1 . Being a people-pleaser(讨好型人格)is second nature to many people. We tend to calm those around us, often regardless of our own needs. Actually, it is unhealthy to do so.     1     Here are some tips one can follow.

Be sure of your own value.

You were created differently from every other human. Overcoming people-pleasing starts with clearly knowing the value of your thoughts and actions, and that your presence matters. By pleasing people at the cost of your own desires, you’re forgetting that you are here for a reason.

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When something goes wrong, it’s quite natural for me to say sorry. It is pretty true of you if you’re a people-pleaser too. However, before words of apology trip from your lips, stop and look at the situation. Apologize sincerely and timely on condition that it’s really your fault. Otherwise just let it go.

Keep saying no.

    3     Indeed, getting over people-pleasing requires people to understand that you can say no and mean it. Saying no may be hard, but the more you say it, the more you understand how important it is to say.

Speak up.

People-pleasers like to agree with the masses. We are quiet, listening, waiting to agree on whatever decision is reached. Many times, I simply stayed quiet and agreed, even when I really didn’t like the plans at all. And bitterness surged when I was asked to deal with what I didn’t want.     4     Even sometimes you have to shout so as to be heard.

Without any doubt, it’s difficult to go against the nature that you tend to please everyone around you.     5     It’s the same with me. The best part is we get the grace of a new day to try all over again.

2 . Tips for Closing the Gaps in Relationships

Be curious, not angry

Ask in a spirit of real curiosity and openness. After you ask the question, be concerned only with understanding the other person’s story. Be ready to listen to the other person’s views and experiences.     1    . Try to avoid immediate reaction. If someone says something that makes you react in the moment, breathe and put that aside to listen, and hear what they have to say.

Put body language together with intentions

    2    . We also express our opinions with manner of speaking and body language. Do our voice and manner show doubt, anxiety, or anger—or concern, respect, and the willingness to have an honest conversation? We can’t pretend that fears don’t exist, but we can pass on our main purpose to express concern in order to improve our connection.

Listen for understanding

Our good intentions for asking questions are not enough.     3    . Explore real listening without fixed ideas. Try to listen not only for content but for feelings, for disagreement, as well as for chances and ways to settle problems together.

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Of course, how the other person reacts will determine the conversation that follows, which may require a good deal of openness, presence, and skill. Our reaction to whatever the person says will require continued openness, trust, kindness, clarity, and honesty. As you speak, clarify the gap between your experience of the relationship and your opinion or expectations of a healthy relationship. Noticing the gaps is helpful since it defines the problem.     5    .

6 . In Favour of Simple Writing

Do you edit text messages carefully before sending them? If so, you may be the kind of person who takes pride in _______ even the simplest message. If you do not, you may see yourself as a go-getter, one who values excitement and speed over _______: get it done decently now rather than perfectly later.

People are constantly receiving messages, from the mailbox to the inbox to the text-message alert. What to read, what to skim (略读) and what to ignore are decisions that nearly everyone has to make dozens of times a day. A new book titled All Readers are Busy Nowadays makes the argument for being the careful kind of _______, even in informal lines. The authors also present well-established _______ that have long been prized in guides to writing.

Take “less is more”. Most books on writing well advocate the advice to _______ needless words. The authors, however, have _______ the idea. In an email to thousands of school-board members asking them to take a survey, cutting the count from127 to 49 words almost _______ the response rate.

Keeping messages to a _______ idea—or as few as absolutely needed—helps ensure that they will be read, remembered and acted on. _______ the number of the available options has the same effect, too. A link in an email, ________, attracted 50% more clicks when presented alone than when it was sent alongside a second additional link.

Syntax (句法) and ________ matter, too. It is more ________ to adopt short and active sentences, with common words familiar to everyone. From Facebook posts to online-travel reviews, even brief, informal pieces of writing that follow these rules get more likes and shares.

If everyone is a busy reader, everyone is a busy writer, too. That may make it tempting to sent as many messages as ________ as possible and hope for the best. But from essays to text messages organizing dinner plans, devoting time to the needs of readers has provable ________. If you are so busy that you write an undisciplined message which readers scan, ignore and delete, then you might as well have not ________ it at all.

8 . When is a kid not a kid anymore? If you asked my 12-year-old daughter, the magical age would be 13, when you can no longer be considered a “child”. If you asked my 15-year-old niece, the age would be 16, when she will be able to drive a car and get an after-school job. According to the U. S. government, a child officially becomes an adult when they turn 18. That’s when they can vote. But even though an 18-year-old starts paying taxes, the government does not consider that person mature enough to buy a beer. Still, even a kid who can buy a beer is not old enough to rent a car.

Scientists have learned from a new study that when kids are around 18, their prefrontal cortex, which helps control impulses, solve problems, and organize behavior, is only halfway developed. That’s not to say that kids in their late teens and early 20s can’t take on these tasks, but it means that it’s harder for them to do so - at least until around age 25 or so when this area of the brain fully develops.

“What we’re really saying is that to have a definition of when you move from childhood to adulthood looks absurd,” Peter Jones from the University of Cambridge said. “It’s a much more nuanced (微妙的) change that takes place over thirty years.”

This isn’t a news flash for parents who have watched their teens take crazy risks while seeming unable to get their lives together until they’re older. But this information throws new light on the way kids without as much support are treated. In the foster (寄养的) care system, once a child turns 18, he can no longer receive state-backed support. And many people think this is too early for a teen to be on his own, especially a teen who has experienced a painful childhood. Because of this, some foster care advocates think it makes more sense for 25 to be the new legal age of adulthood.

10 . Many people changed residences and are eager to get familiar with their new neighbors. Here’s a quick refresher on making the most of neighborhood relationships.

Begin at the beginning. Building good neighborly relationships starts when you or someone else moves into the area. If a new neighbor moves in, be proactive (主动的) and welcome them to the neighborhood.     1    . Consider taking a plate of cookies or a small housewarming gift. Share your contact information and offer to answer any questions they may have about the community, including your favorite restaurants or the best local service providers.

    2    . Don’t create things that are unpleasant to look at or allow your property’s condition to affect the value of neighboring homes adversely (不利地). Being kind to those around you includes keeping your yard tidy, removing snow from your sidewalks, and collecting trash and recycling bins after the truck has passed.

Be inclusive. If you are hosting a large party, consider extending invitations to your neighbors. During the holiday season, remember the people next door with a card, a homemade goodie, or an offer of assistance. Give without expectations.     3    .

Allow people to be human.     4    , and it’s impossible to know what others are going through. Don’t be too quick to assume a sligh (轻蔑) is personal or intended.

Accept it. If you have tried your best to resolve a conflict without success, let it go. Sadly, some people won’t like you whatever you do. And you aren’t going to enjoy some people.     5    . Be pleasant anyway, and be thankful that you get to live your life and they get to live theirs.