the same city could decide to move within walking distance of one another — the same neighborhood, block, or even apartment building. Doing so would likely involve a lot of effort, but the resulting community could pay emotional dividends for years. Doing so would make it easier to support one another materially and emotionally.

Moving close to your friends requires some masterminding. Cities can make doing so easier by ending single-family zoning codes and encouraging a variety of housing types in neighborhoods. But even without official policies, people can make it work on their own. Sam Unger, 32, a food scientist and a friend of mine, has created a chosen family like this in Montreal, where about 15 of her friends live within walking distance of one another. When someone moves away, they try to transfer (移交) their lease (租约) to other friends. And when pals based elsewhere in the city are looking to move, Unger will try selling them on the positives of her neighborhood and sometimes even look for housing for them. “It’s funny,” she told me. “The other day, I bought a fire extinguisher, and she’s like, ‘Oh, well, I have one. You could just call me if you had a fire, and I’d be right over with it.’”

10 . It’s never easy to say “no”, especially when we’re asked by someone close to us, Maybe a friend is asking you for a favor, or a co-worker is asking you to cover their shift for the afternoon     1    . Don’t worry, We’ve put together some tips to help you politely refuse a request without feeling guilty or hurting anyone’s feelings in the process.

Be kind but forthright. Though you can always just say “no” on your own terms, you might find more success by padding your refusal with positivity.     2    . There’s no need to hide the real reason why you’re saying “no”, as long as you can express it in a polite manner. People will appreciate it if you tell them kindly and quickly why you can’t accommodate them.

    3    . It’s important to set boundaries (界限) with co workers and close friends alike. People shouldn’t expect they can take advantage of you or you’ll drop everything for them at the last minute. Aim for relationships in which both of you feel glad to say “yes” when you can but are also understanding when one of you can’t.

Offer a brief explanation. Providing a concise explanation as to why you’re refusing a request is one polite way to say “no”. For instance, if you already have other work this week that would prevent you from hitting a pew deadline, let the person know that. You’d better avoid adding too much fluff (无价值的东西) to your explanation.     4     .

Know yourself. Knowing yourself and your needs will help you decide if you should say“no”. Have a brainstorming session about areas where you have too much on your plate.     5    . You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can show up for others.